I'm scared... Can I have a hug?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
I'm scared... Can I have a hug?
17
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 6:31pm
Hi girls,
So sorry I have been such a stranger, I have been dealing with issues both medical and personal, and didn't feel I could help anyone much.
I am pretty scared today, and my anxiety is back along with those stupid 'feelings of unreality' that I hadn't had for some time, and I don't know what to do.
I don't get much sleep, and have gained so much weight I can't stand myself, my dh has been great with me not working for almost 3 years, but I know he is getting fed up with me. We will be married 10 years in November, if we make it that is!
I have had medical problems all Spring and Summer, which they keep saying was pluerisy, or allergies, asthma, the list goes on...I kept showing the doctors this swollen area under my left breast, and they say it's 'probably just fat' ok.....Well, it isn't getting better, and I have had clear discharge (Which I do get occasionally, and have since a teen-A doctor once told me this is normal is some women???) from my left breast, and now today, there is a area that is all red. I am so scared girls, and have been having a 'feel sorry for myself' couple of days lately. Sometimes it feels as tho my medical problems will never end. I have had kidney and bladder problems, and undiagnosed abdominal pain all my life. (I'm not a hypochonriac, Really I'm not-altho I don't think my dh believes me!) Lol!
Anyways, I am trying to get into a new LADY doctor to see me, I hope it is this week. This just feels creepy and it is kinda spasming too, so of course I am thinking heart problems and breast cancer. I seem to be worrying about death and dying, it scares me so much, I think this comes from me being ill as a child, and one time my mom told me if I didn't have this one surgery I would die...I just am having a hard time, and knew I could come to my family here to vent, and cry a little. Thanks for listening girls, I just needed a shoulder to cry on, and I know what SPIRIT LIFTERS you all are! :0)
I feel so selfish for laying this on you. Please forgive me.
And let me know HOW YOU ARE DOING,K???
I hope you all are well, And that you are healthy, and having HAPPY DAYS!
I will keep you posted and please let me know how you are doing too!
Hugs! shasta

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 2:54pm
Awww, Thanx Jan! I should be taking care of you! Too bad we don't live closer.
I am hanging in there. Did you get my last email message?
How are you? Let me know k?
Love you! shasta
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 3:09pm
Ok! Here's the scoop.
The new doctors' office was just horrible. Out of the probably 50 people there, only 1 lady was nice. It might seem like I am exagerating but I'm not, really!!
The doctor was very unfriendly and condescending. She said this swollen area is a lipoma, and could be removed, but wasn't dangerous. I was reading up on it and I still am unsure about this gals, it hurts, and my breast is more red in one area...She told me that was just how my skin was...whatever! I think I know what my skin looks like normally! But she is sending me to have a mammogram, And she is checkng my prolactin levels, just like you said SherriAnn, I am hoping everything is ok there...So, I still have this lump, which is painful and very creepy. It feels like it is spasming all the time. All this is doing nothing to help my anxiety! Grrr! Oh, and then I STILL have a sinus infection....
I could go on and on about how the grumpy lab lady stabbed me hard with the blood drawing needle, the grumpy nurse, the whole feeling of a rain cloud being over this medical office, and other things, but I won't bore you any longer!
So that is my rant for the day...
And needless to say, my dh (who went with me) was very mad about how they treated me. And we are going to keep looking for a new doc! And after I get my test results back, I am going to complain about how that office treated me. Boy, I was the happiest, bubbly, person there, and I was there to be helped! Thank goodness I took extra ativan! LOL!
So, I don't know when I am going to have this lipoma removed, but I would just like to get it out, and also so I know really for sure what it is...
So, my anxiety about this has not been lifted but I am hanging in there!
Thanx so much for your support, all you girls, You are the best sisters a girl could ever ask for! Have a nice evening! Love, shasta
Avatar for caper2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 5:51pm
I also had been on Paxil. I put some weight on Paxil, I think was about 10lbs. Frankly, I wasn't a fat person before. Now, I am so fat but not overweight. I would like to loss about 30lbs. I wanted to be like I used to be. I used to be only 115lbs.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 6:58pm

I'm still sending you hugs, Shasta!!

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2006
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 7:24pm

Hi Shasta,

I'm sorry you had such a bad visit to the doctor. I think it's good that you'll be filing a complaint when the time is right. It's important that people in any service-type field get that feedback, especially when something is wrong.

One thing that might help settle your nerves, at least a little...

I had a very painful swelling in my breast a few months back (I was recovering from an ear infection at the time so it may have been related to that). Anyway, when I went to my OB/GYN he reassured me that PAIN is usually a GOOD sign as far as something being wrong with your breast. He said that most all cancers of the breast and such _don't_ hurt at all. I know that helped calm me a little in the days before I got my mammogram & the results, so I thought I'd share that with you. (o:

Best of luck (warm thoughts, and prayers) that they can figure out EXACTLY what's wrong and get it fixed in a jiffy once they do!

Sincerely,
~*~ Tangeloper ~*~

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2005
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 8:00pm
Shasta OH MY GOD could it be my doc's office is the same one as yours???
Talk about grumpy irritating jerks!!!!!! BUT MY DOC IS THE BEST!! GO FIGURE!!
Anyway Please get a SECOND OPINION!! I know it is hard enough going to one doc
but she sounds like a jerk!!! How does she know what it is??? WITHOUT A MAM???
duhhhhhhhhh!! People like that I think are disgusting and should be reported!!!
HUGS TO YOU!!!!! Judy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 9:39pm

Here's another hug ;)

Sheri Ann

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