My poem/thoughts

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
My poem/thoughts
1
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 2:53pm

I just want to say thanks for having a place like this wher i can express myself. I love the written word. It has some strange hold upon me....................

I am tired. I am tired of being overweight and fat. I am tired of being broke of having a roommate. I am tired of being single and traveling my road alone. I am tired of complaining. I am tired of missing meetings and field service. I am tired of not studying and falling short of the person I know I can be. I am tired of getting up every day alone and going to work.

I am tired of happiness being just beyond my grasp. My fingers graze it, my body stretches for it, but I cannot grab hold of it. I am tired of not having a person, a mate, a partner to tell my dreams and fears. My hopes and fantasies. I am tired of being tired. I am tired of sadness, despair and hopelessness. Of hate and death. Of greed and selfishness. Of injustice and false hope, wrapped up in gold paper. I am simply tired.

I am tired of hating myself and depending on a drug. I am tired of thinking I’m ugly and scarred beyond love. I am tired of criticisms and negativity. I am tired of my warring with my own mind. I am tired of being perched on the cliffs of jubilation and wretchedness.
I am tired of my own frustrated expectations. The plans that fall by the wayside like dandelion fluff. The masterpieces that turn to doodles when exposed to light. I am tired of the words, deep as the ocean, that out number the stars. I am tired of the trap that restrains them when I try to speak.

Tired of the pain in my chest and the chaos in my brain. The stabs in my stomach and the pressure of escape when the doors won’t open. I am tired of wishing and hoping and wanting. Tired of if’s and if only’s. Tired of ‘I coulda been and why didn’t I’. Tired of ‘why cant I and how come other’s can. Tired of being a burden and a breath of fresh air. I am tired of pretending the mask I wear is real. Wondering when those called friends will lift the veil and run in horror. I am fatigued, enfeelbeled, exhausted, damaged. A wilted lotus languishing in the pit. I am simply tired.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2003
In reply to: irulane
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 5:40pm

well said, sad, but i know all to well how you feel...i feel that way too.....


thanks for sharing

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting