how do I turn it around?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2006
how do I turn it around?
8
Fri, 07-28-2006 - 3:21pm
I've been doing well, only had a couple problems all week long. my problem is when I get in the car, my mind starts rolling IMMEDIATELY! i get scared that im going to lose control. that all of a sudden, i wont be able to do anything. im afraid Ill get tunnel vision, and then I feel like its really starting to happen! im making myself panic. my big attacks have been while I was driving. and it was SO so scary. today, as i was trying to make it back to work, i felt that way.. so I tried to think of anything else..and the first thing is that im so happy with my bf. we're moving on tuesday into a house. THEN every past negative thought came to me. we broke up once, we both needed to get our heads straight, durring that time I went out on a date with someone else, it wasnt all that, and we never went out again. but did kiss. and I now feel this HUGE AMOUNT of GUILT. me and bf have been together two years! everything is WONDERFUL. this guilt is making me SO sad right now. how do I turn it around. my common sense tells me to let it go. i never told him.. and dont really want to, because it means nothing.. but how do i let go of the feeling right now? my anxiety is being fueled by the guilt. I feel like i did something Terrible. while we were broken up.. i didnt know we would come back together..any words of advise? this is just so out of the blue.. i hate it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2003
Fri, 07-28-2006 - 5:50pm

hi there, i just wanted to let you know that we are all here to support you and you are not alone! there was just a post labled "at wits end" i believe that talks about how panic/anxiety are fueled by guilt.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2003
Fri, 07-28-2006 - 5:53pm

oops gave you the wrong title of the past post...here is the link:)


http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-bhpanic&msg=20310.1

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2006
Fri, 07-28-2006 - 6:18pm
Thanks Heather. There were some good ideas.. im going to try writing it down, and destroying it. I tend to think im supposed to be perfect in the eyes of my dd, never to know her momma is hurting or has made poor choices(i was so lost when i was younger, made some really poor ones)Guilt is a biggie. This is still so new to me, its only been a year since my first attack, and only 30 days since the melt down. so im just reaching as hard as i can to improve and be better.. its mind boggling. but im taking steps to correct, started the effexor yesterday ( felt anxious about taking med.. but I started it!)..my therapist says i had alot happen to me that needs to be faced, but i just kept truckin.. pretending it didnt happen. i guess my limit of what i could push off into mental storage finally just got too big. Thank you for your support. Your post on that link was just what I needed to read. Its ok not to be perfect. God already forgave me, and I have to forgive myself. Ill have to write this down for my therapist. :) I didnt know i was feeling guilty before today. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Fri, 07-28-2006 - 6:55pm

I used to think that God was punishing me with the anxiety & panic. That somewhere along the line, I had been the world's worst person or committed the biggest sins. I have learned that isn't so. My faith tells me differently. But, these thoughts still occasionally intrude & I obssess over them. As I have said before, I allow myself a limited time to ruminate, then drop the thoughts & move forward. I also put all the worries, fears, obssessions out to the curb on Thurs. night for waste management to pick up. Some sneak back in): But, I always can put them back out next Thurs. night:)


You are doing all the right things. Great to hear about the effexor. It was one of the best drugs for me. Good luck! Keep on truckin.' That's all any of us can do. (((hugs))) jan





 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Fri, 07-28-2006 - 9:54pm

We all have done things like this, and I know it's hard to put them behind us.

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Fri, 07-28-2006 - 9:55pm

I'm glad you started the med!


Sheri Ann

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Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2006
Mon, 07-31-2006 - 10:35am

Thanks you ladies.. Im feeling better and i think i released some of the guilt. I wrote it all down, ripped it up and threw it in the recycle. my bf is such a wonderful sweet man, i just love him with all my heart. he's been hinting at marriage and my heart just swells with the thought. he's younger than me, but I really believe God put us together. about 5 years ago, i was SO UNHAPPY with me, my marriage, my life.. I prayed for specific things, like to lose weight, to be in an unconditional two way loving relationship..to be able to lean on someone, since that time, I lost 110lbs. I divorced ( It was the only option left, ex was and has just let go of life and is an addict, didnt work in 7 years)and then I met my bf. we both struggled at first with old habits. I want my way.. he wanted his way. Then we realized.. just love eachother. :) We've both changed into different people and its so good!

THank you ladies for listening. Today is a GOOD DAY. GB!

my Funny child: My little girl last night was saying she wanted a counter/clicker ( where you push the button on it and it counts up each time) my friend said.."what would you do with it"?

my little girl said " I'd click it!"

lol

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Mon, 07-31-2006 - 9:58pm

That is tooooo cute :)

Sheri Ann