How to help somebody with GAD?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2005
How to help somebody with GAD?
4
Tue, 09-12-2006 - 9:04pm

Hi girls!

a simple question: how can I be the best support for somebody who has all the symptoms of the GAD?

I don't know how to help him... it's even worse that the person is my dear husband... and I live 600 miles away from him right now... I had to relocate because of my new job and he is going through his last and very difficult semester at school... we see each other every two weeks... right, not a lot for the first year of our marriage... well, even if it looks we are pretty young, we are not, so it's not only our early age crisis... I finished with my phd and he is getting his second degree... we both have quite a road behind us... he realizes the whole situation... he actually told me about his feeling couple days ago... and I know I need to stand behind him right now...

I need your help... how to deal with this? and most of the time just on the phone...

Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Tue, 09-12-2006 - 10:03pm

Hi & welcome!

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2000
Wed, 09-13-2006 - 5:04am

Hi. I'm in a similar situation..not quite like yours though. I was diagnosed w/GAD May '06, and pursuing my second degree..or rather my 3rd degree! *LOL* I was having some professional issues which turns out is attributed to "performance anxiety." I'm pursuing my Nursing degree which I actually pursued 10 years ago in addition to my current degree in Public Health. My dh and I just celebrated our 1 year wedding anniversary.

What was prescribed for me was just to have a good, positive support system, and to breathe by practicing "Back to 1" exercises which involves breathing from 0 to 10 (one second each breath) 3x/day until I forget about the stressful situation. I'm also practicing yoga 2x/week. Maybe these are suggestions you can give to your dh?

Admittedly, I don't really talk about my situation too much with my dh, because I find the more I talk about it, the more stressed I get *LOL! Plus, my dh, as hard as he tries, sometimes doesn't really know how to give advice, or for that matter listen, but he tries. The few times that we've gotten into a fight, he's dug up my past, which I don't like. Even though he apologizes, it hurts, hence one of the reasons I don't talk about it too much. I know from my perspective though, I would definitely like my spouse to listen more, and to offer more constructive advice, which I'm assuming you're doing.

Also, another thing that helped me cope was this practical book by Dale Carnegie called, "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living." It offers a few short chapters that can be read in 15 minutes that offer very inspirational advice on how to stop worrying. I would suggest asking your dh to read it between study breaks for 10 minutes at a time. It definitely helped relieve me.

HTH!
Yaddiya

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2005
Wed, 09-13-2006 - 7:31am

Thank you so much for sharing your feelings...

I try to listen to my dh and I also carefully choose how to say my opinion... at this stage he is really edgy and comes off very often... of course, then he apologize when he says something that shouldn't be said at the time... well, I guess I will have to be strong and be as supportive as I could... he doesn't ask very much about me... it's about him almost all the time... I guess I need to just live with this for now…

I finally convinced him to see a doctor… he agrees with this step… maybe he needs some med to be able to calm down… he is supposed to make an appointment at the doctor office today… so, hopefully, next week he’ll see somebody… I am traveling this weekend to see him… I feel I need to be with him… just be there for him… it so hard to be away from each other… I hope everything will go fine and we’ll handle somehow these three more months we’ll be apart…

Thanks again!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Wed, 09-13-2006 - 9:34am

Welcome! Nice to see you posting;)


Offering support & listening is pretty much all you can do. No matter how much you love your dh, he must find his own solutions & learn new ways to cope. He may not want to see a professional or try meds. Men have a hard time accepting their diagnosis. He really doesn't need anyone making suggestions to him, as these can easily come off as nagging. (No matter how kind others try to be.) He also needs some space to deal with anxiety on his own. I would avoid making this an issue in your marriage. This is a time of great strain on a new marriage. He will be happy just knowing you're in his corner & sharing your love & concern for him. I wish you well. Please post anytime. Good luck & GBU! (((hugs))) jan