I'm talking myself into something here!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
I'm talking myself into something here!
6
Sun, 07-02-2006 - 6:49pm

Hi there,

I am having major panic right now. I think I am talking myself into it. Infact, I know I am. I have convinced myself that my friend does not want to be with me. I am sure of it. I am sure that I have told her way to much about my anxiety, and my issues with my husband, and now she doesn't want to be with me, or be with me and my husband as couples. I am so upset, and the anxiety is overwhelming. I wish I could calm down, but I can't. I wish I didn't care, or didn't think about it, but it won't stop. I feel like someone is sitting on my chest. I want to cry, but these darn meds prevent that from happening. I know this woman is a good friend, and just becasue she couldn't have plans, doesn't mean she doesn't love me anymore. I have given her many options to do something this holiday weekend, and each time she either doesn't answer the question, or she says she is busy. Why do I feel the need to have a "best friend?" I am 36 for gods sake! Ugg, I can't stand myself right now.

Today is also the 1 year anniversary of my dad's death, and my husband could care less.
I asked him if he would go to the cememtary with me one time, and he rolled his eyes and said "it's just not my thing." What an ass.

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to vent. I am pretty much beside myself right now.

Love, JD

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Sun, 07-02-2006 - 8:21pm

Hi Jolie, I'm sorry your Holiday plans aren't shaping up as you had hoped.

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 07-02-2006 - 11:57pm

I'm sorry, JD...I hope you're feeling a little better by now. I can so relate to everything you wrote...I have convinced myself of the same thing many times. And it's such an awful feeling, to think that you've been rejected for being open about your problems.

But guess what? All of the friends I once "knew" had started to think badly of me, and even really dislike me, are still my friends today. I've realized that as hard as it is to believe, I can't really know what other people are thinking (at least if they don't tell me!), and it's my anxiety and depression making me want to believe the worst.

I know this may not help...when I was sure that my friends were purposely avoiding me, I don't think much could have convinced me otherwise. But I just wanted to let you know I can relate, and I hope you feel better soon.

I'm sorry about your dad, too...maybe that added stress of the anniversary has triggered some of your anxiety? I hope you find a nice way to remember him, even if your husband doesn't seem to want to participate.

Hugs,

Rose

Avatar for fhawn
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2006
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 4:09am

Rose hit it right on...

Be aware that aniversarys of events and elevated stress will trigger you. Try to do things to take care of yourself during this time. (hugs)
I'm new to the board....Just a question...Do you have any other family members that are also dealing with your father passing? Can you get together and help each other through this aniversary?

I can relate to telling people about your issues and feeling them withdraw...It's hard for people to relate if they havent experienced the things you are facing and trying to get past. We are all working on our own stuff...We all have had our good and bad days. Some days its hard to turn negative thoughts around to positive. Hang in there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2005
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 9:02am

oh honey, if i were there, i would take you to the cemetary myself.

Check out my blog! A Hesitant Housewife
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 9:40am

Thank you so much. It is so nice to know someone feels or has felt the way i do. It really is such a problem for me. I know it is the anxiety talking, but when I have an episode, I can't talk myself down. I feel so lonely.

Hope you have a wonderful holiday, and thanks again for your support! I realllllly appriciate it.

Love, JD

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2006
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 11:13am
Try not to be so hard on yourself! Others need to except you for who you are whether its in good or bad times. If you were a diabetic or sick with another disease would it be fair for a friend to jugde you? YOu are going through arough time right now with the anniversary of your dads death etc you need support and to be in a positive enviroment. If your friend isnt understanding or supportive she is not a real friend. Unless you think this is more you feeling this way and its just not the case... Sometimes we let our thoughts go wild and think that others are judging us and stuff when really it isnt the case. I would talk to your friend about it. Ask her if its getting to her ( your panic disorder) I would get it all out in the open and either way, I think you may feel a little bit better! Take Care Of Yourself! ~ Kriss~