in a pickle (kind a long!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
in a pickle (kind a long!)
7
Fri, 03-31-2006 - 11:07am

Hi everyone,

Hope you are well.

I think I got myself into a mess, and I am not sure If I should blow it off, or if I should confront the situation.

I was on the phone with a friend of mine yesturday. We both have so much going on, and she is in the midst of planning her husband's 40th surprise party which is tonight. I called her earlier yesturday, and asked her what she was doing. She told me she was running a bunch of errands. I come to find out that she went to the park with another girl and her son. I don't think this girl is mean, I just think she didn't want to hurt my feelings. Nonetheless, I ruminated about it all day. I was so "hurt" that she didn't tell me the truth. I felt like " oh, I am the "too sensitive one" and she didn't want to deal with my crap."

Later that day, I called her and I was actually on the way to the hospital because my mom broke her arm. (don't ask, it was a horrible day.) I called my friend to tell her and as we were talking, I said "how was your day?" and she said she ran around and didn't do much. I said "oh, didn't you go to the park?" She said, "yeah, I went for a little while, I've been crazy today." HERE IS THE MISTAKE I MADE! I said "you know you can tell me if you make plans with other people." she said " I wasn't not telling you."

My stomach dropped, and I just left it alone. As if we both need to be worrying about such a stupid thing. I just feel like i pissed her off, and made things worse. I was hurt that she didn't invite me, but she also knew I wouldn't be home. This is so dumb, but I am so worried that she is mad at me.

Do I drop it, or tell her I just don't ever want her to be uncomfortable to tell me she is having plans with other people?? I think that might make it worse. Ugggg!!!! It sounds so trivial, and I know her tone probably had more to do with her stress then my stupid comment.

I have done the same exact thing she did. Someone asked me what I was doing tonight, and I didn't want to make them feel bad that they weren't invited to the 40th party.

Help. Sorry this is soooo long.

Love, JD

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Fri, 03-31-2006 - 12:17pm

((JD))

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2005
Fri, 03-31-2006 - 12:18pm

Hello JD,


 

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Fri, 03-31-2006 - 12:38pm

What is done is done. What is passed is past. You can't go back & change it. None of us can. For those of us with anxiety, it's difficult to let sleeping dogs lie. In my experience, it's the best. Confronting it(an unusual choice of words?) would only draw more attention to it & your own insecurities. The sooner you put this behind you, the better. Jeanie has alot of insight. Sheri Ann speaks the truth.


Today, Jolie, how about trying a different tack? Do the exercises suggested in this post:

 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Fri, 03-31-2006 - 12:43pm

I am trying to not ruminate about it. I know it is probably gone from her head, but I can't seem to let it go. I think you are right. I totally agree with you. She sounded mad when I told her that she could make plans with other people. Big woop, right? My therapist always says "so what?" If she is mad, "so what?"

I spoke to my other girlfriend about it and she said it was "progress" for me to even say anything. I think I just worry so much about other's tones, and I need to stop.

You put things in such perspective for me. Thank you so much. I just wish it would stick.

I should be worrying about my mom's broken arm and the fact that my 5 year old was with her alone when she fell. And the fact that she and my son had to get in an ambulance with out me. I should worry about my marriage and the fact that my husband's business is not doing well. Instead, I focus on crap like this. Does she like me?? I'm a mess. :)

Thanks for listening. I always get so much from your messages.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Sat, 04-01-2006 - 7:09am

Please let us know how the party went!

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Sat, 04-01-2006 - 7:39pm

Hi,

I had a really nice time at the party. I was definatly nervous, but I was the "photographer" so I had something to keep my mind occupied. My friend was totally fine and really appreciative that we came and that I took pictures for her. I still worried and waited for her responses to things, though. I definatly find myself waiting for something bad to happen, or a tone in her voice. It's horrible. I totally notice it when I'm in the moment, and then I can't stop myself from ruminating about it.

All in all, everything was ok, and I am glad I went.

Thank you for checking up. I REALLY appreciate it.

Love, JD

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Sat, 04-01-2006 - 8:10pm

I am soooo happy that things went so well!!

Sheri Ann