what if's!
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| Fri, 03-24-2006 - 7:16pm |
Hi everyone,
How are you all? It's been a little while since I've posted.
I am going through a bad spell, and I need someone to talk me down. Nothing specific, but I am having all these "what if" irrational thoughts, and they won't stop. I am due for my period, and that always makes it worse. I am so tired of the worrying all the time. I am so worried about being left out, and I am so paranoid that the moms at school are "pushing" me out. I know, it must sound absurd, because I am going to be 36 years old, and I am not a 12 year old girl anymore. I still feel like the awkward girl who got picked on all the time. I feel like because I opened up to them about my "issues" too much, that they don't want to be around me anymore. I think I ruined it all. Why did I have to open my big fat mouth! If I just kept quiet, I wouldn't have ruined everything. God help me!!
Got to put the boys to bed!
Thanks for listening.
Love, JD

Hi, JD, nice to *see* you again.
Sheri Ann
Hi JD-
I can sympathize with the "awkward girl" thing. At 29, I still feel uncomfortable around the women who are the 'social butterflies'--they never seem to say the wrong thing, and when they do nobody seems to care. I got picked on a lot when I was young too, and there is definitely a residual effect, especially since I am still prone to saying obnoxious things without realizing what I'm saying until I hear it out loud, interjecting in other people's conversations, or spontaneously overreacting to things like, say, smelling toast burning in the cafeteria. I try to remind myself that my friends like me just fine, and if others are going to reject me for my oddities then I don't need them cuz there are other people out there who like me the way I am. I don't need *everyone* to like me.
Most of the time, I worry about these things way more than anyone else notices them. Chances are that in a few weeks most of these women won't even remember what you told them, unless they are empathetic in which case their remembering is a good sign.
Good luck, and try not to feel self-conscious. If you go into interactions thinking that they want to distance themselves from you, there is a risk that you will pull away from them and it will be a self-fulfilling prophecy. If they liked you before you told them about the anxiety, they are unlikely to change their minds after you told them, so try not to worry about it too much.
Thank you so much for your reply. I really appreciate it. It has been a tough week for me, and my anxiety has been pretty bad. I also got my period this morning, which could also be why I am a train wreck. I wish I could stop the worrying, and sometimes it's really not so bad. Lately, it seems as though every nuance is getting the best of me. I have what I call my "reality" and my "no-reality" brain. I know not everyone will like me, and I know I need not worry about these women. Then the "non-reality" takes over and I can't control it. My husband doesn't get it, nor does he want to. He works constantly, and even when he is home, his mind is on work. I have two small boys, and I am by myself a lot. I am horrible when it comes to comparing myself to others. I do it all the time. Everyone is better than me.
Oh well, I guess I am a work in progress. Thanks again for your empathetic message. It really made me feel less alone.
Hugs, JD
Thank you for your response. I really appreciate it. I am having a real hard time these past few days, and I can't seem to *talk* myself out of it. I guess I just need to ride it out. I have been really down on myself these past few weeks. The medication has taken the edge off a bit, but when something triggers me, it seems like nothing will help. I am very frustrated with myself.
Thanks again for listening. This is a wonderful place, and I am glad you are here.
Love, Jolie
Hello JD my name is lynn,
I have always up until 1 year ago felt like I was the only person that got talked about
and though of as strange, well I don't feel I am allot strange, but probly some. Anyway I
got my feeling hurt one too many times and said ok I am not hurting anyone, I do my best,
so if they are talking about me than hey at least some poor soul that can't handle it
will get a break and that is how I decided that. pleaseing myself firstand then try with
others, but know you can't please everyone all the time. I hope this has helped boy all
my life I have been like the boy named sue and I am a girl, Take care. you sound like you
are a strong person.
(((((BIG BIG HUGS))))
Lynn