A little update on me

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2004
A little update on me
8
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 9:37pm

Well, we're down to just a couple of days until dh leaves. Time seems to be dragging by, which is a good thing at this point. I hope that's not still the case when he actually leaves. I'm really focusing on taking things day by day right now, though.

I went to my tdoc today and had what I think was a breakthrough. I've been struggling for a long time to figure out why I have so much anxiety when I'm going to be seperated from dh, because honestly, that's always where the anxiety starts for me. I was talking to the doc about it and she asked if I had by chance been abandoned as a child and my immediate response was no, but then I started having this really weird surreal feeling and I told her I wasn't sure. It was like I had this vague memory of asking someone if my mom was ever going to come back. So I called my older sister and asked her, and she said that yes, when I was 4 my mom left my dad for a while and left all of us kids with him. That's all I know at this point, but it just felt weird to know that I had no recollection of this event. I realize I was young, but our family is very open about stuff and it seems strange that I had no clue about this, although dh says that he knew about it, and he thought I had told him. Very weird to me.

So, long story short, the tdoc thinks that the seperations from dh bring all these other issues to the surface, making it even harder to deal with the present situation. I can see that, because some of the feelings I've been having about him leaving have not really applied to our situation. Like the feeling that he doesn't really love me, etc. I know he does and that he isn't choosing to leave and all of that, but I have been feeling the opposite. It feeds the anxiety and the depression.

Anyway, I think I'm actually starting to make a little progress in understanding myself better. Today, for the first time in a long time, I'm starting to feel hopeful again.

I also went to the pdoc today and got my prescription for Celexa. I filled it this afternoon and will be starting it tomorrow. Please say a prayer for me as far as that's concerned. I'm just hoping that it works the way it's supposed to and that I won't have to keep trying different meds. That's so draining in itself.

I also want to say thank you for the support I've been getting here the past couple of days. I can't tell you how much it has helped to have people who actually understand what it's like to deal with the anxiety affirm that what I'm going through is real and that it can get better. You guys have been a Godsend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 10:24pm

Thank you for the update!

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 11:06pm
You will do fine on the celexa. It's a good med & is being prescribed more often to others on our board. I will send P&PT's to you tomorrow. I know that taking a new med can be scary, but you can do it, Jess. Keep your mind & body occupied when you need to refocus. Let us know how it goes. Good luck & GBU! (((hugs))) jan




 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2004
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 6:45am

Thanks for the words of encouragement. I really do appreciate it. Especially about the medication. I took it this morning and I started freaking out about taking it, but I was able to talk myself down.

As for my impending seperation. It's going to be for a year. My dh is being deployed to Iraq. I still don't think the full reality has set in, but I'm hopeful that with the meds and therapy I'll be able to handle it when it does.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2003
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 9:24am
I'm glad to hear that things are starting to turn around for you:) thanks for the update

Image hosting by Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2005
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 11:22am
Jess I can so relate to this memory! The mind is amazing
to me! We don't remember everything that happened to us as
kids and suddenly something happens that triggers FEAR!!
Then we find the source and realize why we feel the way we do!!
Poor little child- you- must have been so afraid!! My heart
goes out to you as you feel these fears again!!! Keep in mind
as my DOC says that was then THIS IS NOW!! I repeat this so often
as I go through my day! I wish you Peace! Judy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 12:10pm

My friends' dh is going to Iraq in February for 1 year.

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2004
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 7:39pm

Dh is in the active duty Army. He's been in for going on six years now. This is our third deployment in a little over three years. Thankfully the first one was only for three months. The second for 10 months and this one for 12 months.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 11:23pm

The deployments are rough :(

Sheri Ann