Hello! New here, would like some help
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| Mon, 09-04-2006 - 1:43am |
Hello! I'm new to this board, and very happy to find it here -- I've never really spoken with anyone else who has an anxiety disorder. I could really use some input on a situation I have -- any advice would be greatly appreciated!
I have been dealing with GAD for years. I'll just start worrying about things in my life, to the point where I can't get them out of the back of my head, even if they're things that are out of my control. I am very worried about my current situation with my boyfriend, and wanted to know if you thought my anxiety problems have something to do with it, or if there is something I just refuse to see. I love my boyfriend, he is the most wonderful guy I have ever met (we've been together for over a year), but we have had some difficulty in the intimacy department. We struggled with his erectile dysfunction for about eight months, during which I felt pressured to "keep trying" to have sex in hopes that he would eventually feel comfortable enough to shake the ED. Of course over that amount of time I questioned my feelings for him; there were even two-three week periods where I felt uncomfortable being affectionate because I wasn't sure what to do. However, I genuinely care for him and we are still together, we have a very strong relationship other than our sexual problems.
To make a long story short, he has come out of his difficulty with ED and yet I still feel very much stuck in this rut. I become uncomfortable about calling him if I think we might make plans to see each other, and I feel nervous before seeing him instead of 9I think) just feeling happy and excited. But when we're actually together, I have a great time and wonder why I was so concerned! The only time I seem to return to nervousness when he's around is when he mentions sex. In the past few weeks my head has been racing with these thoughts of how I'm not sure I'm good enough for him, that I'm not giving him what he needs from me, that I don't really love him, and other very hurtful things. On the flip side, I then find myself doing a 180 and thinking about how I love him and how we have a great relationship, and how I want to make a life with him and we can get through this. I feel so guilty for having these thoughts, and the stress and anxiety is making me crazy!
What I'd like to know is, if you think all of this craziness in my head and our sexual history is contributing a great deal to the distance that I feel with him, or if something else might be wrong. I can't stop worrying! Please let me know if you need other details, and I apologize for this being so long. I just really love him and don't want to lose him, he is one of a kind, but I feel I've gotten comfortable with not being intimate (female sexual dysfunction, perhaps) and I'd like to remedy that. THANK YOU!

My first thought would be to wonder if you are taking any meds for the anxiety that might be interfering with your libido. A lot of antidepressants do, so that could be the cuplrit. But if you aren't, I would say that certainly this sounds like something that might affect any couple, anxiety or not, given the circumstances. Do you see a therapist for your anxiety? If so, you could ask for tips on how to get past this.
I do see that you say that at times you have questioned your feelings for him, so that makes me wonder if that could play into it. Maybe you really love him, but as a friend, not with any real chemistry or romance. But my opinion is that it isn't related to anxiety-- more to the problems and nature of your relationship. But that is just MHO.
Welcome to the board! Stick around!
Karen
Hi! Nice to see you;)
Anxiety can certainly impact relationships & even sexual relationships. When people feel so uncomfortable in their lives, generally there's a reason for it. Maybe self esteem issues or even medical problems can contribute to ED. It's not something folks generally *get over* without some sort of professional help, including medication.
Here's some info that you might want to read on iVillage, along with message boards that deal with love & sex problems. http://love.ivillage.com/messageboards
http://health.ivillage.com/sexualhealth/topics/0,,4vgk,00.html
Hi & welcome!
Sheri Ann
hi there, just wanted to say hi and offer some support. i didn't read the previous posts, so forgive me if this is a repeat but chances are if you think you are worrying too much maybe you are.