Missed a chance...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Missed a chance...
3
Fri, 05-12-2006 - 8:08pm

Hi again...it's been a little while. I finally got done with my exams today, so I'm taking a short break (before I have to start studying again nonstop for our first licensing exam!). At least I made it through exams OK, though I'm mad at myself for not preparing as well as I should have for today's...but my anxiety is still a problem...

I actually got an email last night about the need for volunteers to help at a weekend health clinic tomorrow, where it would be absolutely perfect practice for me (in theory, at least!). I was so nervous about the idea of it, but still I emailed back and agreed to do it...only to have a near panic attack a few minutes later. So I sent another email apologizing and saying I couldn't do it because I'd forgotten that I already had plans...how stupid that must have sounded!

I don't remember ever getting quite so panicky about something like this...it seems like my anxiety has actually gotten a lot worse lately. Especially since getting the bad comments from the practice session I had earlier...now I feel like it's so obvious how anxious I am, and that just makes it all ten times worse.

Plus I guess I've been staying inside too much to study, so now going out at all is even more of a stressful thing than usual. I've realized I start holding my breath when I'm around people, and I've turned red and felt like I can't breathe...I'm only OK again when I get back to my own room and close the door.

And last night, when I started panicking, I took an Ambien to calm down (it was late at night anyway), which of course made me unable to concentrate well...so I ended up not studying as much as I'd planned for the test today, and I think my grade suffered, and that makes me really mad at myself.

I just found out there's not another chance to volunteer for at least two weeks...but even then, how am I going to do this?! I know this is absolutely the wrong attitude to have, but I feel like a "dead man walking"...that I'm just waiting to get into the hospital to work and hear about how horrible I'm doing...and there's nothing I can seem to do about it...every time I try to work on it now, I just get more anxious and even panic...

Sorry for this post, and the fact that it's the same issues over and over again...but I guess I'm just starting to realize how big of a problem this social anxiety is for me...thanks for listening,

Rose

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Fri, 05-12-2006 - 8:18pm

(((Rose))) I'm sorry to hear you are going through this.

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Fri, 05-12-2006 - 9:16pm

(((Rose))) This is hard for you. But, though you missed a chance, you have another. Try to look @ it in a positive light. You have 2 weeks to prepare & Sheri Ann gave you some sound ideas. Like most of us with anxiety issues, we are harder on ourselves than we need to be. You have just come off some heavy duty studying sessions & some very stressful tests. You need some rest anyway. Starting a new experience that you already know will be a challenge, can wait. You aren't a bad person for changing your mind. Be kinder to yourself.


I hope you reconsider & sign up for the next volunteer openings. Practice makes perfect & here's an opportunity that fits the bill. Let us know what you decide. You know you can always stop in here for a push or a boost or just to vent! Good luck & GBU! jan




 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 4:00pm

Hi Rose!

Sheri Ann