need to vent about *T* session
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| Fri, 08-25-2006 - 5:08pm |
I don't really know how I feel about this. Not angry. Frustrated, maybe? Misunderstood, perhaps. I went into my session yesterday ready to talk about how bad I was feeling--I mean really down in the dumps depressed, not to mention exhausted from not being able to sleep. At first, the discussion went okay. *T* was very sympathetic, concerned, etc. But then somehow the tone of the session changed and I felt like she was saying it's my fault I'm depressed. Maybe that is a little harsh. I think what she was getting at is that unless I make some changes in my life, I will not get better. And while I can see the validity in that, yesterday was not a good idea for me to hear that. What I keep trying to tell her is that I am so depressed right now that the thought of making any life changes--even if I know they would make me feel better--is too overwhelming right now. Feeling the way I do right now, I am not in a position to socialize and make more friends (my limited social life is one of the things I need to work on). She keeps telling me that I have to just do it, or else I won't improve. So we're at an impasse. It's not that I disagree--it's just that I know myself enough to know that I need to feel a little better before I start making major changes in my life because change itself is a major stressor for me. I can't take on any added stress right now. I don't think she gets that.
I also told her about my worsening insomnia and in addition to taking my Ambien a couple of times a week (I had been scared to take it much), she wanted me to try relaxation exercises before bed. Now, I know a lot of people here do them, but honestly I don't believe in all of that. I just don't. I wouldn't be able to take it seriously. And I told her so, and that's when things kind of turned south for me the rest of the session. Not every thing works for every person. If I'm not comfortable with something, I don't think I should be told I'm wrong to feel that way
I just think that my depression is more complicated than "do nice things for yourself and you'll feel better." Not that that is what she said. I'm simplifying it a bit. I think it's mostly due to screwed up brain chemistry--depression runs in both sides of my family. Me going out and socializing once a week is not going to cure me. I said so, and then she asked me if I wanted to get better and suggested that maybe I don't want to get better. What is that about? As I'm typing this, I guess I'm more upset about it than I thought since I meant for this to be a short post. Now I'm not sure what to say next week since things kind of ended heavily.
Laura


My pdoc talks to me the same way.
Sheri Ann
hi laura...i completely understand why you would be upset...therapy can be upsetting and challenging at times...i'm sure she is just trying to help, but sometimes they just don't get it...i'm sorry you had such a hard session, i often have those too, but i just keep going and trying hoping that they will help sometime...
let us know how it goes