Well, I did it

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2006
Well, I did it
18
Sun, 07-23-2006 - 10:41pm
Well, I went to church today. I've been putting it off for years now because it would trigger an anxiety attack. See, I have done some things in the past that I can't seem to get over and I've always felt unworthy of being in church. I used to love church! Today I went with my family and it was wonderful. I didn't have any anxiety at all. In fact, the pastor spoke of how we are cleansed by God of our past sins. I've always known that, I just couldn't apply it. We went to lunch afterwards and came home for a nap. I woke up anxious (as I always wake up that way since the past 8 weeks). I just don't know how to let go of the guilt. I've been to counseling for it and thought I had it beat. This is the source of my anxiety and depression. GUILT.. Any suggestions???

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2003
Mon, 07-24-2006 - 8:59am

hey candace, i'm glad that you enjoyed yourself at church!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Mon, 07-24-2006 - 11:21am
 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Mon, 07-24-2006 - 3:13pm

I'm curious about one thing, you said you've been to counseling, but how about counseling from your minister/priest/pastor??

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2006
Mon, 07-24-2006 - 3:31pm
Thats a good idea. I will talk to the pastor when we go back in two weeks. I'll be out of town the next 2 weekends.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Mon, 07-24-2006 - 8:39pm
Candace someone once said Judy You are your own worse enemy
well it is true!! GUILT IS AWFUL let it GO!!! WE all make
mistakes and have regrets! OOOOOOOOH YES WE DO! SO let them fly girl!!
I am glad you went to church what a PEACEFUL WAY TO CELEBRATE YOUR LIFE!!
Be your own best friend!!! HUGS! Judy
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2004
Mon, 07-24-2006 - 9:37pm

Hi Candace-Wow, your post really hit me right on. I dont know your source of guilt but I will briefly tell you what has been destroying me. In 1999, my father suffered a massive heart attack in front of me. He was clinically dead and the paramedics resucciated him. ( very traumatic to watch) Great outcome, right? So wrong. He now has brain damage and sits in a state run facility (no insurance) and stares at the walls all day. I should have let him go, I should have told them to not resussitate him. I put him in this home and there he rots. My father was an alcoholic/agrophoic and lived amongst trash, feces, urine and did not have a quality of life at all. So...I have had a tremendous guilt about this and do not feel worthy of god or even praying anymore. I also feel my day will come and I too will have a heart attack and wind up like him.

Im so sorry, I didnt mean to turn this from you to me. When you emphasized Guilt and how to over come it, I sure wish I knew. I can relate so much to you when you said you dont feel worthy of church, I sometimes dont feel worth of anything good in my life for letting him live. Good for you you went to church, thats wonderful. i wish I had the other answer, maybe someone elese does.
Hugs, Many.
Donna

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Tue, 07-25-2006 - 10:31am

I am sorry to hear your story, Donna. That must be so difficult for you. In spite of what you might think, health care workers are stuck in the middle most of the time & must follow regulations. They may NOT have been allowed to follow your instructions even if you had given them.


Also, it seems to me that a Higher Power holds the key to life regardless of what we mortals might think. That's a long time to hold on to the guilt. Others may have told you this, but you were NOT responsible for the outcome here. I hope you find some peace. You are entitled to it. Good luck! (((hugs))) jan





 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2004
Tue, 07-25-2006 - 12:14pm
Thanks, Jan. I know I need serious therapy for it has never stopped haunting me. Candace, I owe you an apology. You posted to get help and support and I jumped in and turned the focus on me and I really did not mean to do that. I just dont talk about that much and I guess I got carried away and Im so very sorry for being selfish. I should have started another post.
How are you feeling today? I hope your feeling well and I hope your very proud of yourself for going to church. What a positive step!
Donna
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2006
Tue, 07-25-2006 - 1:10pm

Its okay Donna. It helps to hear other people struggle with this too. I am feeling pretty anxious every day, but I did just start in increase in meds. I'm trying to be kind to myself. I read on Oprah's website that to start letting go of guilt, have a mantra like "I forgive myself" and say often. Eventually we will believe it. I'm reminding myself that God has already forgiven me, now I've got to let it go myself. I hope you can do the same, Donna.

Candace

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Tue, 07-25-2006 - 1:58pm

(((Donna)))

Sheri Ann

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