Hello

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2005
Hello
6
Tue, 04-18-2006 - 11:56am

Hi Everyone,

I'm so happy to have found this message board! I belong to a couple of other boards, but I've never encountered anyone who spoke about having an anxiety disorder, so it's refreshing to be able to read about others' experiences and feel like someone understands what I'm talking about.

I developed panic disorder in December 1999. It started while smoking, and I thought I was having a heart attack. I could hear my heart pounding, my hands went numb and clenched up, my mouth and thighs went numb, I couldn't breath, and my chest was sooo tight. In order to slow my heart down, the doctor gave me medication that lowers blood pressure, so after a few days of that I almost went into shock because my blood pressure got so low! I didn't know what I was going to do until my aunt finally took me to her doctor, who prescribed Paxil and recommended I see a therapist. I saw her for a few months and feel that she helped me identify how past experiences were influencing my thinking and contributing to the problem. As for the Paxil, I was upset that it increased the frequency of my heart palpitations, but I stayed on it for year. One day while out of town I ran out, and at the time I felt that I had the panic under control, so I decided to quit. The following week was horrible! In future I would definitely wean myself from any medication.

Since then I haven't had a panic attack, though a few times I've been on the verge. Since I know the signs, when I feel one coming on I take steps to stop it (my doctor prescribes 30 clonazepam for the year, and I end up using about 10-15 of them). I've gotten used to muscle spasms in my chest and occasional shortness of breath.

Lately though, I haven't been managing so well, and I'm starting to lose control of the anxiety again. I've been experiencing weakness, light-headedness, shaky legs. Then last night I felt an attack starting. I was just lying in bed trying to fall asleep (which was always the worst time for me). I couldn't believe it! I thought I had beaten this years ago! I managed to stop it before it got out of control, but without the pills because I had been drinking wine. I woke my fiance up and told him what was going on (he had never seen an attack before). He helped me remember to slow down my breathing, then he got up with me to have a chamomile tea and watch an episode of South Park (I always used TV shows to distract me in the past). I finally got to sleep, but very lightly, and today I'm exhausted.

I know what is causing this, but it's all supposed to be good things! We got engaged January 1, and all the big things are taken care of for our September 2 wedding, and we've also bought our first house, which we will move into June 10, after remodelling the bathroom (the new one will be gorgeous)! We don't have to worry about money, we're both notorious budgeters and know we will be able to cover the costs of everything. Despite all this I still tense up whenever I think about these things, simply because there are some many little details to remember. We also want to try having a baby next year, and I'm worried that I won't be able to conceive because of stress, that I'll "damage" the baby by worrying throughout the pregnancy, and that I'll have a panic attack during labour. Ugh!!! I need to retrain my brain, and I've signed up for the upcoming workshop. I should be enjoying this time, and I don't want to ruin it for my fiance with my incessant worrying and irritability, so I'm going to be looking to this community to see how you are coping in your lives, and to not feel so alone in a sea of "normal" people.

Thanks for reading (sorry it's so long)! Have a great day.

Amy




Edited 4/18/2006 12:00 pm ET by amyata75
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: amyata75
Tue, 04-18-2006 - 1:23pm

Hi, Amy! It's nice to have you here. You are NOT alone. More than likely you have discovered the source of your latest anxiety. We do know ourselves best;)


The fact that you have managed your fears/anxiety so well in the past is a testament to what you'll be able to do in the future. We are all sucked in by the *what if* thinking. My gramma always told me not to borrow trouble. I am an expert @ worrying about what might happen. But, I also am an expert in experience which is the greatest teacher. What I have worried about rarely if ever happens. If it does, it isn't nearly on the massive scale I had myself all worked up about. LOL There isn't any point in worrying about stressing a growing baby. As for delivering that baby, from my experience, you won't have time or energy to panic when that situation develops:) Check out our *coping tips & tricks* folder below for some great ways to handle stress & anxiety.


That seminar sounds grrrreat! Please share what you learn. I am so glad to hear that you are being pro-active in getting your balance back. You do have many positive things to look forward too. I hope that when the negative thinking creeps in, you'll be able to blast them away with all the good things coming up. Post anytime. Join us in chats. Our caring community members are generous in sharing their experiences & coping methods that help. Good luck & GBU! (((hugs))) jan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2001
In reply to: amyata75
Tue, 04-18-2006 - 1:57pm

Hi Amy!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
In reply to: amyata75
Tue, 04-18-2006 - 8:26pm
Amy WELCOME to stress city!!! just kidding!
You have a lot going on in the future and it seems
that you are thinking of it ALL AT ONCE!!!
Easy to say but try thinking about the things YOU HAVE TO
for right now!! I cannot think to far ahead and I try to
focus on today. I know you have to think about these things
that will be so important to you and your soon to be hubby!!
Start with the wedding and get that in order that is ENOUGH
to deal with for now!! Take things as they come----
You have done a great job dealing with your panic attacks
in the past so REMEMBER THAT!!! Join us anytime in chat and on
the boards! This is an exciting time for you!! HUGS! Judy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
In reply to: amyata75
Tue, 04-18-2006 - 8:31pm

Welcome, I'm glad you found us :)

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2005
In reply to: amyata75
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 8:56am
Thanks for the welcome everyone! I did better yesterday, I tried some of the deep breathing techniques and they really did help me feel more relaxed. Now I've just got to make it through the next seven days - my fiance just left on a business trip, I'm in a power struggle with my parents over the wedding invitations, the doctor who told me to go home and "relax" last week just called me in because apparently he just found something with my blood test (which he had said was fine before), and I've got to find lace for my wedding dress this weekend (I hate going in those stores by myself!) I think it's time for me to start a new list, outlining exactly what I need to tackle and when, so that I can focus on one thing at a time. I have a wedding planner, but that is just wedding stuff, and I have more than just that to take care of :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2001
In reply to: amyata75
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 2:48pm
I am so glad that you did better!

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