severe fear and anxiety

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2006
severe fear and anxiety
11
Sat, 06-03-2006 - 1:29pm
Hello. I am new to the boards.. I have been suffering from anxiety and panic disorder for close to 10 years now. I am 34. I am on medication and it has worked wonders in certain areas however, I have a phobia when it comes to going to the doctor. I have always had this constant fear that they are going to tell me I am dying of something.. The "C" word freaks me out ( cancer) however, I am a whack job and smoke cigg's so to say I freak about my health and then in turn say I am a smoker sounds crazy.. For the longest time, I stopped going on line reading stuff about medical conditions and have thrown out all of my medical books however recently I have been going through a difficult time with a health concern that I have and I am scared to death to go to the doctor.. Its eating me a live and it is destroying my everyday life.. My friends tell me well if there is anything wrong with you wouldnt you want to go now then later.. I am so scared I say to myself I just dont want to know and everyday pray my symtoms will just go away!! I just dont know what to do.. Do I share this with my shrink? Has anyone out there ever experienced anything like this B4?? I feel like I am going crazy. I have two kids and every time I look at them I think Oh my God if something is wrong with me how would I tell them? and if I die how would they cope?? God just let me raise my kids then I dont care what happens to me let me just be around until they are 18.. I have made approx. 3 doctors appointments since January and the appointments have turned into NO SHOWS!! Ill try to get the courage to just go and then on the day of the appointment, Ill have an excuse..I am currently on Wellbuterin and Xanax as needed however I dont take it in the day time because I get way to tired and feel like I cant function. I am happy with the Wellbuterin because it had rsolved my depression issues.. Years prior to this I have tried Paxil, Zoloft and I got sick and for a short time Prozac however I suffered sexual side effects with it.. Sorry for going on and on. I just thought let me try this and see if anyone can relate to this.. Thanks Kriss

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Sat, 06-03-2006 - 2:24pm

Hi, Kriss & welcome to our caring community. I am happy that you found us. Believe me when I say, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Fear of illness is very common. Many of us have neglected a health concern simply because we didn't want to face the music. Please tell your pdoc(shrink) or *T.*(therapist) Maybe they can give you a boost & get you to follow through on that very important appointment. Maybe you could take a xanax & have a friend drive you there. Of course there could be something wrong. But, there's every chance in the world there isn't. If there is something found, then get the proper treatment sooner rather than later. Keep this in perspective. Do it for yourself first, then the kids second. You will be so relieved to find out one way or another.


Please read through our *coping tips & tricks* folder below. I have used the belly breathing & meditation to help me through anxiety/panic. Join us in chats on Tues. & Thurs. evenings. Post to the board with any questions or concerns. Read what others have written about what they have experienced & how they are learning to cope.


You are NOT going crazy. What you describe is what everyone here has felt. We want you to feel better. Keep in touch. Good luck & GBU! (((hugs))) jan




 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Sat, 06-03-2006 - 9:59pm

Hi & welcome!

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2005
Sat, 06-03-2006 - 11:19pm
Kriss I CAN relate to your fear!!
Actually you probably don't fear the doctor but what he
"MIGHT" find!! Sooooooo knowing is better than all this worry??
This fear of yours is not going anywhere until you fight it and go!
I know it must be scary for you---- it is when we have symptoms!!
What if you take 1/2 a xanax?? have you tried that?
I have taken xanax for a long time .25 and have found it helps me
meet the challenges of panic disorder!! WELCOME TO OUR BOARD!!
You are NOT ALONE!! What if all this worry is for nothing???
I would have to know!! Deep down you know that you have to do this
FOR YOUR KIDS IF NOT YOURSELF!! IF it is an illness I am sure there
is help for it!! Try again! HUGS!! Judy
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2005
Sun, 06-04-2006 - 9:09am

I can totally relate as well. I have a major fear of the doctor... just sitting in the waiting room freaks me out. I don't even know what i am afraid of in there.

