Back Again...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2004
Back Again...
7
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 9:56am

Hello. For those who do not know me, I tend to get anxiety any time I am physically ill or run down. I am very active but try to stay hydrated and eat well because I know I need to. Well, last month, 2 weeks before my period would normally come (it is usually regular and I do not have anxiety with it typically) I felt sick after lunch at work. I figured I ate something bad. Well, on my way to the hockey rink, I started worrying about being anxious. I tried to picture the stop sign in my head but then got some stupid thing in my mind where the stop sign kept blinking and it started to make me panic because I could not stop the stop sign! How annoying! Anyway, I calmed down when I got to the rink and felt weird around people at first but got past it and played and then headed home. I had an appetite again so I ate something and then 2 hours later was puking hard and had all the symptoms - sweating, having to pace the floor, mind racing, all of that. I finally relaxed and watched TV and went to bed. Then for the next 2 days I was a mess with anxiety. I started thinking up crap from the past and trying to make myself think it was resurfacing and that is why I was anxious. I can never just accept that anxiety is something going wrong in my head chemically and leave it alone. I always HAVE to find something to connect it to. That went on for 2 days. I went to the doc and found out I had thrush from my asthma inhaler. I had to drink that nasty stuff to get rid of it. I got better physically over the next couple days and the anxiety vanished. Funny thing is, I had been on 50mg of Zoloft for a year and was ok and then was on 25mg for 6 weeks and was ok and then this hit. I went back up to 50mg during this time but I think the stomach bug or whatever I had was what was causing me to have anxiety because when it went away, I was ok. Oh, my period started a week early during this.

Well, here I am again this month. Had been fine for nearly 3 weeks. Stayed on the 50mg. Overdid it exercising last week and started to feel messed up Sunday. PMS came too and I was feeling extremely low and also anxious. The last few days have been bad. Same symptoms - waking feeling anxious - cannot calm down - nausea, cannot eat, puked some, just feel totally weird. And - my period came at the exact same time again. Maybe it is coincidence but I am looking for a link.

As usual, I am going through all my stupid thoughts - why is this happening, how do I fix it, I feel like a weirdo, I feel numb and that REALLY bothers me when I am around my dogs and husband, feel like I cannot feel anything good like love toward others, thinking of past to try to bring up something to tie it to, you name it. I know it is anxiety but the thoughts (OCD) are killing me. I discussed them all openly with the therapist and when I was talking to her, I felt like I understood that the thoughts are just thoughts and I need to stop trying to blow them up but now I am back in the cycle.

I left a message with the nurse at my doc office about the nausea and lack of appetite because I do not know if that is coming before the anxiety or after and I wonder why this is happening at the same time as it did last month. I also saw a new therapist that I really like. I did not like the last one. We are going to try CBT. Oh and I tried 75mg of Zoloft but it was making me worse so I am back down to 25mg and that seems more right in terms of not making me too keyed up.

Kim

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
In reply to: kml1220
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 10:27am

Wow Kim!

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: kml1220
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 12:07pm
Nice to see you, Kim. Sorry that you are so overwhelmed with the physical side. I can totally relate. It has been playing havoc with my anxiety lately. You are doing all the right things. Seeking help, a med change & considering a return to therapy are all positive steps. Hopefully you will get some answers to reassure you. If you are continuing your normal activities, that is great & a very good sign. Keeping busy distracts us from the anxiety. Good luck & let us know how things are going. (((hugs))) jan




 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2004
In reply to: kml1220
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 2:17pm

Thanks for writing. I am trying to eat but finding it really hard.

I feel so weird. Do you ever have several days where you feel like you are just not you? Like you are not sure how you feel about anything? You can't feel love or hate, you are just kind of there? Things that you feel strongly about are not real clear and you just seem like you are in a fog? I hate this!! I feel weird around everyone. I find myself trying to stay away from people because I feel so weird. It is funny because just the other day I felt like talking people's ears off to keep myself occupied. Now I feel totally strange. What is this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2004
In reply to: kml1220
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 2:35pm
Hi Jan. Thanks for writing. I am so disgusted. I hate the anxiety bad enough but I keep hitting these lows and I keep telling myself it is PMS flaring up with the anxiety. I just feel so weird. I cannot stand to be around anyone at these moments. I feel like a sicko or something. I just feel like I am not me and it is killing me. I did not exercise Mon-Tues-Wed because I needed to rehydrate and I had a cold. I am going to go play hockey with some people tonight but I am afraid to go now. I am not afraid of having an attack, I am just not feeling the urge to go and I am afraid I will feel weird around people still.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
In reply to: kml1220
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 9:16pm

I do have days like that, when my anxiety is really bad. Since starting the Lexapro & xanax together, those days are getting farther apart, thankfully.

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2004
In reply to: kml1220
Fri, 06-23-2006 - 9:12am
Yes! And feeling withdrawn makes me feel even more anxious! I hate constantly "running my radar" to see how I feel and then realizing I feel weird and then getting worked up about feeling weird. What a terrible cycle. I hate it. Very debilitating.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
In reply to: kml1220
Fri, 06-23-2006 - 12:43pm

I'm glad you can relate, but sorry you suffer, too!

Sheri Ann