Anxiety fueling depression...(long)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Anxiety fueling depression...(long)
1
Thu, 06-08-2006 - 2:34am

Hi again...it's been a little while since I last posted here. I don't know why, you all are so helpful...and I can't say I've been busy lately (though I should have been)...

I ended up talking with the dean of my school and deciding to take a month off before starting work in the hospital...and I also postponed taking this major licensing exam I need to study for. The main reason I'm taking the month off is this social anxiety...I did talk about this with the dean, and she's going to try to set me up with a "mentor" kind of person to help get some practice with things I have trouble with...

But she did add that if this doesn't help and I can't seem to get past this, maybe this field just isn't for me. I started crying a little in her office even, which was very embarrassing...she was generally very kind about it, and even said that part in a nice way, but it was the idea that was upsetting.

I'm not sure if taking time off is the best idea...I know I need to come up with some kind of schedule to prevent myself from doing what I have been doing, which is sleeping most of the day and night. I am tired, though, and I still have these health problems I need to figure out...daily migraines I can't seem to get under control, and digestive problems that have caused me to lose a good bit of weight (too much).

And that just starts more anxiety for me. I had an appointment scheduled at the end of this month to go see a rheumatologist about my joint problems, but the doctor's office called and said they'd made a mistake and had to reschedule for several weeks later, too late for it to do much good for me in terms of preparing for work! I called back and got a nice secretary to try to see what she could do, but I think there's nothing open.

I have one joint in my foot in particular that has started to hurt pretty badly and looks kind of odd, and I start to focus on, what if I'm getting irreversible damage to it, and I can't get it treated just because I can't get an appointment? I used to be pretty athletic and energetic, and now I'm just a too-thin, exhausted, depressed person...

Sorry, this has already gotten way too long. I guess the original point of my post was to say that as I sleep all day and don't go outside and end up getting even more anxious around people, I get even more depressed, and the cycle goes on. I honestly don't see the point of anything anymore...there is nothing that I look forward to.

I am going "home" to visit my parents on Friday, across the country, which I'm also anxious about, since my parents will get upset about my weight and probably everything else (I'm an adult now, but it doesn't matter with mothers, of course!). So maybe that will break this cycle, though, of staying in all day...I know they will force me to do active things and not sleep, and I'm dreading it...but I guess it will be "good" for me...

Sorry again, thanks for letting me type all this out...guess I should try to get to bed so I can get on a normal schedule. I do have a therapy appointment tomorrow, not sure what to say...and unfortunately if anyone wants to ask, this is me on meds! (two different antidepressants). I'm not really sure what else to do.

Rose

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Thu, 06-08-2006 - 11:23am

Hi Rosa, the meds aren't doing what they need to do, obviously ;)

Sheri Ann