Little update
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| Sun, 09-10-2006 - 8:39pm |
I haven't been around much the last week or so. I started a new job last week, which had me all nervous. I got through it pretty well, though, and I think I may actually like working there a lot. I'm still planning to sell real estate on the side. We'll see how that goes.
I'm doing pretty well most days with dh being gone and with the anxiety. But every once in a while it just comes out of no where. I hate that! I start to feel okay and then BAM! I have a feeling that the anxiety this week was mostly due to the new job, but I think that having my period played a part as well. By today, I just felt like I needed a break and it was actually sunny outside, so I went to the park and sat in the sun and wrote a letter to my husband. It was nice, but as I was writing to him, I just started crying and crying. I'm awful about ignoring my emotions, and in hindsight I can see that this was coming for a couple of days. It felt good to get it all out. I'm still really missing him today, but my anxiety level is much lower than it was earlier in the day.
Sometimes it's confusing to me how to deal with the seperation. It feels like such a great loss, but at the same time, I know he's coming back, so I can't let go and move on. It's frustrating because I don't know what to do with all of the emotions that come up. Sometimes I feel like I'm grieving for him, and then I feel guilty because he's not dead, just gone. He didn't leave me, he's just gone. I guess I'm gonna have to revisit this issue with my therapist this week. I am not looking forward to 11 more months of this.
Thanks for listening.
Jess

I think you're doing the best you can, Jess. I know we often have expectations that aren't always reasonable. Of course you miss him. You should be sad. Crying releases alot of stress & is healing for a woman.
You have taken on alot of responsibility with the new job & breaking into real estate. We care about you & want you to get through this deployment successfully. Please post anytime. My T&P's are with you. (((hugs))) jan
Jess, going to the park, crying your eyes out and writing that letter were all healing for you.
Sheri Ann
Thanks for the replies, ladies. I am trying to be more patient with myself. Infact, that's one of my positive affirmations I say every day. lol I do get to talk to my dh occassionally. About once every 10 days or so at this point. I haven't received email from him since the first week he was there. I'm hoping that things will get better once they get settled in. They're still in kind of a transitional phase right now. It's frustrating, because I know spouses who talk to their husbands every day. I know it's dangerous to play the comparison game, but it's hard not to wish that my dh could call that often. Although, honestly, I"m not sure I would want to talk to him every day. I think that would make the adjustment even harder.
Anyway, thanks again for the replies. I'm trying to keep things in perspective and sometimes being reminded that not all anxiety is unreasonable anxiety really helps.
Jess