barely hanging in here

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
barely hanging in here
7
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 9:18am

I did want to pop in and say thank you for the words of support about me not getting the job. I also found out this week that a childhood friend of mine was murdered last weekend by her boyfriend. We hadn't seen each other in close to 15 years probably, and I am just stunned. I can't really take it all in. I feel horribly guilty that the news of her murder didn't make me cry, but learning I didn't get this job had tears pouring down my face to the point where I had to leave work early (yes, I did get to go home and thank God for that). And this morning the resident witch in our office freaking yelled at me.


I have a session later on this morning, which I guess is a good thing since I am so rattled right now. But I also dread having to talk about not getting the job because I know I'll start crying again and I haven't cried since Tuesday and I absolutely hate crying, especially in a session.


I am here at my desk, but not here. Can't concentrate or focus on anything. And my performance review is next week.


Laura

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 12:10pm
(((Laura)))
 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2003
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 12:38pm
i'm sorry you are having to deal with all this stress....give yourself permission to be upset, its normal and okay...hang in there and let us know how you are doing

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 3:08pm

(((Laura)))

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 3:34pm

I was actually kind of surprised that we didn't talk more in the session about the job. I don't know if it happens to you guys, but sometimes I'm surprised at the turns our conversations go. I guess that's the point, though, for her to draw things out of me. Or maybe she sensed I didn't want to talk about it much. We talked for awhile about Amanda's murder, and she said that everyone reacts differently to things and that I shouldn't beat myself up for my reaction. It's okay to be stunned and shocked that someone I knew 15-20 years ago was murdered and to not have the same kind of agonizing reaction I did to not getting a job I would have absolutely loved. I felt guilty and selfish for being more upset over the job than Amanda. At the end, I did end up saying that I had dreaded coming in there today and having to say what happened with the job.


I swear I could have stayed in there about 3 hours today. One hour was definitely not enough time to get through all the crap I have going on in my life this week.


This is good--a song I love that has always been able to make me feel better just came up on my playlist ("How Fair This Place" by Sarah Brightman).


I'm still upset about the witch yelling at me this morning. Naturally, she's the boss's pet. I shouldn't be surprised because she treats everyone (except the boss, obviously) like servants, but I had never been actually yelled at by her before. I just wanna go home, and I can't leave until 6.


Laura

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 9:24am

Hi Laura, just checking in on you!

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 12:50pm

Hey, Sheri. I'm just super, LOL. My performance review is this afternoon. I've got Klonopin in my bag, just in case. I'm going to try and get by without it. Mood wise, I've been really low. I need to bring that up on Thursday. As much as I dislike the thought of more medication, I think I'm at the point where I need it.


Laura

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 3:32pm

Laura, if you need the extra medication now, that's okay.

Sheri Ann