AHHHHHHHHHHH

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2000
AHHHHHHHHHHH
4
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 10:56am

Hello...I've writen this discussion about 3 times now....my computer is freaking out...so here it goes again....
I've posted here before.. i'm 26, i suffer from agoraphobia and have had PA's since age 8. Sad i know....they've gotten better and for periods for time gone away completely...but lately it's been worse...actually the worst ever... I can barely leave my house without feeling anxious or scared. I hate work because when i'm bored i just dwell on it and all i have done this morning is cried. I don't really have anyone to talk to about it...that's why i talk to you all....that's not the only reason i'm here but this helps alot to at least write it down.....My Fiancee is supportive but sometimes not...he thinks if i take medicine it is the cure all... which I know not to be true...I know it helps and i've been there....I'm at the point of self destruction...i don't really know what to do...we are going on vacation at the end of July..to the Fl Keys about a 5 hour drive from our house....i used to love the water..but recently have become very phobic/....tsunami's rogue waves...so on and so forth. I love to scuba dive...etc...but last time we went out diving i had a PA on the boat and had to go back to land...I don't know what to do... I am at the end of my rope....I just want to go back to bed and cry.....help me...

Kristiana
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2006
In reply to: kpowers3
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 3:35pm

Hey,

I'm glad I checked in here. I was looking on here quite a bit a few months ago, but when I started to feel better I kind of stopped. Something told me to check it out today, I did, and now I'm meeting you.

I want to say thank you for speaking out. Do you realize you have already made a difference in someone's life today?? You just reminded me, possibly others, that what I feel sometimes is not an uncommon thing and that I am not alone. At the peak of my depression I was eating chinese food with my friend "D"... She had been battling depression also and I thought I'd find comfort in talking to her about it. At the end of our meal, I split open my fortune cookie..... "We cannot be happy unless we believe we are the means of good to others". The paradox is that "D" found comfort in sitting there talking to me and helping me, in turn I felt comfort in reaching out to others and in speaking out.

When I first started getting PA's and was feeling depressed, I felt ashamed and I became obsessed with figuring out why I was feeling that way. The truth is, there could have been ten different reasons I felt that way. The day I felt better was the day I sat there, crying, and said.... "Ok, I'm feeling panicky, I'm feeling anxious, I'm feeling depressed, and that is OK and I believe that I am allowed to feel this way"... Life is scary, we watch all these horrible stories on the news (tsunamis, war, murder), read all these articles about how this gives you cancer now, feel all this pressure to look a certain way, we see people treat each other horribly, we see people lie, cheat, steal... Of course this is upsetting, of course we panic, of course we worry, of course we are not happy... The point is, the world is a scary place, but we can make it better... and we don't have to do it by taking extroardinary measures.. all we have to do is treat each other better, speak up, reach out..say "Hey, it's alright. I feel like that, too. But just reach out when you're scared and I will grab your hand, and you can hold on to me." I think that we should spend more time holding on to each other, reaching out for one another, and being the strength when someone else is weak.

About the medicine, I was prescribed something for my panic attacks, which I do not take. I am not a doctor and am not saying that anyone should listen to me or take advice from me, but I don't agree with just taking medicine. I feel that it just hides the symptoms, but doesn't solve the problem.

And of course it's completely normal to have some fears.. I don't like the water too much myself... but I really make a strong effort not to let my fears hold me back. Listen, you're just feeding your fears if you listen to them. We have this beautiful earth, you have to get out there and enjoy it.. Take your shoes off, let your feet feel the earth underneath you, put a blanket down and watch the clouds pass by, take a walk and breathe in the fresh air, put on your bathing suit and feel the warm florida waters rush over your body. don't let your fears control you, you deserve to enjoy this life and all it has to offer. and your fiancee is waiting for you :)

One last thing, I know how hard it is to remember this when you're having a PA, but keep telling it to yourself throughout the day, every day. People don't die from PA's, they are real scary, but I'm not going to die. Something is bothering me, and that's ok, I'm allowed to feel scared and worried, but I will not let it control my life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
In reply to: kpowers3
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 9:42pm

I was hoping you were feeling better, since you've been away!

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2006
In reply to: kpowers3
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 3:01pm
God Bless you.. I feel so sorry for you.. I have a few phobias one not going to the doctor and any medical issues and I will not go on any type of public transportation like planes and stuff I have to be in full control or I will have a panic attck.. I avoid these things and obviously that prevents the panic attack which isnt good but thats where I am at right now.. With your situation, its a BIG DEAL.. I couldnt live like that or accept that.. I would make an appointment with your doctor and talk about making some changes.. If you are not pleased with the results I would find another doctor.. I would also find a therapist that specializes in this situation.. My doctor just told me that there are therapists that just deal with A phobia.. Look into it.. Apparently, it can make a big differemce.. I see a therapist and love her but she has never seemed to help me in the 2 areas I spoke of in the beginning of my post and my doctor said thats because you need someone who specializes!! You can search the internet and see if there is anyone in your area.. I am very sorry that you have to be going through this .. This should be a happy time in your life getting married and down the road maybe wanting a family I think you might need to look into new meds and get this thing somewhat controlled! Kriss
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
In reply to: kpowers3
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 3:18pm

Hi Kristina & welcome!

Sheri Ann