Tired of being crazy (long)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Tired of being crazy (long)
14
Fri, 09-01-2006 - 8:16pm

Hi. I'm new to this board, although I admit I've lurked for a few months. My name is Michelle and I was diagnosed about 13 years abo with anxiety/panic disorder. Once I found out what was wrong I pretty much figured I could control it, and to a degree I did. Only recently I feel like I'm spinning out of control.

Several months ago I had a panic attack that landed me in urgent care. There they gave a rx for Xanax. Oh my! I hadn't slept so well or been so calm in forever! So I decided maybe it was time to admit I needed help. I went to see my family practitioner and she put me on Zoloft, with Xanax to help. I also suffer from severe insomnia for which she prescribed Ambien.

Since that time I've tried Ambien and Lunesta for sleep, I am back on Ambien because my insurance company approved it but neither one work completely. The other night I took it and was still obsessing about stupid things an hour later.

I was up to 150 mg of Zoloft until 2 weeks ago when I just quit taking it. Besides making me worse each time the dosage went up I didn't notice any signficant difference.

Now I am wondering if I suffer from anxiety or am just crazy. I find myself sitting in my house thinking about all the social encounters I've had (I'm on the board of the PTA) with school or friends and berate myself for things I've said or done. I find myself sitting here thinking people are talking bad about me for those same things (rationally I am aware others have far better things to do with their time than sit around talking about me). I am fine walking into social situations, but OMG once I am there I hate everything I say or do. I go to extremes to make sure I don't isolate myself because in turn I know I'll isolate my children, but most days I really would just prefer to get into bed and throw the covers over my head.

I have not told anyone about this to the extreme that it truly is. Why am I sitting at my desk at home working and thinking there is someone (someone I know)watching me and criticizing what I am doing? What would anyone (even my DH) think if I told them this? I would be locked up for sure. But I just don't know if I can handle it anymore.

My best friend just moved into town with her family and I find myself starting to do it with her too. I feel disconnected a lot too, like right now as I type I feel like I'm standing just outside my body looking down. It's very strange.

I'm sorry this is so long. It's actually taken me months to get the courage to do it. Thanks if you got this far.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Mon, 09-04-2006 - 8:12pm

Hello! Nice to see you posting. When you said perhaps you needed a different med, I was wondering if you would consider an antidepressant in addition to the klonopin? I took AD's for many years until I learned new ways of coping. I still take an occasional klonopin for a severe attack or prior to a situation that I know is a trigger.


I am sorry that this is causing you so much exhaustion. I remember those times well & like Sheri Ann said, they still sneak in. But when I look back @ my 36 years, I have had many more good times than bad. I know that can happen for you, too. Good luck in therapy. Please don't be a stranger. Good luck & GBU! (((hugs))) jan





 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2006
Mon, 09-04-2006 - 8:24pm
I have not tried anything with the klinopin. Just know that I feel so anxious and continually nervous! Of course, then all I do is obsess about my helth and what is wrong. Paniced at the doctor's office and have to go back fro another EKG and blood pressure reading--which of course, I am totally scared about--which of course, raises my blood pressure and makes my heart race and I wonder if I can get through it! I wonder what my "accurate" reading is?? It becomes such a huge phobia to go to the doctor!
A terrible cycle!
Thanks for being there--hope to make it through!
Glad to hear that you managed to somehow "tackle" this! It's encouraging and I sure need encouragement!
Thanks! Just would LOVE to relax!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Mon, 09-04-2006 - 11:20pm

I'm glad you like the board & it is truly amazing, how much we share with each other & can relate to each other!!

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 12:29pm

Oh my gosh, how many times have I felt exactly the same way?!!!!! I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!!!! Finding meds that work is traumatic and hard to do and once you find one that does work, there are always side effects that I have to deal with. It sucks. I'm in one of those moments now myself when I feel bonkers and like staying at home hiding from the whole world hoping this crap will go away. And I too have been going through this for about the same amount of time. For me, 14 years. I've been on Celexa and Xanax and I think I've taken the Xanax too much because it isn't working nearly as well. So the doctor switched me to Cymbalta. Will it work?? Who knows? I sure hope so! And what side effects will I have to deal with this time? Who knows? And will I ever be able to get pregnant or even have the nerve to try? Am I crazy? I sure feel that way sometimes. (But, I've seen really crazy people so I know I'm not totally bonkers. Once I had a second cousin (my mom's cousin) who is really bonkers strip naked and dance in the fountain in the middle of the OSU campus in the middle of the day on a weekday! Not because she was rebelious or trying to prove a point. She is known to walk around town naked too. She's got some problems. We're not that kind of crazy thank goodness!!!) And I too have a child to raise and so I do not ever want to pass on this crap to him and I know kids model their parents. AUGH! I wish I could just sit down and cry with you. Don't know if that would make us feel any better but at least we could feel crazy together. Well, now you know, you are so NOT the only to feel this way!!!! Hope you (and I) (and everyone on the board) are back to feeling good soon!!!!

Laura

by the way, my sister took Zoloft and it took at least a good month before it finally started making her feel lots better. And, it made her sick and more anxious the first couple of weeks! Another one of the wonderful things about switching meds - waiting for it to work if it is going to and dealing with the crap it does to you until it has had time to work! It did however make a big difference for her and was a very good thing.

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