Grieving an old friendship?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
Grieving an old friendship?
13
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 11:01pm
I know this should be the last thing on my mind. I just had my baby a week ago and I am letting something that happened 8-9 years ago make me sad. Well, I had a best friend in high school that I really cared about. I have many best friends before and have some really close friends now. But there are some friends that are like soul mates. That is how I feel about Staci. Our friendship started our junior year in high school. We started talking one day and after that it just grew and grew. We got close so fast. Well, she started dating this guy and of course became really close to him. She is the kind of person who loves with all her heart. So it didn't surprise me when she gave her heart completely to her boyfriend. I was shocked that she just kind of left me hanging. I mean we were still friends, but she really let me down. I wrote her a pretty nasty letter and her boyfriend was so upset. He wrote me one back. Eventually we all apologized, but since that day I could not get close to her again. We still talked and saw each other from time to time. But no matter how hard I tried to be close her it was like a wall was put up and I could only get so close. We still email each other maybe once every six months or more. I just emailed her the other day to tell her about my baby. She emailed me back and she is expecting her first. I am so happy for her, but it is killing me that I can't share with her. I haven't talked to her on the phone in forever. I guess my question is how did grieve this friendship? I am 25 years old now, this all happened when I was 17. Why can't get over it? I have had other friendships end, but never felt this bad. I still keep in touch I just wish we had something deeper. I am scared to tell her my feelings because if she doesn't feel the same way I will be so embarassed. I just don't know what to do?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2005
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 8:09am
wow, i so identify with this one. I went through the same thing not too long ago.. except I was the one who dumped her for my boyfriend. I missed her terribly for a long time and wondered what could have been.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 8:39am

I, too, am in a similar situation.

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 10:30am
Thank you so much for your reply. It helps to hear someone else in the same situation. It turned out really good for you. I have decided to write her a letter. I am going to start working on it today. I don't want to make it long winded, but I want to get everything out. I don't want to make her feel guilty for anything. If she doesn't feel the same way at least I got it out. I will post on what happens. Thanks again.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 10:39am
Sheri Ann I really appreciate your reply. I'm sorry how it turned out for you. I just emailed my friend back and congratulated her on her pregnancy and asked if I had her address right. I am going to send her a letter. I can't wait to get this out. I felt better to hear you say that your old friend was your soul mate. It is hard to believe that you can be so connected to someone and then one day it is gone. I don't know why I haven't dealt with this sooner. Another thing is she lives 6 hours away. Her parents still live in the area I live in, but I don't know how often she visits. I think seeing her would help too. Actually knowing that she has missed me too would really help, but I don't know if I am going to get that lucky. I just want to deal with this once and for all.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2005
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 8:38pm

Yavonne I agree with the other ladies at least try to make contact with your old friend. However the one thing i have found out in my 50 some years here on earth sometimes we are only allowed our friendships for a short time, so cherish them when you have them and cherish those that were most meaningful for you. I believe people enter our lives for a purpose and sometimes when that purpose is fullfilled our friendships end.

Keitha

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 10:24pm
I agree that friendships are sometimes for a short time frame.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2003
Wed, 08-30-2006 - 9:59am
Hi, even though I seldom post I am an ole timer here. I have not read any of your other responses but I have been kinda in your situation. I had a childhood friend from 4th grade and we lost contact after our senior year. I am now 54yrs old, and we got back together about 2½ yrs ago to have a good friendship again. My friend had went on to get her Masters in becoming a librarian and I had always been a housewife or worked at odd and end jobs. She always spoke condasending s/p to me and our other childhood friend. She and I got into a word fight alittle over a yr ago and have not spoken since. I paced the floors for days and nights and cried, felt like my heart was ripped out. Never has she even made an effort to contact me in any way. The fight honestly was her fault. I don't think it bothered her at all because she is so proud. There has been things come along that I wish I could have told her or shared, but could not and we live a block apart. At least you and your friend are speaking some. Wanting to share about your baby and such has probably really brought this on. Congratulations by the way. Sometimes life can throw us some curves. You should not feel embarrassed or funny that you have these feelings for a friend. Some people only have room in their hearts for one person and that is called *self* I just wanted to let you know that you were not alone with this type of situation. I hope for your sake that all works out some day. TC Debbie

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
Wed, 08-30-2006 - 12:13pm
Thank you so much.
Photobuck
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Wed, 08-30-2006 - 3:54pm

Hi Debbie, it's good to *see* you again!


Hugs,


Sheri Ann

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Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2006
Wed, 08-30-2006 - 5:11pm

I am having the same problem. My very best friend for years (we met when I was 16 & I am now 22) and I have been growing apart for the last 6 months or so. It all started when she met a new man who turned her life upside down.

She was in a 4 year commited relationship & met this guy...started to cheat...and had sex with him. She didn't want to "make the wrong choice" so she kept them both until her live in boyfriend and the step-father to her child...found out and ended up leaving her. Fast forward 3 months...new man moves into her house & takes over her life. Her son now 7 severly misses the only man he has ever known as his father...this new man is controoling & manipulative...tells her what to wear...who to hang out with...and when to do things. She hates him yet she doesent break up with him. He doesent want her to do things with me because I dress...well....like a 22 year old (jeans & a tanktop in the heat...no mini skirts or tiny shorts exc nothing provotcive) and not like a 42 year old.

I call & call & call but she never calls me back. Anytime I am hanging out with her we only tlak about her problems with him. She makes no effort to continue our friendship. I feel hurt, left out, betrayed. She has left me behind for a man who doesent even care about her. I am ready to end the relationship...for my own sence of peace and well being. I have have a deep personal friendship with a person who is going through such termiol and is starting to become so bitter & negative that she is becoming toxic to those people in her life. I am grieving the loss of her friendship. I say I am done with her...every time she does something to hurt me (makes plans doesent call or show won't call me exc) but I have years of history with her & she is my "best friend" I make excuses and run to her house when ever she needs a shoulder to cry on. I feel used & I am sick of being an emotional dumping ground.

I want my best friend back but I won't be used, hurt, or manipulated. I feel sad and guilty but maybe its for the best.

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