I have a date but I want to bail out....
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I have a date but I want to bail out....
| Thu, 04-13-2006 - 7:18pm |
Hello everyone,
I have a question about what to do. I have been emailing a man for a couple of months now, and we have talked a couple of times on the phone. He seems really nice, and he asked me out to lunch on Saturday. He does not know that I have anxiety/panic/social phobia etc... I'm freaking out about going to lunch with him, even though I want to meet. I keep thinking, what if I get sick and can't leave? what if I have a panic attack? what if he doesn't like me/rejects me? This is sending me straight to panic. I don't know if I should just cancel, push through it and not tell him what is going on for me, or be honest and tell him how anxious I am (not a turn on!) What should I do? He called me tonight to confirm plans, but I haven't called back, as I'm afraid to! I also didn't acknowledge the reference to the date in his last email. I don't want him to think that I am some jerk who is just out to hurt him by blowing him off. Any advice would be so helpful. Thank you, Susan
I have a question about what to do. I have been emailing a man for a couple of months now, and we have talked a couple of times on the phone. He seems really nice, and he asked me out to lunch on Saturday. He does not know that I have anxiety/panic/social phobia etc... I'm freaking out about going to lunch with him, even though I want to meet. I keep thinking, what if I get sick and can't leave? what if I have a panic attack? what if he doesn't like me/rejects me? This is sending me straight to panic. I don't know if I should just cancel, push through it and not tell him what is going on for me, or be honest and tell him how anxious I am (not a turn on!) What should I do? He called me tonight to confirm plans, but I haven't called back, as I'm afraid to! I also didn't acknowledge the reference to the date in his last email. I don't want him to think that I am some jerk who is just out to hurt him by blowing him off. Any advice would be so helpful. Thank you, Susan

my opinion would be to be honest with how you feel. the bottome line in my eyes is, if this is a person you would want a rlshp with they have to accept you the way you are. don't be someone you are not. it doesn't get you anywhere. social anxiety has a lot to do with being afraid of being accepted. if you confront the issues ahead of time, you are prepared, he is prepared.
good luck
erika
good luck
Having anxiety myself & a touch of social phobia, I can well understand the turmoil you have yourself in. It all boils down to 2 things, either go or don't go with this man. Your mental health history isn't something you need to discuss on your first date. Your fear of panicking is very real to you, but all of us tend to worry in advance that something devastating will happen, only to find out that's rarely the case. I would hope that you would do the decent thing & let him know you won't be meeting, if that's your decision. Ultimately, the choice is yours. If we were to tell you what to choose, then you could come back & blame us if things didn't go well. That's something that as adults we have to learn, Susan. Make our own decisions & learn to live with the consequences.
Here's a bit of advice from another corner. Stay safe! I don't care how nice this man seems, if you've never met before & only know him from online, meet him in a very public place. Do NOT get into a car alone with him or invite him to your place or go to his. I know I sound like your mother, but ... better to be safe than sorry. Good luck! (((hugs))) jan
As Jan said, I would be careful.
Sheri Ann
Hi,
Thank you both for responding to me. I know that it is my decision to make, and I have decided to go and see what happens. If I feel anxious, I will just tell him that I need to leave soon to run errands for Easter, or I'll just say that I have to go. We are meeting in a very public place, so I feel safe. And, my friends and mom know where I am going to be! I'll let you know :) Take care, susan
Great!
Sheri Ann