Hi!! I am new here....

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2006
Hi!! I am new here....
11
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 10:03pm
Hi!! I am new here. I have suffered with anxiety and panic attacks for as long as I can remember. I have been fighting taking meds. for a long time. I started Paxcil today and I feel horrible. I have spent most of the day in bed. I have very little support. I do have my hubby, but he works 10 to 11 hours a day. My best friend just lost her father yesterday. So she is dealing with her grief. I have had her girls for the last three weeks. They went home today. I feel so lost and scared. After I took my medicine this morning all I coud do is cry. I feel like such a failure. I have gone so long without taking any kind of meds. The attacks are getting worse as I get older. What is up with that? My doc. told me that is normal. My two girls have to see me go through all of this and it just breaks my heart.. They are so wonderful. They are there to give me a hug and kiss when I feel bad. But they shouldn't have too. They are only 9 and 3(4on Sept. 3). I can't drive very far from home because I think I am going to die and kill everyone in the car. I hate that. When I was younger I could hop in the car all by myself and take off anywhere. No matter how far. Sometimes now I can barely go two blocks. I just wish this would all go away.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 11:15pm

Hi & welcome!!

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2003
Sat, 08-26-2006 - 11:11am

hi....i can totally relate to how you are feeling:( anxiety sucks:( i have taken paxil for almost 10 years and it has worked for me up until recently...there is NO shame in needing the help of meds...it DOESN"T mean your a failure....


besides taking meds are you getting any therapy? or doing relaxation stuff? the meds can only do so much, then we need to pick up the slack...


don't get me wrong, i haven't quit figured out how to pick up my own slack, but its not for lack of trying..


i have a 21 month old son, and i too feel really bad when he is around me when i am crying, he just looks at me so confused...i just pray he doesn't get this horrible horrible anxiety...


please feel free to vent and post as often as you need, we're here to support you and each other...we all can relate to how you feel

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2006
Sat, 08-26-2006 - 5:09pm

I also know how you feel! You are *not* alone although anxiety has a way of making you feel that way.

I have taken meds for several years now and it has really helped me. It can be a very hard decision to take meds but when you find the right one for you it can be life-changing. I used to have panic attacks daily but now it's only every now and then. My quality of sleep is so much better too. Like the pp said you do have to give these meds 4-6 weeks to notice full effect. And sometimes too those effects are subtle at first but the you'll realize one day that you are feeling better.

Try and focus on your sweet girls and the fact that you're doing this for them. I have a 9 month old and I too feel guilty when he sees me anxious and scared. But he also is the motivation I need to work on getting better every day.

Anxiety and panic are horrible but can be treated. You will get better, just take it one day at a time, esp. with the new med.

Just know you're in good company! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2006
Sat, 08-26-2006 - 11:38pm
I agree that you are not alone. I started meds about 6 weeks ago. Side effects are awful but worth it. I have had terrible anxiety just from the side effects but it will get better. I think you should try to get lots of sleep at night while going through this medicine adjustment. I notice that when I don't get enough sleep I feel worse all day -like I am dying. I took a lot of xanax in the beginning when I was adjusting to the side affects and still take it as needed. Also, I remind myself when I am about to panic that I have had panic for along time and nothing bad has actually ever happened. I have never fainted- it is not possible I guess because your heart is beating too fast to faint. It really is so hard for me to accept taking medicine too but then I talked to family members who revealed they had panic attacks before so now I am convinced that is in genetic??? I actually waited 2 weeks to take my med because I felt like a failure. I gave in of course and feel much better but I feel I cannot tell everyone because I am afraid people who do not understand will judge me and think I am crazy. I have heard some pretty ignorant comments from others who have never suffered through this.. It sucks to be ashamed of yourself but it does get a lot better and you will feel more in control soon! I just tell myself I am taking the meds for my kids sake because there is no way I can be a great parent when I am suffering so much. Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2006
Sun, 08-27-2006 - 7:52am
i felt like i was reading something i had wrote myself.i have had this for 10 years now and it seems like every 3 years i bottom out.i have 2 girls also-10 and 14 -its getting harder to hide it form them now.i havne't been able to be alone since this started a couple of weeks ago-i have presciptions for zoloft and xanax but am terrified to take either.my husband i s usually gone all the time working but he has been able take time off for me (he works for himself) or i hang out at my moms-great huh? my girls are used to me being alone with them and doing everyhting them -i am at their schools all the time.so now my 14 year old says-why cant you be alone with us?it breaks my heart but i dont want them to see me as anything else as supermom.i feel like everyday i am losing their respect.are you afraid to be alone also? i worry that i am passing this along to them and not showing them how to deal with itbecause i am hiding. i can't believe how much this changes your life so fast- i gues thats because the fear is running the show.take care and i will be here if you need to talk
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2006
Sun, 08-27-2006 - 9:03pm
I read your post and want to tell you that I was so scared to start my Effexor (which by the way has way more side effects than Zoloft) that I went to my Docs office and took it there and sat in the waiting room for an hour. WHY? because I was so afraid that I would have an allergic reaction or freak out or whatever. I was fine and actually felt better after 4 days. Also, don't be afraid to take tha xanax. I took 1/2 of the .25mg strength whenever I felt any anxiety coming on and it is no big deal. Actually, a glass of wine makes me more buzzed than it does. It is the best thing I have ever taken for anxiety and it will NOT make you feel worse, it just calms you down a little so you don't feel like you are in a state of panic at all times. I would start the meds-you probably won't even notice them and will just wake up one day feeling like you can handle things.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 4:40am

Thanks for sharing.

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 4:45am

Hi & welcome!

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 4:47am

I take the same dose of xanax and agree totally.

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2006
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 7:06am
thanks again. its amazinghow we think we are fooling the kids-they are very smart.its weird but i can go to the store and most places by myself as long as i know hubby is here.i guess its because its all close to where we live and i know help is just a phone call away.it sholud be easier for me now that the girls are older but its harder to hide and i really dont want them to see me in full panic mode,which is why i am not pushing myself harder.also, now they have their own lives and opinions and dont want to go places with me.iwill try the xanax,thanks again.

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