hi, i'm new-anyone else not able to work
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hi, i'm new-anyone else not able to work
| Wed, 03-29-2006 - 11:55pm |
my name's Nita and i just turned 44 on the 21st.
i have had an anxiety problem since i was a child. my dad was a WWII POW and my mother was very depressed. daddy instilled in me the belief that the world is a scary bad place full of mean, dangerous people. i am socially phobic in certain situations, especially in the workplace. i feel like a total freak. i haven't worked in 18 months, and my savings is almost gone. that in itself is freaking me out. i feel like there is no place where i belong and could function. i also have depression. i started taking lexapro 2 weeks ago, and that is helping somewhat with the panic attacks. last month, i had a severe attack that led to a migraine and really high blood pressure. i got so scared i called 911. what a mess!! sometimes, i drink too much and take one of my klonopin to calm down. then i call myself stupid the next day for doing that. sometimes, i just want to sleep away my life. i just want everything and everyone to leave me alone.
i unplug my phone and isolate too much. i am attending a job club at the agency where i see my psych nurse. hopefully, that will help me in some way to feel like i can work at some point.
this anxiety and fear has been a monkey on my back my whole life. i'm so sick of it.
thanks so much for listening to me vent.
Nita
i have had an anxiety problem since i was a child. my dad was a WWII POW and my mother was very depressed. daddy instilled in me the belief that the world is a scary bad place full of mean, dangerous people. i am socially phobic in certain situations, especially in the workplace. i feel like a total freak. i haven't worked in 18 months, and my savings is almost gone. that in itself is freaking me out. i feel like there is no place where i belong and could function. i also have depression. i started taking lexapro 2 weeks ago, and that is helping somewhat with the panic attacks. last month, i had a severe attack that led to a migraine and really high blood pressure. i got so scared i called 911. what a mess!! sometimes, i drink too much and take one of my klonopin to calm down. then i call myself stupid the next day for doing that. sometimes, i just want to sleep away my life. i just want everything and everyone to leave me alone.
i unplug my phone and isolate too much. i am attending a job club at the agency where i see my psych nurse. hopefully, that will help me in some way to feel like i can work at some point.
this anxiety and fear has been a monkey on my back my whole life. i'm so sick of it.
thanks so much for listening to me vent.
Nita

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Hello, Nita! I'd like to say welcome back:) I am glad that you remembered us. It's sad to hear that you're still facing many of the same issues. People have been able to learn new coping skills & live with their anxiety issues.
Oh Nita I am so sorry you are going Thur all of this. It can be so scary and so frustrating when we feel we have no control. There is hope though. For many years I would start a new job and then quit because of the attacks. My problem is all so social. Grocery stores or the mall would freak me out, or just talking to some one would make my heart race.
I was on disability for a little over a year. You know what is funny being on disability turned out to be my life saver. Can you speak with your doctor and tell them what is going on? If so you may be able to go on disability. During that time I would really suggest talking to a therapist. Being on disability helped me concentrate on "me"
But remember you have to seek help and get into some program unfortunately medication alone does not make it go away. Congivitive (sp) therapy I found works the best. What it does is helps you replace the negative thoughts into positive thoughts. A lot of times anxiety is just negative thoughts and feelings. Once you can replace them OH MY your life will be so much easier.
I am 35 and can now work full time in a job that I LOVE. Course I don't deal with people LOL I work with animals... animals don't judge you :)
There is hope and I can promise that. The first step is getting into the right kind of therapy that works for you and giving your self permission to take care of "YOU" its hard because guilt can be the enemy. I am not totally free of anxiety but I don't have those horrible attacks any more. I went a entire year with out one and since that one a couple weeks ago things have been back to normal.
Hang in there, There is a end to this, there is hope!!!!
Sheri Ann
I'm 34 and have had my anxiety disorder since I was about 18. What a roller coaster ride...there were times when I couldn't leave my house, couldn't stop crying, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep...and times when I couldn't go to school or work. I haven't worked in about three years because of the anxiety. When I did work it was extremely difficult for me. Its been a really slow process for me but I am making some progress (however small it may be!). I still tend to isolate myself from people and still avoid alot of social situations or things that might trigger my panick. But I am trying to be more positive and take tiny steps when I can...
You are NOT a freak! What is normal really anyway? I hope things get better for you...take tiny steps...and remember you are not alone!
Welcome to the board! Thank-you for being so honest and open about your own experiences.
Sheri Ann
Nita, I posted this in the Anxiety & Phobia Workshop folder, but wanted to reiterate it here.
Sheri Ann
love,
nita
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