(Mostly) positive update!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
(Mostly) positive update!
6
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 12:07am

Hi...how are you all? I finally took my 8-hour-long board exam today and can drag my head out from behind the books! I don't know how it went really (we won't hear for several weeks)...I think I did OK, but my lack of motivation to study up until "crunch time" (not until a few days ago!) did cause me to lose points on things I could easily have learned. So I have some regret about that, but in general, I'm just glad to have it behind me.

Because that's kind of the other good thing-- now I'm actually starting to look forward to starting rotations on Monday! My schedule ended up so I'm starting with psychiatry, and I've started to think maybe that could be a field I might enjoy-- either child psych or adult. I know it would be ironic, considering my psychiatric problems-- but I think those might actually help a doctor be able to understand patients better if they've been there themselves.

And I think a lot of this is due to the experiences I've had shadowing and assisting the doctor I was talking about earlier. I really can't say enough about him-- beyond being a great doctor, he was so supportive and patient even when I did express my anxieties (which is not really the "professional" thing to do). (I really have to figure out how to thank him in email without sounding too cheesy or over the top).

And I got some guided practice on doing exams, and then did some of the talking and examining myself...and I actually started getting more comfortable with it, after not too many days! No one was more surprised than I was...I truly thought it was a hopeless situation. And it's definitely not perfect or even a long string of good experiences (I was only there a few days a week for a few weeks), but it really gave me some confidence.

So with all that, I have been feeling stronger in general about things...maybe just because I have to, since I start at the hospital on Monday! But whatever the reason, right?

But some not-so-positive things have been creeping up on me...I think I saw some other posts mention worries about medical problems, so I can relate to that. I did just have my first appointment with a rheumatologist, and she agreed that it's not really clear what's going on...so she ordered all the blood tests for a variety of possibilities, and also a chest X-ray because I've been feeling short of breath lately.

And that's the most worrisome for me right now...I thought for so long it was "just" anxiety, and maybe it still is...but it is frightening, feeling that shortness of breath like in anxiety...but thinking it really could be something else. Because it's not even when I'm anxious...I first noticed it when I was walking in the park, totally relaxed. And my heart seems to be racing, even when I'm not too anxious...at the doctor's office, the machine showed it at 105.

Anyway, sorry, too many details. I'm just worried that this could be part of the same disease I was worried about earlier, which could also explain my weight loss and digestive problems, Raynaud's phenomenon (which the rheumatologist did diagnose), etc. The doctor said some of my skin problems weren't exactly what she'd expect to see in that illness...but she's sending the blood tests to see what those say (though they don't pick up all cases by any means, so that leaves me more to worry about!).

OK, wow, I've gone on much longer than expected...guess the lack of human interaction at my test has me rambling now! But I guess I may end up calling tomorrow to see if they can tell me the results of my Xray, even though the doctor told me we'd meet again in a few weeks to discuss all the results...? But waiting is so hard. Hmmm...

Thanks for letting me share the good, and vent too...hope you all are doing well,

Rose

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 12:58pm

Thx for the update, Rose. I think shadowing the dr. was a very good thing. I hope it lessened some of your anxieties & helped get you more comfortable for those many patient exams to come. Good luck on your test results & starting rotation next week. I hope you enjoy psychiatry. I think you will have a special empathy for your patients that your colleagues will lack.


As for the medical end, I hope all works out. This dr. sounds thorough & that is what you need @ this point. Keep in touch. (((hugs))) jan




 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 6:49pm

Rose, it sounds like you really tackled alot since your last post!

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 07-15-2006 - 12:22am

Thanks, Jan. Yes, I do feel surprisingly calmer about patient interactions, although still nervous of course about starting rotations. And I just found out I will have to spend a day as a student in the main hospital, in the suite where I once was hospitalized for depression-- and will have to see all those doctors who saw me as a patient then-- so I'm not looking forward to that too much! (I will mostly avoid that otherwise, fortunately).

I'm trying not to worry too much about the medical stuff, but having trouble. I wonder if this could all just be anxiety causing my shortness of breath, and it's just getting worse with my worrying-- that seems like the most logical cause.

But I'm even worried about going out and running errands this weekend because I seem to get short of breath even walking-- and I was supposed to buy a new mini-fridge because mine died! (very heavy to carry, I'm imagining). I have this pressure in my chest most of the time even sitting, but gets worse at times-- I know that can happen with anxiety, right?

Thanks for listening and always being there for me and my neurotic worries! I hope you are doing OK yourself after your surgery-- how are things going?

Sending hugs back,

Rose

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 07-15-2006 - 12:31am

Thanks so much, Sheri Ann-- yes, I felt like I just had no motivation to do anything for so long, but recently things have seemed to come together. And though I know I still have a lot to work on, it feels good to have made some steps in overcoming the anxiety (and I really wasn't sure that was possible).

It's good to hear about your experience about being an LPN-- I know, a lot of times just having someone be there for me has helped. I hope I can get past my own anxiety enough to be some kind of calming influence too-- I think I actually feel more comfortable around patients who have had problems similar to mine because I can relate to them so easily!

Thanks for all your support and help,

Rose

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Sat, 07-15-2006 - 12:37am

I mentioned my hospitalization for anxiety/depression earlier today. FWIW, Rose, I admitted myself to the unit where I had been charge nurse for many years. I bunked with a former patient. @ the time, I was too sick to care. I have no regrets. I am just as real as anyone there & all of us are subject to illness. We all know that, but going into medical careers, we sometimes forget. Sending PT's your way! Just look @ it for what it is. ONE DAY!


As for the breathing, that tugginess or *ragged* breathing is a hallmark of anxiety. I hope that your tests turn out ok & there's nothing seriously wrong. My *neurotic* thoughts turned to blood clots in the lungs when I had some anxiety spells since my surgery. I felt the tugginess): I did have some setbacks, but that wasn't one of them. Thank God! Thanks so much for asking. I didn't enjoy my adventures on the other side of the desk:)


Here's a little tidbit, Rose. A psychiatrist I used to work with was always making jabs @ my neuroses. I apparently proved my mettle along the way. He told me once I was the smartest neurotic he had ever met. LOL Good luck! (((hugs))) jan




 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Wed, 08-23-2006 - 4:28pm

Hi Rose, just checking in!

Sheri Ann