Check out my blog! A Hesitant Housewife
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2006
Sun, 06-04-2006 - 9:51am
Hi Judy..
Thanks for responding.. I am trying so so hard but my mind is fighting me back.. Its morning till night when I go to sleep that I am in constant fear over this.. I am 34, and I mentioned in my first post I am a smoker.. Anyway, In January I started to get a sore throat.. Long story short after a week or so I had a refill on an antibiotic and took it and low and behold the sore throat came back again.. This has been going on for quite some time.. On and off sore throats.. I called the doctor maybe 4 weeks ago and lied and told him my kids had strp thrat and I couldnt swallow so he called in another antibiotic.. I just thought let me try one more time.. There is no way at this point it is strep.. I also suffer from nansty jaw pain which I am 99% convinced it is TMJ.. I went online back in January and read this article on an ENT site and I went hysterical!!!! It talked about the throat and the pain into the ear and cancer!! I just cant bear the thought.. I am so so scared.. I am paralized in FEAR!! I have no one to talk too.. Nobody understands.. I hold everything in so it makes it worse.. I look at my kids and get so so scared that they wont have a mother!! I feel like I am falling apart!! I just want it to go away.. I have asked friends opinions and they have said Kriss, if it was cancer, it would be getting worse not on and off and showeing no other symtoms but still I am so so obsessed about the "C" word.. You are all just so wonderful on here. I will mark on my calender regarding the live chats that you all have. Kriss :0)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2005
Sun, 06-04-2006 - 5:44pm

Hey you sound like me talking.I worry about throat cancer all the time,I smoke like a chimney in December and also have recurring sore throats.Smoking is very bad and I want to quit sooo bad,its just hard the more I think about quitting the more I smoke.But I was so worried about throat cancer a few months back,I drove myself insane.Allergies are what cause me to keep having,sore throat,earache, headache.Smoking don't help me either.I have a friend who does my lawn care who had cancer (throat cancer).He had a sore throat that didn't let up,but also a sensation of something hanging in his throat,and his voice was barely their.It progressed very fast.I used to drive myself so crazy with worry about having cancer.I watched my dad suffer from lung cancer.I wish I would have learned from that and quit,but what I did learn was that he never obsessed about having it,he just had it.When I would find my own self obsessing about it,I would try and look at the big picture and ask myself if this was me obsessing or was their an actual illness that needed checked out.Almost always it was my anxiety and obsessive thoughts causing it.I suffer from debilitating migraines.I live in fear and panic somedays for the whole day,thinking I will have a mig.They scare me to death.I went to the doc the other day,I needed him to reassure me that I am not having a stroke.I am the opposite,I need the doc to tell me one way or the other,so I can put a worry to rest or,deal with whatever.You should try to find a way to make yourself go get a check up,you will be so relieved.When I was convinced a few times in my life I had throat cancer I would always look in my throat,poking around down their looking for the LUMP,I was actually causing irration* in their,giving myself a sore throat.You are not alone with this,we all know what your going threw and understand.I think I have thought I had just about every illness possible.I cant read anything medical,because I always have a symptom of everything.


Jeanie

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2005
Sun, 06-04-2006 - 6:23pm
KEL I AM ROLLING ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING!!!!
You are so funny! Thanks for a good laugh------ Judy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Sun, 06-04-2006 - 8:33pm
Sometimes that is our only option. Just laugh @ how we spin the smallest detail into a catastrophic illness. I can totally relate, Kel. I used to get so blasted mad @ myself for conjuring up such awfulness that when I was in a sound state of mind, I would cry & get deeply depressed. It took me awhile, but I learned to laugh. I accept myself as being different & more than a bit unique. I actually think folks with anxiety are pretty darn creative. LOL Thx for sharing! (((hugs))) jan




 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2005
Sun, 06-04-2006 - 8:59pm

now that I have heard more of your story.. .i do think you should visit the doctor... but definitley stop self-diagnosing yourself.

Check out my blog! A Hesitant Housewife
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Mon, 06-05-2006 - 11:03am

Kel, that is too funny, lol.

Sheri Ann

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