Hello....

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2003
Hello....
4
Mon, 07-24-2006 - 3:35pm

I'm not quite sure this is the right board for me. I don't know if what I'm experiencing is anxiety or depression or something else all together. But I guess it doesn't hurt to try right?

For a while now, maybe a year or two, I've been so preocuppied with the little things around me that I can't have a normal day. Like locking the doors. Its a habit of ours to lock the doors when we come inside, or go outside. But throughout the day, I'll check them over and over. I know I locked the doors, but because I can't remember doing it I have to check. And then after I check I'll go do something and can't remember if it was locked the last time I checked. I can remember walking to the door, I can remember looking and checking the locks. But I can't remember if they are locked. Its that plus a hundred other little things that I can't get out of my head. And at night, every noise sounds like someone is breaking in, to me. DH is very good about checking for me, even though he knows its nothing. We have two dogs, both very vocal if anyone messes with a door. I know they would be barking up a storm if anyone was trying to get inside, but I still think its happening. These are the top two problems I'm having. There are way too many to go into detail about without making a book! LOL. I've always worried about things, but it seems like all of a sudden its trippled. Its not the normal new mommy syndrome of being the overprotective mother. Its so much worse. I'm not running after him making sure he doesn't fall down, or being picky on what he eats or things like that. But ever since I had him, I've been all over the place. My entire outlook has changed. For example, I've always been a jeans, t-shirt and tennis shoes kinda girl. Now I feel like a complete slob if I wear what I used to. I want makeup, I want jewelry, I want cute shoes, the whole package. So I don't know if having him threw my already screwed up chemical embalance off kilter or what. I do know that to keep myself from worrying constantly I have to do something that keeps my mind busy. Like play on the net, read or write. Reading and writing used to be my hobbies, now they are something I have to do to get through the day. Because playing with him in the floor isn't stimulating enough. I'm missing out on him being small, and I don't know how to stop.

I've had many episodes of depression, and have had problems with a chemical embalance since I was about 12. Now I haven't been diagnosed, but I've done my research. When I was growing up, depression didn't register on my parents radar of emergencies. If we were very sick or very hurt they'd take me or my two sisters to see a Dr. If we were going to survive, they'd deal with it at home. To me what I'm experiencing sounds like anxiety, but I don't know if its that, some odd type of depression or what.

Does anyone have any advice? I'm tired of feeling this way. I'm tired of feeling like everything is my responsibility only. Its not fare to look at DH and think he's incapable of doing something because he's not me. I can't sleep, and I can't do normal every day activities because of all these thoughts going around in my head. I can't clean the house because it gets me started on a whole new area of worry. I don't go out much because I'm paranoid about the people around me. I'm paranoid about me and my son getting hurt if I take him somewhere without DH. Its not one particular issue, its basically everything (ie appearance, strangers, safety, weather, diseases, etc) is making me worry. Everything is going through my head all day long to the point that I can't follow normal conversations sometimes.

Thanks for listening. At least I finally got it all out to someone other than DH.

Nikki

Nikki

DS, Bailey Scott - 6/3/05

DD, Jocelyn Elizabeth 1/24/09

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: smyles00
Mon, 07-24-2006 - 7:41pm

Hi, Nikki! We're glad to have you here. Some of your door checking sounds like my OCD. It is a chemical imbalance from the info I've read. However, we can't diagnose what ails you;) A medical professional is needed to give you a confirmed diagnosis & rule out any problems such as thyroid or low blood sugar that MIGHT account for what you have experienced.


Excessive worry is our specialty. Many folks in our community can relate to what you have. Even the depression which goes hand in hand with anxiety disorders. Major life changes, loss or illness & that includes the birth of a baby triggers our anxiety. I had my worst spell of panic attacks after the birth of my second dd. There may be some hormones involved too.


Meds & therapy have been proven to be the most successful way of dealing with anxiety issues. You CAN overcome these feelings & get your life back. It will take time & some motivation. When I was finally @ the end of my rope, that's when I sought help. Take a look below @ our *coping tips & tricks* folder. Read back posts of how others have managed to move ahead. Join in our chats. Post anytime with questions or concerns. We care & want you to feel better. Good luck & GBU! (((hugs))) jan





 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
In reply to: smyles00
Tue, 07-25-2006 - 2:58pm

Hi & welcome!

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2003
In reply to: smyles00
Wed, 07-26-2006 - 8:49am

I had ruled out OCD because I don't do things a certain number of times, or have to add all the numbers I see. Thats all I know about it so I never even researched it. I guess I need to huh! I know I need to see a Dr. but I guess after so long of dealing with these issues on my own, I just can't bring myself to do it. Its like I'm embarrassed for one to have to admit all this to someeone. Its a lot easier to write it all down anonymously. Two I'd really really hate to waste money to have someone say its just a phase of being a new parent and it will go away. I hope its all one problem and not a couple. I will check out the OCD board, thanks.

My son is 13 months, his name is Bailey.

Thanks,
Nikki

Nikki

DS, Bailey Scott - 6/3/05

DD, Jocelyn Elizabeth 1/24/09

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: smyles00
Wed, 07-26-2006 - 10:42am

FYI: Alot of people have reported that they were born worriers & recalled anxious thoughts & feelings when younger. That is not a hard & fast rule, but usually when there's a trigger, like childbirth, there has been indicators that anxiety was present before. Also, the worst part of my OCD has been obssessive/intrusive thoughts that I can't shake. I'm not a compulsive cleaner or handwasher or any of the things some folks associate with OCD.


If your thoughts & actions are interfering with your life, IMHO you should have it investigated. You deserve to live well. There's hope, Nikki. As Bailey gets older you will want to take him places & do things. Better to get a handle on things, just in case. Keep in touch. Good luck! (((hugs))) jan