Hi 8-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2005
Hi 8-)
7
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 7:56pm

Hi everyone, My name is Melissa and I CL on two other boards here 8-) I came here because I've been dealing with anxiety on and off since I was a teenager.(Im 26 now) Im not on any MEDS, because I choose not to be....my anxiety can GET bad but it's not always bad....in fact sometimes months go by where my anxiety level's are around a 2 or 3.(10 being the highest) At one time in my life I was on Meds...I was about 19 or 20 and took med's for a short period of time, stopped taking them because I didn't like the way they made me feel. I've been kind of stressed out lately and dealing with some anxiety. It was VERY bad before I left for Vacation (my first vac. since I was 12 years old) but while I was in FLA on Vacation I was fine more or less....I know travel does cause anxiety for a lot of people. I pretty much know what triggers my anxiety. I also tend to WORRY a lot, mostly about my own health and loved ones...and also about bad things happening to people I love.(car accidents, ect) By current situation Im really worried about is my leg....while in FLA I bumped it and noticed a bruise. When I came home last week (On Monday) I didn't pay any mind to it but around Friday I noticed a lump around the bruise.......all weekend I iqnored it and tried not to let it worry me and Monday night I started to panic.....I started pressing it and pushing on it......I woke up Tuesday to a nasty circle bruise all around it...my Dad said because the lump is blood under the skin and I pushed on it causing it too bruise even more.He's not a DR but I guess it makes sense.......its slightly painful but not overly...Im sure it's just from the injury in FLA (which I dont remember doing...but ive had plenty of brusies I never remember getting!!!) and the fact that there's bruises should TELL ME it's an injury but instead Im so worried and thinking cancer....My Dad knows how I am and KEEPS trying to reassure me....he told me today it feels smaller and looks better but I sit here thinking it looks worse.......my Co worker who has kids said she's seen bruises with lumps like mine on her son before....but nOTHING seems to reassure me....big SIGH!!!! I forget about it for maybe a few minutes here and there and then I find myself worrying about it ALL DAY LONG!!!! I KNOW it's my anxiety playing a large roll, a normal person would KNOW it was nothing serious.......


Well what an introduction.....I hope Im welcome here 8-) and I hope to share my stories and meet some new friends.....and even share my experiences!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2003
In reply to: cl_write2lissa79
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 9:54pm

hi melissa ann- welcome to the board! there's a great community of women here:) as far as the leg thing goes, i'm sure nothing i say will change your worry, but have you gone to a doc....maybe hearing from a doc it's just a bruise would help? i've had bruises with huge lumps in them before...


my opinion, i find with myself when i am obsessing about something like my health or my anxiety (which i do often) its cause there is something more serious/scary going on in my life that i don't want to deal with or feel like i can't deal with so i distract myself with an obsessive thought that is illogical.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2004
In reply to: cl_write2lissa79
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 10:32pm

Welcome to the board! I'm somewhat of a newbie myself, and can relate to your intro in a lot of ways. I think that Heather may be on to something about there being something else going on with you to cause such a flare up of the anxiety over a bruised leg. Are you particularly stressed or hormonal at the moment? I don't think there'd be any harm in seeing the doc to have it checked out if it'll make you feel better. Take care and keep posting! The ladies here are incredibly supportive and are full of insight and compassion.

Jess

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
In reply to: cl_write2lissa79
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 11:00pm

Hi Melissa & welcome!

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: cl_write2lissa79
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 11:46am

Hello & welcome to our caring community. You are NOT alone. Most of us with anxiety suffer from *what if* thinking. It is difficult to control @ times, but you can do it. I have an understanding dr. who will see me & give reassurance without judging me. If I can't keep any sort of illness in perspective, I can count on him to get me back into balance. I used to get angry with myself when I would make a mountain out of a molehill, but have learned to be kind to myself & more forgiving.


Please join us in chat

 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2005
In reply to: cl_write2lissa79
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 6:05pm

Thanks for writing back everyone!!! Well I don't have insurance so I can't just go to a DR, when Im REALLY sick I go to the ER.....and Ive got bills showing up in my mailbox left and right. Im a Preschool Teacher and we don't make much.......the insurance at my job costs WAY too much money, that's why I don't have any. If I did have a DR I might go for a piece of mind but I also have a FEAR of DR's........yes I know 8-( I have a few fears.....Doctors, Driving and social anxiety.I know Im a mess..........I can remember being like 13 years old and having a BIG knot in im leg and a bruise from getting hurt and doing the SAME thing......I've always been what some people call a Hypercondriact. But I know it's anxiety that causes me to think the worst......the lump is still there along with the bruise.......its not any bigger and Ive TRIED hard today not to touch it and poke at it, but of course I still did here and there. It's just a LUMP by a bruise I keep reminding myself.....I have minutes where I feel positive it's just from the bruise and minutes where I convince myself Im dying........the other day I actually tried to poke it with a needle because I wanted to pop it.......of course it's not going to Pop and go away but I just wanted it to be GONE and felt like I had to do something to get it away. I know Ive done this in the past with other health issues.......but a lump always worries me.....and its so scarey.


I guess you can say I have some Stress going on....but less now then I did a month or so ago......for right now everything seems pretty normal...work is ok, not too much drama like there sometimes is. Things with my Boyfriend and I are great as they always are, and things at home and fine........but I find that's when sometimes anxiety levels get worse. It's like my mind gets bored and needs something to focus on.......I TRY to keep busy and then I start thinking again and I start to worry like crazy.......last night I was in tears.......Thanks so MUCH everyone for listening and Im going to keep posting!!! I have to remember to take my CL name off when posting, sorry about that!!!!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: cl_write2lissa79
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 11:00pm

Pleeeze! No poking! Oh, Melissa, that could cause a serious infection. No matter how careful you are. In this day & age there are infections you could get that have no cure):


Are there any free clinics nearby? What about calling your local assistance office? They can give you health insurance info you may be eligible for or doctors that may give reduced price care or a sliding fee based on your ability to pay. Let us know how it goes. Good luck! (((hugs))) jan





 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2004
In reply to: cl_write2lissa79
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 5:56pm
There isn't......the cheapest thing we have is clinic's that charge about 75.00 to 100.00 a visit. My Dad SWEARS its just from the bruise and it WILL go away in time........it has to heal....part of me believes him and Ive done some on-line research and found that it's common, especially with leg injuries but of course the anxiety part of me likes to think TOO much and start to worry.....Im going to try HARD this weekend NOT to worry........very HARD!!! I guess if I didn't bruise the nearby area it would really be cause for concern but since I did bruise the area (right on top my lower leg bone, the one in the center, and the knot is right above it) Im sure it's related to that......I need to STOP being so negitive....