ugg. Anxiety is back.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
ugg. Anxiety is back.
5
Sat, 05-27-2006 - 9:51am

HI all,

Hope you are all doing well.

I am starting to feel the anxiety more and more lately. The paxil has taken the edge off, but I just can't stop the triggers.

My 51/2 is starting kndgtn in the fall, and I am trying so hard to not "project" my fears onto him. He loves to play with the girls, and all his friends are girls. He plays with the boys, but only if I make the playdates with them. Now the little girls are starting to pair off, which I know is normal, but I see my son getting left out. I also feel left out from the moms. Now that all the girls are getting closer, the moms are as well, and I feel pushed out. I feel like I am getting paranoid that they are talking about me, and how needy I am. I try to back off, but then I feel like I come back even more desperate.

My whole life I have tried to fit in, and I know I was well liked, but I never felt it. I see all these woman getting together, and maybe I am fantasizing it all in my head, but it seems like they are leaving me out, and that they are all getting close and forming a "group." I guess it's my paranoid head that thinks I am missing out on something, however, it still feels like my mind is stuck in highschool.

I have so many other things to worry about in my life, but this always seems to be the focal point at the tip of my brain. Friends and people not liking me. My husbands business is about to go belly up, my marriage has no intimacy, I lost my father this past year, my mother is alone, bla bla bla!! All I can do is panic about my pathetic 36 year old self not being included, and my son being left out. It breaks my heart for him because he is the sweetest boy. (sensitive like his mommy!). I don't know, my heart breaks for him, and for me. I am just so sick of myself.

Thanks for reading. I really appreciate it. I have no one to share this with.

Love, Jolie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Sat, 05-27-2006 - 11:09am

Sorry to hear this, Jolie. You do seem to have alot on your plate. We can never live totally stress free lives. We need some to keep us mentally alert & ready to face a real danger that we might encounter. But, you can fix some things. You can use the many coping techniques that are in the folder below. It's always best to re-focus our thinking towards the positive. Are you exercising? Are you getting out on your own with friends or family for lunch, a movie, a day of shopping, etc? I think from what you write that you're a good mom, but focusing on your son's social life isn't helping you. These friendships developed by 5 yo's are NOT set in stone. We all grow in life & our interests change. Your ds will prefer the company of boys when he gets to that stage of development. Children need room & managing your ds's life is not in his best interest. I hope that you'll be able to allow him some freedom as he's getting older. You can't project your fears on children. That isn't fair.


I am not sure how long you've been on the paxil, but maybe it's time for a tune up. Also, are you in therapy or considering it? Your feelings that you don't measure up or that others are talking about you need to be explored, IMHO. You must be in an anxious state constantly & that can't be good for your health. If you are truly sick of yourself, you will get some help in coping more effectively. That has been my experience when my anxiety/panic were @ their worst. Keep in touch. We care. Good luck & GBU! (((hugs))) jan




 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2005
Sat, 05-27-2006 - 11:35am

Hi Jolie,I think I have already

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Sat, 05-27-2006 - 4:29pm

Hi Jolie, I think this would be an excellent time to work this out for the future.

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Sat, 05-27-2006 - 4:31pm

The same thing happened with me, Jeanie.

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2005
Sat, 05-27-2006 - 7:01pm
Jolie You are dealing with several issues!!
I think your selfesteem needs a booster shot!!!!
You are a good mother and care about your son a great deal!
He will manage just fine--- school provides so many children
to chose from! Before you know it he will have his little buddies
running around your house with him!!!
These "friends" you talk about remind me of the group I hung out
with when my kids were young! I too felt like I was not just in
with them---- they all tell me that is not so! I know now that
my feelings were SUPERSENSITIVE!!! anytime I was not included I would
think there see I was right-------- never thinking someone forgot to ask me
or I was not around to ask! Sooooo all I can say is give yourself
a break! YOU start to focus on something other then them and they will
be around wondering where you are!! I know this from experience---
and also LIFE GOES ON!!! There are so many people on this earth and
just think maybe someone just like yourself is waiting to find a new friend!
I hope that you go to therapy it seems like you would benefit from it---
you have to recognize your own worth before expecting others to meet your
needs! There are many self esteem books in the libraries check one out!!
Take care and GBY! Judy