ever feel this way?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2006
ever feel this way?
7
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 10:18pm
Ok so today has been a hard day I am so happy that I have found this because already some have you have answered me and made me feel better. Thank you so much. I have been very anxious today worried about taking celexa and the side effects like psychosis amnesia suicide ect. It took all my might to get focus to play with my son and leave the house to go out to eat for my uncles birthday and the whole time I felt on the verge of panic. I have been crying all day. Which I did start my period today so maybe thats why. Do any of you feel it worse when it comes to that time of the month? And I was also wondering if anyone experiences vision problems when they have their panic attacks light seeing stars here or there or feels like your eyes are shakey or out of the corner of your eye it seems like something shifts or moves but nothing does or overall trouble focusing? I am going to see a psychiatrist tomorrow and I hope that he will help me find ways to deal with days like today I just want my life back. I don't think I am depressed. But I have been crying lately just because it feels the the anxiety is never gonna end. I have been threw this twice before and always gotten over it but this time it seems worse. I am a really happy person I love my life and my son more then this world and my family. But I just feel so terrifyied all the time. Has anyone else felt this way?
Alissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2004
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 10:33pm

Actually I was going to write my own post but you pretty much summed up my feelings too. I too am always terrified.

It basically boils down to this whole "adult" thing.

I just feel so indescribably scared about day to day life. For example, I got up this morning just so scared to go to work. Why? Because I can't handle the 9-5, 5 days a week until I retire concept.

Which then makes me panic more thinking, "well if my man could only support me to give me a break."

Which then leads to bitter and resentment to the point of perhaps I should just divorce,

Which then leads to, "yea but then being single means I HAVE TO work because there's no back up system there."'

Which then leads to, "oh my GOD I just can't function now....how will we ever retire? We have no savings..these bills, etc."

Which then leads to, "maybe I should just go back on meds. Oh my god I don't want to because for me they don't work, etc."

Which then leads to supreme fear of, "maybe I should get the guts and just end it asap."

See what I mean? It's like one small thought/panic turns into a huge racing snowball down this hill that is unstoppable.

As for meds, I'm not bad-mouthing them. I used to write pharma ads. I also have been diagnosed (long ago) with major depression. But for me, it feels that after I got off of these meds I developed this anxiety/panic---perhaps it's even bipolar???

I tried Celexia--didn't do much except curb sex; serzone--helloooooo dizzy/coordination spells then it was pulled off the market for liver damage/death; then it was wellbutrin sr--did ok for 6 months then after a while I totally felt like I had zero emotions--not sad, not happy, not anything so I got off of them.

Again, meds work for a lot of people. But me being so close to the meds (writing about them, dealing with pharma companies, FDA, docs, etc. AND being a silent patient myself), I just don't believe the "take it and life will be great" notion that is pushed down people's throats (and yes, I was that pusher because that is the direction of marketing).

I'm just absolutely desperate for some relief/cure. I don't know what it is. Did talk therapy and it did help me with my family issues of the past (PTSD, abuse, etc.) but now it's all about life and I stopped going 3 years ago because it was bugging me to go there for an hour out of my life just to complain (or feel like complaining).

I honestly don't know what to do because I feel like I ran out of all options. Most just say "oh this is life--it's never perfect." I understand life is a roller coaster. The issue is how do I manage this rollercoaster??? How do I not wake up in a panic/anxiety/irrational worries and focus on not letting my fears happen (not having enough for retirement, etc.).

I mean, I'm 34 years old. I just CANNOT imagine going on through life like this until say 60s, 70s, etc. Then I just worry that one day I'll just go completely insane and get locked up.

Sorry to get winded. Just wanted to answer your question. The short of it is, yes I do feel the way you do.

I just am absolutely desperate for some help/cure.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2003
Wed, 08-23-2006 - 11:32am

yes, i can totally relate to how you feel.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Wed, 08-23-2006 - 12:24pm

What you are experience is so normal with panic attacks and anxiety.

Jennifer

"Oh, that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evi

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Wed, 08-23-2006 - 3:54pm

Alissa, I have felt all the things you do.

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2005
Wed, 08-23-2006 - 7:47pm
I suffered with panic and anxiety from the time I was little until
the medical doctors discovered the illness! I suffered for 40+ years!!
FOR NO REASON Except it was not a known illness- I was diagnosed with
so many other conditons and nothing helped!! DO YOURSELF A FAVOR
and take the medicine!!! I have had 20 years of feeling "normal" I was
housebound for a year just before my diagnosis I was scared to take meds
I finally decided if I don't like how I feel I can stop them!! I HAVE NOT!
I also go to a therapist who is a licensed hypnotist it is WONDERFUL!!!
I am able to actually relax unthought of before this even with meds!!
Soooooooo I suggest you try the meds don't suffer as I did for so long!!
Good LUCK to you!! Judy
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2004
Wed, 08-23-2006 - 11:18pm

You're definately not alone! I also have a harder time with the anxiety when it's that time of the month. I also get incredibly emotional around that time too, which is usually where my anxiety starts.

Talk therapy didn't do anything for me, when it came to the anxiety. I really didn't see any improvement until I started cognitive/behavioral therapy. Knowing that something from my past is affecting me now and knowing what to do about it are two different things. That's basically the difference between the two kinds of therapy.

I also worry about going crazy. I think it's a pretty common thought when you're dealing with anxiety and panic. I still struggle with this one on occassion, but most times I'm able to recognize that having a mood disorder and being psychotic are two very different things. I think the fear of going crazy has more to do with a fear of losing control or not being able to cope. For me, anyway.

Good luck finding the help you need! And keep us posted on how you're doing! (((Hugs)))

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 4:05pm

It sounds as though you are very down on yourself and life in general.

Sheri Ann