I'm really scared

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2006
I'm really scared
9
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 9:40am

and I don't know what to do. I hope this is the right board, but if there is another one I should post on please let me know.

Last night I got into a really in depth dicussion with my wife. She told me with great difficulty the following: She can't remember what really happened in her life and what she made up in her mind. She said that after something happened that she didn't like she would think about it and then change it in her mind so it happened the way she wanted it to- so much so that she believes it to be truth. Several times I've questioned her about things she told me differently and asked why she lied about it in the first place, and she seemed very confused and said "I don't know". It makes sense to me now. Its everything from big things to little things and a few very early childhood experiences that were traumatic including witnessing someone's suicide and being sexually molested. She said she has been doing this so long that she can't even remember who she is or why. For example, one story had 4 different versions and they all sounded real to her. She sometimes will space out for hours and cannot be shaken out of it. She'll catch herself talking herself through a past experience in a store and not realize she's talking out loud to herself until so many people stare at her.

I want to help her, but I don't know what is wrong with her. Is it a condition? Also, I'm really afraid b/c she says she doesn't really do this anymore, but what if she's lying to me about serious things? What if she doesn't really love me? Does anyone have any resources to refer me to or know what this sounds like?

Avatar for jukie33
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 10:22am

I am no therapist and can't tell you what is wrong with your wife. I will tell you what you describe is something I do and it's called dissociation. There is a sexual abuse healing board here at ivillage here is the link:


http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/listsf.asp?webtag=iv-bhsexabuse&nav=start


I would suggest that you gently suggest your wife go to therapy with a counselor Trained in PTSD and Dissociation.


For a long time the way I lived worked then one day it didn't work any more. Maybe your wife is at that point. I hope you both find the help you need. My hubby has been a saint when it comes to my issues and his love sees me through a lot of the hard times. It is a long hard journey but it has rewards all along the way.


Sincerely,


Julie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 12:43pm

If you are really scared, I imagine your wife is, too.

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 12:59pm

Hello! Welcome. I hope that by posting your concerns you have found a little relief.


We aren't able to diagnose on this board. Seeking professional help would seem to be in order. Having suffered sexual abuse myself, I know that it is very normal to repress the frightening memories & be in denial for long periods of time. We all would like to whitewash our pasts & tell the story in a more acceptable way.


Here's the link to Families & Mental Illness: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhfamschiz

 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2006
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 2:21pm

Thanks to each one of you for your input. I really appreciate it. Its amazing now that I've read more about dissociation. I'm not a professional, but so many things she described sounded similiar. I'm just wondering....we are in an extreme financial sitaution right now, due to circumstances beyond our control and we are almost living paycheck to paycheck. Do you know if any financial assistance is available for those in need? Do you know if health insurance helps to cover these costs. If we even had a little extra, I would gladly put all of it toward professional help, but we do not have that option available right now.

Again, thank you for your help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 3:52pm
You may want to try you county or city mental health departments. They will usually have low or no coast counseling for those in need of it. If you live in a larger city where there is a major public hospital you can try their mental health and sexual abuse healing services.. They also can provide the assistance you and your wife need.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 6:50pm

For financial aid, contact your local assistance office or even social security if your wife is unable to work. Good luck!


Finding Help





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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2006
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 6:56pm

I know my medical insurance covers mental health visits, inpatient, and outpatiend visits. Not maybe everything needed, but a little. Once your health insurance runs out, or if you don't have that kind of coverage I would definitely call around to different counseling centers and find out which ones have sliding scale fees. Mnay offer reduced fee services for lower income people. When I first went to counseling I found my therapist through the Salvation Army Counseling Center in my area. Later I went to a community health center when my therapist moved her practice. Both places I was able to pay on a sliding scale fee and it was "do-able". I have never gotten help from community/county services, but I know others who have, and also some that are on SSI(SSDI?). Anyway, there are many, many services out there to help people like you and your wife. If you are living in a smaller area, remember there are probably more services in the nearest larger urban areas if you can't find someone close to you that specializes in these things.

I moved a short while ago and when I spoke to my regular family doctor when I started having problems recently most likely due to a sexual assault I suffered 4 years ago. I am very pleased with how knowledgable my doctor was, and the recommendation I received appears to be top-notch.

(BTW, The coverage details for my family's insurance plan regarding mental health is detailed in my benefits book along with drug and alcohol rehabilitation -- they are in the same section, towards the back. I would call your insurance company or check your benefits booklet to see what coverage you may have.)

It is touching to me to read your posts, as your love for your wife is evident, at least to me. Please remember this is not her fault and is how humans react to suffering a tragedy. The other posters here have mentioned some great resources as well. There is a lot of reason for you to have hope, please remember that when the going gets rough. (o:

Prayers and best wishes for you and your wife.

Sincerely,
~*~ Tangeloper ~*~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2006
Fri, 07-21-2006 - 11:42am
Thank you so much. I'm trying to find out what help is available before I bring up the subject again. She felt so much better after she talked to me and said thank you for understanding and not thinking she was crazy. I told her she's not crazy, but was probably a pattern she developed to keep herself feeling safe from the hurtful memories. I know it is not her fault at all, but It still scares me b/c I don't feel that I can trust her to tell me the truth, especially if she doesn't know what the truth is. I would never tell her this, but it really worries me. I have a hard time trusting anyone, and I feel safest when I know the truth and the reality of the situation. This makes me feel secure- even if it is an ugly truth, I MUST know the truth. I don't know why that is so important to me, but it is. This is the only area that I've ever found us to be incompadable in. Again, I would never tell her this, but I've felt really low since she mentioned this to me. Thanks for letting me talk. I will definately be looking into the resources you gave me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Fri, 07-21-2006 - 4:13pm

Your wife is so lucky to have you :)

Sheri Ann