new here...
Find a Conversation
new here...
| Mon, 03-20-2006 - 2:56pm |
Hello all. I just stumbled across this board and think it might be for me. I have suffered from panic attacks almost my entire life. I am 25 and the first attack I can remember is from around 8 years old. I suffered in silence until I was 18 because I didn't know what was happening to me. At 18 I was having an attack I couldn't control and went to a friend's house. That was when I was told "You are having a panic attack". I had never heard those words before and didn't know what it was. About a year later I ended up in the e.r. with my most severe attack as of then and soon after was seeing a psychiatrist. I was put on xanax and antidepressants in 1999. It wasn't long before I was completely hooked on the xanax and didn't care to work on my problems as long as I had that crutch. The doctor I was seeing never bothered to go into cognitive therapy or anything. He just kept prescribing the meds and I kept taking them. About 6 months ago he retired leaving me freaking out about being able to find a doctor that would continue to dole out the meds I had become hooked on. It was then that I decided (with the help of my DH) that I needed to work on getting out of this huge hole I had dug. I now realize that when given a "fight or flight" choice I choose "flight" and more often than not I choose suppression. I have no idea how much I have suppressed over the years. I cannot remember very much of my childhood no matter how hard I try. I don't know what triggered all this but I do know that both my father and grandfather suffer from mild attacks as well. I was taking .5mg of xanax 3 times a day. I began reducing my intake by .25mg per day every two weeks. (The first two weeks I cut the middle pill in half, next two weeks the first pill in half, etc.) I am extremely proud to say that I am on day 3 of taking only .25mg once per day. I'm not saying this is easy. I have been on the verge of a panic attack since last night. I know that I can take a pill if I must but I don't want to. I am so close to being free of this and having no drugs in my system for the first time in a very long time. I can't express how wonderful that feels. I am terrified though. What if they come back? What if I can't work my way through the next attack? What if my son has them? That might be the scariest question of all. I have an almost 2 yr old son and I am terrified that I have passed this horrible genetic trait along to him. How do I go about talking to him about it without planting the seed in his head? I obviously have many problems still and no other outlet besides the few minutes my DH can spare around his work schedule. I hate to bother him anyway. I don't have insurance right now so I can't see anyone. Hopefully this board will at least be a way of talking with others who know what I'm going through. Sorry this introduction was so long. It's been a while since I've talked to anyone about this stuff.
Robin
Robin

Hello, Robin! I am so happy you found us. We aren't professionals & can't give professional
Robin
Welcome Robin!
Sheri Ann
Blessings,
Suz
Welcome Robin!!!
Glad you found the board. As everyone has already told you - you will find alot of people here that are very helpful and truely understand what you are feeling. I've also suffered from Anxiety for years - I haven't taken xanax but I know that when I was having attacks multiple times a day - I'd not leave without my ativan and would check my purse sometimes just to know it was with me. Then I started feeling like i had an issue with it - when i really didn't.. It was just myt comfort - i thought about taking it much more often than I actually did. :)
This board is filled with some wonderful women and I think you will find yourself at home here.. so pull up a chair and sit a while.
Valerie (28)
"That it's some sort of punishment for things I've done wrong. That if I had been a better person in my past I wouldn't have the problems I have now. I have an extremely hard time letting go of the past."
I spent years thinking like this): I have learned to like me better:) Jukie 33 calls it stinkin' thinkin'