PTSD anyone?
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| Sun, 07-02-2006 - 11:28am |
Caution this may trigger:
This is hard to admit but this is part of who I am.
I am a survivor of childhood abuse, a survivor of a violent crime and I had a parent who committed suicide. I work in a violent and stressful field…I’ve been through prison riots , hostage situations, fights, fires, floods , and suicides.
I’ve been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I also have dissociative amnesia. ( I have blank memories …like holes in the memories around the childhood abuse and the violent crime)
I feel like I am the queen of anxiety (laughing at myself)
I’m being treated for PTSD and my night terrors (I wake up sitting straight up in bed screaming and terrified twice a week. I wake up with little or no memory of the dream itself) I think I’m finally getting the treatment/ help that I need. I’m working hard to get past all this.
Had a rough night last night. My family was watching a rented movie last night. I had to get up and walk away several times during scenes that had violence and screaming. I went to bed and had very broken sleep. I jumped and startle easily when my hubby moves in bed then I also had several night terrors in one night. I did have one brief flash (memory) of the dream that was repulsive to me.
The problem I’m having with this is…..If I don’t remember parts of my abuse and crime how do I know if my dreams are memories of the crime/abuse coming back or if they are just bad dreams?
Anyone else out there that can relate?
I’m feeling kind of alone in this….

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I am sorry to hear what you are going through. I pray in time that you will be able to get through the pain this has caused you. Always remember that we shouldnt have our pasts control our future! I try to at least tell myself this. I know its easier said then done but its somehting to keep in the back of our minds.
Do you or have you ever tried anything to help you with the sleep issie? I take Ambien.. They have a new Ambien now that when you take it , you will fall asleep and then a few hours later another dose is released in your body to keep you asleep. Its extended release I believe~ It may be worth a try you never know.. When I read about your issues with night terrors the extended release ambien came to my mind. Take Care
Hi & welcome to our caring community.
Sheri Ann
Thanks for the replies:)
I've put off hypnosis in the past...Felt that I was better off if I didnt remember my past. I figured there must be a reason why my mind protected me and left it blank:)
Now I'm open to anything. If it will move me forward in healing...I want to feel and function normally again...what ever normal is :)
I have an appointment on the 11th for hypnosis...I have trust issues to begin with. My therapist gave me a few exercises to work on before our session... I am concentrating on the flicker of a candle flame...the exercise is to bring my concentration fixed into a smaller circle ....kind of like tunnel vision on the flame and block out everything else on the outer perimeter. We plan on working on bits and pieces of my past abuse and violent crime...not all at once.
He also had me read....Hope and help for your nervers....Some of this book is ok ...some of it left me feeling defensive...Anyone elese read this book?
As for sleep medications. It seem the deeper my sleep the more likely I have night terrors...I'm taking a blood pressure med and valume for sleep...(yet still having them)
I've tried Tylenol PM's ..Again the deeper I sleep the more intense the night terror
I'm still willing to do what ever it takes....and I know it will take time as well...
Anyone else on the board tried or have done hypnosis? Just wondering what I'm in for.
Thanks for being here,
I'm thankful for people that can relate and are supportive that we all can heal and get well. Take care all...I'm off to get some sleep:)
Hi! Nice to see you. You are not alone with abuse issues & anxiety. Many of us suffer the same. For me, meds & therapy have helped alot. I have also learned to belly breathe & meditate during stressful periods & when panicking. You might try reading some solutions in our *coping tips & tricks* folder below. There are some ways to help develop better sleep patterns.
As for your memories, I don't know much about that. We have a strong PTSD board on iVillage. You might ask them by clicking on this link:
Hey Kel,
Did you ever get treatment for your PTSD? I also made the same mistake. I did'nt get diagnosed until later on in life..I also put off treatment until now.
ouch!...I hate to hear that mine is worse. I feel odd enough :)
Its bad enough that we all have to find a way to cope and deal with our issues of anxiety, depression or PTSD ect.....
I realize there are many people out there that have survived and lived through worse types of trama than I. I believe most of us are the walking wounded in some way.
I'm excepting that all this wierd and strange behavior is me... and doing what ever I have to do to get better or just learn to cope better.
If I like it or not life has to go on....I want to live it better than what I have been doing.
Hello. I think you are right when you say " I believe most of us are the walking wounded in some way." I did not experience any kind of abuse in my life but have other "demons" to conquer I guess you could say. I had a grandma who preached the hell, fire, and brimstone type stuff to me from a very young age and made me fear many things even still today as well as cause me to have lots of guilt issues over things that I should just forgive myself for and forget about. I used to have really bad dreams about the devil all the time and never realized why until I was older. I do not have those dreams any longer but still have the guilt issues and fears really bad at times. She used to talk about cancer a lot and made me believe any time someone was sick then they must have cancer so still to this day I fear cancer very much. I dream about it and think about it way too much. I am in therapy now too. It does help to try to understand where your fears come from and why you have them but sometimes understanding is not enough to make you feel better.
-Kim
no, i never went to counseling.. I would go now if my insurance would cover it!! Like I said, i had panic attacks before that bank robbery, but it really made it worse.
(((Kel))) I can see how a robbery would affect you horribly.
Sheri Ann
I commend you for your positive attitude!
Sheri Ann
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