What would you do in this situation?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
What would you do in this situation?
9
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 12:58pm

I'm looking for opinions here. Obviously, I am in this situation right now. Here it is:


--There is a relative you don't like who will be having an out-of-state wedding and you are invited.


--While your travel/hotel expenses will be paid for, you will need to buy a formal dress, shoes, accessories, etc.


--You won't know anyone there except your parents, the bride, the bride's sister, and the bride's parents.


--Not going would make all of the above relatives mad at you and would incite massive guilt trips from your parents.


--Going to this wedding would make you extrememly edgy, depressed, and feeling inadequate as in: "You're still single? Don't worry--you'll find *someone*!"


--However, if you go, you have your bottle of Klonopin and/or the open bar at the reception to help you through.


Knowing all of the above facts, would you:


a) go to the wedding and make the best of it


b) not go to the wedding but send a very nice gift instead


c) other


~ Laura ~

Mad Men siggie



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 3:12pm

Laura, I would not go.

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2003
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 7:15pm
i wouldn't go either...let us know what you decide:)

Image hosting by Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 8:46pm
I would definitely not go.

Jennifer

"Oh, that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evi

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-23-2006 - 11:25am

You know what is interesting to me is that I posed this question an another board I'm on, and most of the people there also said I shouldn't go. I don't know why I'm obsessed with it now anyway; the wedding isn't for a long time. But I also know how my family operates, and I have to admit that I'm scared to refuse to go. My parents will rake me over the coals for this (it's my dad's side of the family). My parents were visiting these relatives last weekend (my mom hates them, but she went out of support for my dad), and she and I talked on the phone and the subject of the wedding came up and to test the waters I made a joke about not going, and she said "You ARE going" in a very flat voice.


I am 27 years old, for crying out loud! I'll be 28 by the time the wedding rolls around. I really, really, really do not want to go to this, but I can see the handwriting on the wall. I will be branded a villain by the entire family. I have pretty much done everything my parents have asked me all of my life and never defied them. And they know that. They are very controlling (I'm an only child, so that doesn't help matters either). I get that this isn't some distant relative or anything, but come on. I am an adult and should be capable of making my own choices. Is it really so unforgiveable to skip an out-of-town wedding where I won't feel welcome?

Mad Men siggie



iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Wed, 08-23-2006 - 12:16pm

You ARE right; you are an adult capable of making your own decisions.

Jennifer

"Oh, that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evi

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-23-2006 - 12:31pm

Thanks, Jennifer. I've been seeing a therapist for awhile now, and--shocker!--one of the things we talk a lot about is my dealings with my parents and how controlling my mom is. I am better than I used to be, but I still have a long ways to go when it comes to them. Before, it probably would not have even occurred to me that I could skip the wedding. I'm sure I'll end up talking to my therapist about this. It probably would be a good idea to bring it up in advance of when I'll have to RSVP so that I can prepare myself for the coal raking I'll get.


Laura

Mad Men siggie



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Wed, 08-23-2006 - 3:46pm

Laura, I think you know what the *right* answer is.

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Wed, 08-23-2006 - 4:10pm
a) go to the wedding and make the best of it
Its an open bar... any problems that do arise, can easily be taken care of!! LOL Just kidding. I have been in this situation twice. Once I went, it sucked, but I got over it. 2nd time I didnt go, and I still have relatives mad at me to this day about it. Its definetly not worth it to not go!!
Kindra
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2006
Wed, 08-23-2006 - 11:04pm
Hello- Well what would happen if you didn't go? I have to deal with these kind of choices every day. It almost drives me crazy. Should I or shouldn't I. Well I have Experience in this situation. I made up every excuse not to go to a party. I even faked being sick, which I did often just to avoid, well, humiliation. I was so afraid that I would say something stupid, like I always do, then no one will think I'm ok to talk to then I will be all alone, so why go if I am just going to be made fun of and joked at all night, so I didn't go. After words I felt so depressed and unliked ya know why? I let my bad self esteem get the best of me. So I kept searching for reasons why I am like this. I found out that I'm not alone. Ya know those people that I talk to and make a fool of myself? They also thought that they made a fool of themselves and that I didn't like them. I found that if I just mustered up the courage to talk to someone and paid attention to what they were saying and not what I was going to say, then I had delightful conversations with delightful people. I say go to the wedding for your self esteem's sake. Make it a "project of human behavior". See what will happen if you just say hi to someone. You will not be confortable at first but if you smile it is hard for anyone to give you attitude. Think Positively while you are speaking with someone. Remember if they do give you attitude then it is their problem.