party pooper

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
party pooper
2
Thu, 06-08-2006 - 1:55pm

Hi all,

I am so anxious right now, and I'll tell you why.

My 5 year old has many friends, most of them girls. He loves to play with girl things, and he is very sensitive. He is a good boy. Now he is getting to the age where the girls are starting to click off, and he is starting to feel very left out. (like his mommy!) One of the little girls who is a very good friend is having a special tea party today. All of his friends (meaning his girlfriends)are invited, and Zach was the only boy invited. All the girls will be dressed up in dress up clothes and will be making jewelery boxes. I know Zach would have had a great time, however, I did not send him because I also know that 5 girls and one boy could have turned out to be a disaster. He usually comes home from school and tells me that two girls only wanted to play with each other, and not him. I am pretty sure that is what would have happened. He would have been the only person not dressed up. He didn't mention it to me, so I don't think he was too bothered by it. Usually, he talks for hours about something he is upset about. (again, like his mommy!) I feel terrible that I didn't send him, but at the same time, I felt like it was the right thing to do.

I have no confidence in my decisions. I over think everything, and I don't want to project my crap onto him. If it were a birthday party, I would have sent him. I know he needs to make some new boy friends, but all his friends have been girls up to this point. Also, you all know that I didn't want to be there either. Let's be honest!

I did feel good that he was included, and the mom throwing the party seemed very dissapointed that I was not coming. That made me feel really good. One of the moms who would have been there really triggers my anxiety, and I just could not handle it today.

How do I feel confident in my decisions and how to I help my son to gain some strength, as well.

Thanks, once again for reading. I really, truly appreciate it. I don't want to ruminate about this any more! It's driving me crazy. The party is almost over by now, and there is nothing I can do about it.

Love and hugs, JD

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
In reply to: jlvst
Thu, 06-08-2006 - 4:45pm

(((JD))) I can imagine how hard this was for you!

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
In reply to: jlvst
Sat, 06-10-2006 - 10:15am

Good Morning. Sorry it took me a while to get back to you.

I didn't send Zach because I thought it would be best for him. I know I was included, and you are right. It was hard for me not to go because now I feel like they won't include me again. It's a vicious circle! As it turns out, the party was extremely girly, and my friend who threw it said it was probably best he didn't come. Not because of the jewelery box or dress up, but because all the girls were very into each other. I am not sure what would have happened, and it probably could have been ok, but he has had such a hard time lately feeling left out with the girls. I avoided it for me because of my anxiety, and the moms. That is a whole seperate issue. I went to a bbq yesturday with all the same people, and I felt extremely anxious the entire time. I just kept feeling like the moms didn't like me and that they were talking about me. Why do I feel like they are so much better than me???????? I need to get out of the 12 year old girl mind set. I'm working on it. Very, very hard.

I hope your son is ok. I have a friend who's daughter is a homebody. She would rather stay home and play then run around. Maybe it is his comfort level at this time? I don't think it has anything to do with you. I think it is the age, and all the transitions going on. It's a tough year.

Thanks again for listening. It means so much to me to have this place to come. It's been a god send for me.

Love, Jolie