Fed up with social anxiety

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2003
Fed up with social anxiety
11
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 9:31pm

I am a 29 year old woman with no friends. I have some friends back home that I talk to now and then, but I moved to the city I am in now about 2 years ago and besides my fiance and his best friend, I have no one. It is so embarressing. My fiance has friends but I just can't click with them.
I am attractive, nice and fun, and yet I cannot make new friends. i haven't made a new friend for over 6 years.
Social anxiety disorder is killing me. I am on Lexapro and it isn't doing anything. I went to counseling 3 differnt times, and I had nothing to say. I dont' know why I am afraid of people. I feel like people are repelled by me. I feel like everyone hates me. I am a grown woman and I dont' have a single girlfriend to go out with. I just don't know how to make friends. I've tried takeing a class, and no one talked to me. I tried meeting people online, but I was too afraid to meet them in person. I say hello to my neighbors and they ignore me.
I don't know what I can do. I really want to have people to be close to besides my fiance. I have no trouble with romantic relationships, or with finding a date if I'm single. But no one is interested in being my friend.

I feel alone and like no one understands what I feel. I am frustrated and tired of being this way.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 10:08pm

I'm sorry to hear you are suffering like this.

Sheri Ann

Avatar for cherfer
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2003
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 10:13pm
When is the thursday chat?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 6:33pm

Chat is Tues & Thurs, 9-11 pm est, there is a separate post with the lnk!

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 6:40pm

There is hope for you. Meds & therapy have helped many of us. Here's a good link with some up to date info. Good luck & GBU! (((hugs))) jan


http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-bhpanic&msg=20082.1&ctx=128




 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 7:43pm

I know how you feel. I'm in the same situation as you are. I'm a 30 yr old female, others tell me I've got alot going for me, talented, bubbly, attractive, etc - And yet I can't seem to open myself up to make new friends. I always seem afraid that others will start hating me and backstabbing me, etc. As a consequence, I currently don't have any friends that I see regularly. I have a few friends that live in other cities, but no-one to hang around with and go out with, locally.

I've come along way in dealing with my anxiety - I used to be agoraphobic, but I've successfully overcome this, which is a huge achievement. I've also finally passed my driving test and bought a car, which allows me to get out and about alot more. Currently, my family are the only people I socialise with, but I have a big family and we all get on great and chat alot - Without them, I would probably have nothing. I don't have any problems with romantic relationships, either. I do date guys, and had a serious boyfriend awhile ago, however, I'm not currently seeing anyone.

I'm kinda starting to feel down and depressed over the fact that I find it so hard to socialise with others and allow myself to make friends. I don't have any problems actually chatting with people or knowing what to say to them - I get on quite well with that. My problem is dealing with the anxiety demon in my head that tells me some people hate me, and don't want me around and will do something nasty to me. It probably stems from being bullied at school as a child, and now as an adult, I'm expecting people to do the same thing. I wish I didn't get so anxious about social situations, because that takes all the fun out of it. Although I've overcome my agoraphobia, I still do feel some degree of social phobia, although it's not as bad as it used to be. I'm just wishing that I didn't have to live with this kind of stress and anxiety on a daily basis, cos it sucks, you know? And I'm feeling like, I don't want to have to feel this level of anxiety, all my life, cos that's no fun. It's no way to live. I also don't want to waste my whole life never being able to do the things I want, because of being a prisoner to anxiety.

I guess I'm just feeling a bit down at the moment, because my folks have gone away on vacation with my neice and nephew and I'm missing them. But, I still need to sort these problems out. Ok, rant over! :oP

Blessings,

~Cherise

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2006
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 11:08pm

Hi, I just stumbled accross this site and I am happy I did, hopefully I will be able to join the chat sometime...

I am a 25 years old and have pretty much the same issue, I had a hard time grocery shopping etc unless a family member is with me, no friends, etc . I just got my licence a few months ago which was a great thing, but wasn't able to get myself to go to the store by myself.
I started taking effexor xr and it really helped I started going to the store and taking my daughter(2) to playgroup, I even started a new job!

Then I started getting worried about being addicted to the medication and it started to be something I thought about alot, I gradually stopped taking it, now it seems I'm falling apart again, just went grocery shopping tonight and it was horrible. I think I will start taking effexor again... I mean it would be better to be dependent or addicted to this little pill than being a total mess right? So anyhow to get to the point...maybe you should consider effexor xr, when I was taking it...it made a difference!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 11:43pm

Hi & welcome!

Sheri Ann

Avatar for cherfer
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2003
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 1:08pm
Wow, you sound a lot like me. I always think people hate me. If I go out with my fiance and we talk to alot of people, I'll ask him at the end of the night whether I said or did anything stupid. I was also picked on at school at certain points in my childhood, but I never really made that kind of connection with how I am today. Maybe it does have something to do with it.
How are you dealing with this? Do you take medication or go to therapy? I'm on Lexapro right now, and it doesn't seem to be helping. Therapy definitely doesn't help for me.
Avatar for cherfer
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2003
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 1:09pm
Well I'm taking lexapro right now for exactly one month, not seeing much difference at all, except yesterday I ate lunch by myself and didn't feel self conscious. But that's the only improvement I've noticed so far.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 3:18pm

Hi there,

First of all, you have lots of friends here. You came to the right place.

Social anxiety is a horrible thing, but it is treatable. If the lexapro is not working, you might want to try another kind. There are so many meds out there that are very good at treating your issues. You might not have found the right therapist, or someone whom you feel comfortable with. You obviously are doing something right, or you wouldn't be engaged. It sounds like you are doing all the right things. Maybe try volunteering in your community, church or synagouge. You might try taking a class in a hobby you like to find people with simular interests as you.

You are not alone in feeling the way you do, and I feel for you. It's a scary thing because I deal with it all the time. I always feel like people are mad at me or don't like me. I battle it everyday.

I wish you luck, and I know you will get through this. The best thing to do is be honest with yourself, and know that you are a good person.

Love, JD

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