A Klomopin for your thoughts,....

Avatar for jukie33
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
A Klomopin for your thoughts,....
7
Mon, 04-10-2006 - 8:29pm

Pennies aren't cutting it anymore. LOL


I am having a rough night. Everything in me is topsy turvy. When the panic came on me I wasn't near my meds so it rose to a high level before I could take it and as we all know Klonopin works...in the long run. So I am waiting for things to calm down. I almost go into a trance to keep from acting out in my panic. I have Dissociative Identity Disorder so when I get to this stage a lot of panicing starts in my head and everyone wants to act out. Each having their own way of taking the panic away, most of which are not healthy and some downright dangerous. So I find it is more important to "shut down" the outer life and wait for the medicine to work its magic. I am in such a state of panic right now on the inside that I can't even think of going to bed. Lately going to bed at first soothes me because I know the day is over and nothing will be expected of me for 8 hours but then the nightmares come. My new med prescriber is a Nurse Practitioner and says she will up my meds this week as long as I have found a different form of birth control. She says what I am using is only 93% effective and she can't run the risk of me getting pregnant on these meds because they would harm a fetus. So today I went and signed up for a tubal ligation. I had been thinking of it for a while so signing up was just the next step. I know I can never have children while on these meds and I am almost 40 now and having another child is out of the question anyway. I hope this appeases the NP and she will give me my meds. Hubby is still looking for a job and had a good interview a week ago but we haven't heard anything and that is grating on my nerves too. I really hope the klonopin hurries up and kicks in and I can try to lay down and rest my mind.


So that's where I am tonight. Just waiting for it to subside.


Just Me,


Julie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
Mon, 04-10-2006 - 8:54pm

I hear you about the pennies, lol.

Sheri Ann

Avatar for jukie33
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Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 04-10-2006 - 9:01pm

Thanks Sheri Ann,


Guess I just need to connect to another human being and I thank you for reaching out. I am tired now and going to bed. I hope the bad dreams will abate this one night. Thanks again for reaching out to me. I definitely needed it.


Your Friend,


Julie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
Mon, 04-10-2006 - 9:12pm

I will be up for awhile, so if you want to chat, we can.

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Tue, 04-11-2006 - 12:15am

I am sorry to hear this, Julie. Do you think that stress has brought this on, change or is this the very scary out of the blue stuff? If it's something you can fix, such as lack of sleep or burning the candle @ both ends, you know the drill. Make time for yourself. Don't push so hard or expect so much. We can be our own worst enemies):


How do you feel about not having more kids? Are you sad? Do you feel guilty or unfulfilled? In your shoes, I think I might be angry. It seems almost as if the NP expected action on your part or the help(med increase) would be witheld. That hardly seems fair. When a woman finally comes to the realization whether by age, surgery, health that her childbearing has come to an end, it brings about new feelings that take time to adjust to. Maybe keeping a journal of all your thoughts would help. Especially when each part has their individual feelings & thoughts on coping.


I wish you the very best. You'll be in my T&P's. By now, I hope you're asleep & getting the 8 hours you need & deserve. Please stay safe & keep in touch. (((hugs))) jan


 

 


 



Avatar for jukie33
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 04-11-2006 - 9:41am

I tried getting of the meds in the fall so that I could have another baby. It went really bad. I couldn't get out of bed the depression was so bad and one of my alters that is very bad for me came out and started with her own life again. Her life is in direct opposition of my life. So I went back on meds and when I did I knew that was the last hope of me having another child from my body, but I hope maybe we can adopt later when things are good. My meds are still not at the level they were before I quit meds. Also I went from Effexor (300 mg) to Prozac (60 mg). The Prozac is good in that it helps me feel happiness and I can laugh again. The effexor had me very deadpan. The NP said she would withhold even prescribing any meds if I didn't get better BC. She wasn't just saying she wouldn't up them, she was saying I couldn't even have them. She is just covering her hind end. And I am at a point where it will be okay to have the tubal ligation. Baybay won't be happy about it she wants a baby sister or brother. She still talks of the baby I miscarried and tells me she wishes he would have lived. That's hard on me but I know this is for the best. So I go on Thursday and tell the NP of my plans and hope she will go ahead and prescribe meds till I can get the tubal done. She is mainly worried about an alter named Saelee that is a wild part of me and doesn't use BC at all. So I understand her anxiety. Although Saelee is at the surface she hasn't been able to take over the body for a while. The Geodon takes her power away. I know all this is hard for most on this board to understand but it is my life and its what I have to live with and it's hard. I am glad I have y'all over here to talk to when the anxiety is bad.


Today the anxiety is minimal and I feel pretty good. The dreams weren't so bad as to wake me up last night so I rested pretty good. Thanks for being there when I needed you.


Your Friend,


Julie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Tue, 04-11-2006 - 9:58am
I am a *hand's on* type person. If I experienced what you do, I would understand it better. Through life, I have learned to empathize more. These are your feelings. They are valid to you, dear Julie. I accept you & those feelings in spite of my poor *comprehension.* I wish you only the best & hope this difficult time passes quickly for you.
 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Tue, 04-11-2006 - 10:46am

(((Julie))) I'm glad you got a good nights sleep!

Sheri Ann