Weekend Blahs
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| Sun, 09-17-2006 - 9:06pm |
It seems like the blahs always come on the weekends. I do pretty well during the week when I have work to keep my busy. The evenings are about getting ready for the next day, so I can stay occupied and on task. Weekends are harder. I have all this free time to fill up and when I try to relax I find the anxiety creeping up again.
I think it's partly because during the week I don't expect dh to be around much because he'd usually be at work. But the weekends were always ours to do things together.
I've been talking to my docs about upping my dose of the Celexa. I'm still having those days where nothing seems quite real. I hate that part of anxiety. It's my least favorite symptom.
It doesn't help that I'm feeling run down and like I"m coming down with a cold. I know that I tend to get sick when I'm on the go for too long, but slowing down is hard right now. I know there are times when I feel like I can't do much because I don't want to aggrivate the anxiety, but I seem to be feeling the opposite. Stopping to rest and relax is harder right now. It doesn't make much sense to me, but my tdoc has hinted that slowing down means I have time to experience my emotions, which I have a hard time doing. I don't know. Any insight would be appreciated. I'm just getting tired from trying to figure out the best way to deal with this deployment. I get worried that I'm doing too much, and I get worried that I'm not doing enough. lol It feels like I'm struggling to find the "right" thing to do, when I know that there really isn't a right way. It's frustrating.
Then there's the whole aspect of deployment that just weirds me out. It's that we spend a year wishing the time away, because we want to be at the end of deployment so quickly. It's hard for me to know how to balance the desire for time to pass quickly with the knowledge that this a year of my life that I can't ever get back. It feels like losing a year of your life. Day to day, you keep going, but essentially, everything is on hold until dh gets back. It's weird and I don't like it. I don't quite know how to get to a place where I feel like I'm actually living and not just passing time.
I know that not many of you have experience with deployment, but I appreciate your insight and support. Anxiety sucks.
Jess

Jess, I'm sorry you are having a blah weekend:(
Sheri Ann
Thanks ladies. I have to stop and remind myself sometimes that it's okay to feel badly about dh being gone. I seem to fall into this pattern of wondering if feeling down means I'm not handling things well, that the anxiety is going to get bad again. It seems so silly to me sometimes, this expectation I have of myself. I know better, too, but there it is. lol *It's okay to be less than perfect. It's okay to have all of my emotions.*
I'm trying to just take things one day at a time right now. Planning fun things for the weekend is a great idea. I've been busy on the weekends, too, but I've not been planning for relaxation and fun, so I'll have to start doing that. Thanks for the suggestions!
Jess