changes in your relationships?
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| Mon, 05-22-2006 - 12:33pm |
I'm just wondering if anyone else is going through the same thing. I've been in therapy for just over a year now, and I'm finding that my relationships with people are changing--with my mom, particularly. I never knew I had such "mother issues," but a lot has come out in therapy and it's been really hard. It's not like my parents were abusive or anything like that, but I'm beginning to realize that the way I was parented has caused some major issues with my social development and stuff. I find myself pulling back from my mom now. And on Friday we had a fight. Basically, the thing with my parents (mostly with my mom) is that I'm not allowed to disagree with them if that makes any sense. If I disagree with them on something or say no when they ask me for something, then that is tantamount to high treason in their eyes. I'm selfish and they didn't raise me to be that way, and we don't understand what we did to make you this way, etc. FYI, I am 27 years old. It's not like I'm a minor living under their roof.
How do you cope with something like this? And has anyone had family members come with them to a therapy session? Twice now my therapist has asked if I would be interested in my mom coming in with me for a session, and each time I've freaked out and said no. I really do not like the idea all. What are the pros and cons?
Thanks,
Laura


Hi, Laura! It is good news that you are moving ahead with your therapist. Family sessions are not uncommon. In the hands of the right *t* they can be very helpful. But, if your mom is anything like mine, she made up her mind along time ago that my issues had NOTHING to do with her. LOL It's always worth giving a shot or your *t* wouldn't have suggested it.
As far as changes in your relationships, that is common too. You are more aware of your behavior & how you interact with others. Secondly, you are a year older & all of us will grow in life. The dynamics of the parent & child relationship probably are
Jan you have a lot of interesting info in your post.My mom also decided my issues had nothing to do with her.She was totally against *t*.My mom is also controlling and likes to make me feel guilty.
Hello,Laura,when I was younger and in therapy a lot of my relationships with people changed.My mom being one of them.If things didn't go her way,she would take things away from me.When I seen the full picture,I made sure she could not take away from me anymore.My *t* gave me a heads up to her next approach.Guilt,she was right.To this day my mom tries that on me.I confront her now,which really changed our relationship.If I cant run her errands for her,because I have my own family now,she will say things to make me feel guilty.One of my big things as an adult was,I still felt like a child and needed my moms go-ahead.Even going to college,my mom was never behind me and always took the good away.My thoughts are that she didn't have all the things she wanted in life.Their for if any of us kids became more then her,she would take away the confidence we had to do things,to keep us down with her.As an adult when she tries to knock me down for the positives in my life,I really enjoy confronting her.Our relationship has defiantly changed because of it.My mom totally disagrees with *t*saying people need to accept their own wrong turns in life and she will never understand how she had any involvement in my issues.She wont even go there with me.This subject drives me crazy.I want her to understand and she refuses.
Jeanie
Laura, I have had a similar childhood.
Sheri Ann