Ready to give up

Avatar for cherfer
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2003
Ready to give up
12
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 7:12am
Well I had to stop lexapro because it was making me scratch myself until I bled...the doctor says we can try something else. I just feel like nothing is ever going to help me with social anxiety and I will never make new friends. I'm so tired of being lonely. I have my wonderful fiance, but women are just repelled by me. I don't understand how to form relationships with people. Medication hasn't helped, therapy was not helpful and a huge waste of time.
Just not sure what to do anymore. Don't know how much longer I can hide the fact that I dont' have anyone. I'm so ashamed of this.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2003
In reply to: cherfer
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 7:24am
hey hun
you do have someone, your lovely fiance. others might be able to boast social friends but they might be very lonely inside, having not found the one they want to be with forever. You are not alone, you have the most treasured thing in your life. However, I can understand why you want to get over this social anxiety, but it will take time. Try not to expect too muhc of yourself, you are already doing everything you can to try and help yourself - give yourslef credit for that. You just explained yourself realyl well in your email so you can obviulsy communicate with people so please don't be so down. You will get past this, you really will but make small steps. Try saying hi to people in social settings and asking how they are. I am considered quite a confident person but i still can't think of much to talk about with strangers, it is difficult and if your self esteem is low then you will find it even harder, but if you try too hard sometimes it backfires and makes you seem more nervous. I think try not to think on it too much for the time being, you have coped as you are up until now, without others to rely on, and you have your wonderful fiance. take comfort in that, and maybe get them to talk to other people while u stand there and join in when you feel ready. You can do it, you just have to tell yourself you can. take care xxxx
Avatar for cherfer
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2003
In reply to: cherfer
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 7:35am
It's just so depressing. I will be 30 years old next week and have no friends here to celebrate with. This has been going on since for many years so I dont know if I can ever get past this, it just seems to get worse as the years go by. And I really don't have low self esteem. I know I am a good person and fun to be with, but people seem to hate me. I know I'm better than that, but it's really true. Even other people have noticed that people don't like me at first.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: cherfer
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 2:40pm

I had my first panic attack when I was 17. That was 36 years ago. I didn't drive because of fear for 3 years @ one point. I didn't leave the house for nearly 2 years because of agoraphobia. I have had some severe spells. But, when I look back on my life, I had many more good years than bad. I had a career, married, raised 2 dd's. I had & still have a life. Please don't give up so soon. Finding the right med takes time. Therapy can work if you have an open attitude. Also, one size therapist does not fit all.


Have you searched for self help books on overcoming social anxiety? Have you considered joining clubs or organizations to mix with more people & allow yourself to become more comfortable around others? Meds & therapy are tools. Learning new ways to cope with our fears is essential. Everyone who posts to the board is a work in progress. If we can face another day of these anxiety challenges, so can you! You can learn to live with anxiety. Good luck! (((hugs))) jan


PS My best friend is an online friend I met on this board.




 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
In reply to: cherfer
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 3:22pm

You aren't alone, you have your fiance, probably family, etc...

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
In reply to: cherfer
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 3:25pm

"people don't like me at first" tells me that once people get to know you, that they like you :)

Sheri Ann

Avatar for cherfer
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2003
In reply to: cherfer
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 4:17pm
I have seen 3 different therapists, the last one told me I shouldn't come back until I had something to say.
Avatar for cherfer
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2003
In reply to: cherfer
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 4:19pm
I work but the type of work I do, I am not "supposed" to hang out with coworkers. (I'm in HR). I don't go to school and I'm not interested in church. Everyone says "join clubs or groups". I have never in my life met anyone in my age group that was involved in any clubs or groups. I don't think that's a good answer for me, but its the only suggestion people ever have for me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2006
In reply to: cherfer
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 7:06pm

Hi Cherfer,

I'll be your friend. I dont have ANY! my only friends are my mom, my sister and my boyfriend.:) everyone always tells me im such a social person.. I must have a ton of friends... i dont. I did in high school.. but the last 12 years.. not so much

dont be hard on yourself. you are an important and likable person!(just ask your FIANCE!!! congrats on that! thats exciting) I need a friend as well. Im new to anxiety and panic and its really hitting me hard. Know you have a friend right here! you can even email me personally if you want. :)

Avatar for cherfer
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2003
In reply to: cherfer
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 7:12pm

Thanks, I appreciate your friendliness... I know I'm being very negative, just having a hard time right now. you can email me at cher24@hotmail.com and we can complain about our anxieties. :)

Cheryl

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2005
In reply to: cherfer
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 8:27pm

Hi Welcome
I am lynn, boy do I know how feeling lonely and didn't feel like I had any friends and would never have any well believe it or not I too have best friends from the board and feel they are part of my family, you know you sound like a very nice person and stick with us and hope we can be your friends you took the first step, and you know the work give up is just saying you need alittle you time aleast that is the way i see mine, Hang in there and keep in touch.

(((((BIG BIG HUGS)))
Lynn

Pages