Social Anxiety Anyone???

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Social Anxiety Anyone???
7
Wed, 09-27-2006 - 2:42pm

I suffer from what "I" believe to social anxiety and my fiance calls "low self-confidence". He is a social butterfly, I USED to be. This is causing huge problems in our relationship. He wants to go hang out and I end up doing one of three things: Staying home, going with him and clamming up, or going with him and drinking to "loosen" up and end up going overboard:(
I want to overcome this feeling of nervousness in social situations and have tried putting myself in situations where I have to be social or at least talk in front of others but nothing seems to work. I actually took a Public Speaking course hoping that would cure me, but nada...
Does anyone else have this problem or a similar one? I feel like such an oddball. Any suggestions/advice would be greatly appreciated! TIA:)

Mindymouse

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Wed, 09-27-2006 - 7:37pm

Welcome, Mindy! Nice to see you. You are NOT alone. There are others on the board who have fears/anxieties much like yours. I have problems going into a restaurant alone. Secretly I feel as if everyone is judging me. I am not sure if that's anywhere close to what you feel, but even though taking the class didn't help, don't give up! Facing the fear, even in small doses is better than holing up @ home or drinking too much. It's easier to do that, but in the long run you won't get better & eventually you'll have no life to speak of. That is what our board encourages. Taking our lives back from our fears.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2006
Wed, 09-27-2006 - 9:19pm

HI Mindy,

You are not alone as it stikes me sometimes. I always fear the way I'm going to feel once at the Party or the Event...am I going to start having panic attacks, will I be able to eat and will people notice that I not that social????? So when I have an event to attend and I know it in advance I try to prepare myself in not being too stressed out about how I'm going to feel and concentrate on having a good time my way. I don't have to be social with everyone and if I know good friends who are going to be there I concentrate on that. I try to have good conversations with one person at a time instead of a crowd. Really I focus my energy on something instead of looking at the big crowd and then start asking myself all kinds of silly questions. In fact nobody knows how I'm really feeling inside and if I don't feel good well at least I'm there. I don't drink because I'm taking anti-depressant so I cannot calm my nerves that way and it's not the best option as you don't want to rely on alcohol everytime you want to go out and have fun!!! Good luck and don't stop your fight against your fears....it's not easy but well worth the good times.

ciao
Sonia

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
Wed, 09-27-2006 - 10:18pm
Hi Mindymouse.
Photobuck
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2006
Thu, 09-28-2006 - 12:51pm

Hello Mindy,

Yes I totally identify with your situation. I have noticed a social anxiety creeping up on me within the last months, more so when I am in large crowds and alone. If I have someone with me I don't pay too much attention to it actually, but I realized that I (unknown to myelf at the time) avoided going anywhere alone. I now make it a point to (in a way) force myself into the situation because there are so many things that I would miss out on, that are important to me; I think that it would be a shame for me to lose out for example on a literature reading or a concert (it usually makes me feel worse that I didn't go). So I would suggest (only from my experience) prepare yourself before you go out but to also speak to your fellow about it as well. I also have a social butterfly for a man but we talked about it and in order to help me make the small step forward again, he holds my hand until I feel well enough to let go and be on my own. I am definitely still working through this but I have made some progress; a little at a time. Best wishes to you. L.

Avatar for cherfer
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2003
Thu, 09-28-2006 - 1:48pm

I've been suffering from social anxiety for years. You're not an oddball and I can relate to the feelings you have about your fiance wanting to go out and you feeling uncomfortable. I'm engaged myself and we have the same issues. If you want to talk, I'm here.

Cheryl

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Thu, 09-28-2006 - 8:33pm

Hi & welcome!

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Thu, 09-28-2006 - 8:38pm

I also wanted to add, that alcohol makes my anxiety so much worse!

Sheri Ann