having a really bad day
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| Fri, 09-22-2006 - 1:14pm |
Wow. The depression hit me like a ton of bricks today, and I don't know why. I should be good. My car loan was pre-approved, and my dad is going to help me look tomorrow. It's Friday, and I love Fridays.
But I feel bad anyway. I feel so completely hopeless about this job situation I'm in. Every day I'm here I think I can't possibly stand another week of it, and then a month goes by. I would like to stay at the university if possible and just move to another department, but I don't see that happening. I keep looking at the openings and either there are positions I'm not qualified for, or I'm overqualified for them (that's the mess I'm in now--I'm way overqualified for this job and it's a miserable feeling). Isn't there anything in the happy middle? Career counseling hasn't helped so far. Obviously, this is a different person than my regular *t*, but it just isn't helping and she's the only person available to see (my employer offers the service free to employees). I don't know if it's her or me or what. All I know is that I'm not interested in anything. Literally--I can't think of a single career I'm interested in. Which makes job hunting very hard to do, let me tell you. I don't even know where to start. I look at listings, and my eyes glaze over. I don't even know how to think anymore. I swear my mind is not as sharp as it used to be. Is that the depression too? I think because I've convinced myself I'm not qualified to do anything, I can't convince potential employers that I'm qualified for the job--because every job rejection I get they say it's because I don't have enough experience. And it's not like I'm applying for jobs as a brain surgeon. I feel so completely stuck. I feel like I ought to get a career plan in place so I'll know where to start looking rather than just aimlessly look for another job. But then I have no idea what I want to do, and so here I sit stuck in a job I absolutely hate with every fiber of my being. But I can't afford to up and quit this job either. Believe me, I would if I could. Money is tight enough as it is, and about to become tighter once I get my car. It's getting harder and harder to cope at work every day. I think it's a miracle I haven't gotten in trouble as I keep oversleeping and stuff and get here late (today I was 2 hours late, but so far nobody has noticed or said anything). And even when I'm here, I don't get much of anything done.
I would give anything if I could just go home, but I can't. I have the kind of job where you have to clock in and out, and I have to be here for exactly 40 hours a week. And because I was late this morning, I have to skip lunch and stay here until 6 p.m.
Laura


(((Laura)))
Sheri Ann
laura,
i'm sorry you are having a bad day:(
it sounds like you are in a really tough position. feel free to vent as often as you need.