totally loosing it
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| Wed, 06-14-2006 - 7:08pm |
Ok, I am loosing my mind. I can't stop the ruminations. I am totally obsessed about a friend of mine. I am convising myself she doesn't want to be my friend anymore. I feel like I am annoying her to no end, and that she is backing off. We are very close, but I feel such a disconnect. She has a lot going on in her life, and the way she deals with stuff is to hold everything in. She hasn't called me for plans, and our kids used to play a lot.
I feel so alone, and I don't know what to do. I truly feel like nobody loves me and that I have no where to turn. Everyone is so sick of my bs, and nobody wants to hear it anymore. I am so sick of myself.
I tried to confront her with it, and told her how I felt, and she just told me that she has a lot going on, and our schedules are different since school has been out. As far as I am concerned, that shouldn't be an issue. To me, if you are super close, you should always make an effort, even though schedules have changed.
I don't know, I just want it all to stop. The anxiety, the ruminating, the panic. I know I blow most of this up in my head, and that most of it is not real. I don't know what triggers it, but i feel like I have no friends. I am afraid of everyone, and I am so afraid to make a wrong move. It is a terrible way to live.
I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to when I get like this, and when I do, I end up pushing them away. When they learn the true me, they don't like me. When will I learn to keep my mouth shut.
thanks for listening.
JD

Blessings,
Suz
Blessings,
Suz
(((Jolie))) We are here for you, so vent away.
Sheri Ann
Hi JD -
You're not losing it. You're transitioning. We're learning the hard way to be our own best friend. It's probably one of the most single scariest thing we ever have to face, next to losing someone to death. It's almost like a grieving process. I too am going through losing a friendship that I so cherish. Because of my illnesses I have burdened people that I love for so long that they are burnt out by my stuff. I respect their lives and wish nothing but the best for everyone. I'm sure they know that. But, my focus has been for so long on myself that I have not been able to be a good friend. I'm trying to teach myself to be that good listener I once was and get out of being stuck. It is incredibly sad to me that I have wronged anyone. I never intended to do that. But I did.
Time does heal. And unfortunately we do lose friends when we go through such heart-wrenching ordeals. We're not the same people - we are but we aren't. For our own sake we can't go back to where we once were. Unfortunately, where we once were didn't get us to a totally good place for our lives. So now we must be our own best friend and be thankful for those around us that have been able to stick with us.
I'm new to these message boards and have already (in one day) found great appreciation in hearing the trials and tribulations of others. I wish I had taken this step a long time ago. Maybe my progress would be that much further. But at the end of the day our paths lead us.
I wish good things for you. Let yourself heal so that way when you get together with the people you care about, they will truly have you present. We're not able to be "present" right now with our friends. We're not able to take on their issues. It's hard to say but this may be a blessing for us in a very weird disguise. Love the many good times you've had and know that there will be more. There will be. Remember that those around you do love you. It's hard for them to see you going through what you are. You are a good person and will get better.
Cheers, Tanya