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| Sat, 07-08-2006 - 9:35am |
Hi everyone,
It's starting again. The panic over friends. I thought for a few days there, I was feeling better. My mind is ruminating and I am feeling so paranoid that these people don' t like me, or they think I am annoying. I definatly have bigger problems to worry about in my life. My husband's business is not doing well, and our money situation is suffering from it.
I don't know why my mind diverts to such nonsense. I try to put it out of my mind, and it just loops back in. I am so lonley, and so scared I am going to be alone. I shouldn't be scared, because I am alone all the time and I am surviving. If anyone came to me with this, I feel I would be able to talk to them rationally, and give good advice. But since it's me, I can't even get myself out of it. The reality of the situation is not present in my brain. UGGGGGGGGGGGG.
I have a birthday party to go to this morning, and I am so nervous because all the girls from my son's preschool are going to be there. It's like I am 12 again, and they are the "popular" group, and I am on the outside looking in, wishing I was a part of it. I think they don't like me or my kids. I can't stand myself. This sucks!!
Thanks for listening.
Love, JD

hi JD, i don't have any great advice, but wanted to let you know that you are not alone...i know all too well how you feel...i find that with myself, i often rumminate over stupid things when there is something real and more painful that i just can't deal with...for example, i am having horrible pregnancy problems, but they are too painful to deal with so i "fixate" on my anxiety to distract myself from this...do you think that rumminating over the friends thing could be because dealing with your "real" problems like a struggling $$ situation and being and feeling alone are too painful? just a thought....i hate the feeling of being alone too btw...
hang in there
heather
I think you are right, and I do not deny that that is what I am doing. I just wish it would stop. I am really beginning to hate myself. I just got back from the birthday party, and I am so upset.
Thanks for the reply. I know you have a lot on your plate, as well. Thanks for taking time to respond.
Lots of love, JD
Hi Jolie, I don't know what I can say that I haven't said before.
Sheri Ann
I know this is going to sound ridiculous, however, I feel like I am just venting. This is a great place for me to come to let my feelings out. I know there is nothing that can be said, but it is just knowing that there are people out there who understand where I am coming from.
It is so hard to read the responses sometimes, because I am not sure what the tone is. It seems like you are starting to get annoyed with my posts, and I hope that is not the case. I know I say the same thing over and over again, but that is what this message board is for, right? A place for me to share my experiences and my own issues. Now I feel like my "cyber" friends don't want to hear my stuff. RIDICULOUS. I know. I know a lot of this is my anxiety talking, somewhat.
I am very honest with my therapist, and we are trying the effexor with the paxil. Just so you know, I save all your posts, and read them over and over for strength.
Thanks for listening.
(((Jolie))) I am not tired of listening to you at all!
Sheri Ann