Fear of Driving

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2006
Fear of Driving
6
Wed, 09-27-2006 - 3:45pm
I moved from India to US on Jan 2005 and as driving is needed in US I started learning to drive on Feb 2006(could not my permit due to SSN issues).I was practising with my husband and one night while practising, when I was entering the appartment gate I had to swipe the card and at that time my car went close to the gate post and my husband was souting "brake brake" and I hit the accelerator and the car banged the gate.My husband suffered from minor spasms near the ribs for a month and I was shocked after the incident.Then during Aug 2006 we bought another car for me to practice.I went for a two driving classes(4 hrs) and then began practising with my husband. The fear is so much in me.It is over one month and the fear has not still got out of me everytime I take the car.My husband also took me to freeway once but the fear was so much in me during driving. I find excuses for myself not to drive, but then I feel that "Oh my God, I have not driven and i might forget".So I take the car with my husband sitting by me, but with fear.Even today morning when I was backing out from parking lot I turned the steering wheel quickly(well I felt it will not hit the car nearby) and my husband started shouting with such a voice(that I might hit) that I became afraid,messed up became hinderance to others behind.If I hear him shouting I feel I done such a mistake that I begin to make more mistakes.Today I drove(after a month)like first day of driving.What am I do? I dont want to make mistakes and try my best but in the end my husband says I did not concentrate, I did not plan.
Please advice me
Irene
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Wed, 09-27-2006 - 7:19pm

Hello, Irene & welcome to our board. Driving fears can be very intense. I wasn't able to drive for 3 years because of real/imagined fears of engine breakdowns, flat tires & anxiety on bridges, tunnels or in heavy traffic. Your fear seems to be different. You are still learning to drive. But, fear is fear & this is all too real to you.


I will say right upfront that if your husband is shouting @ you, he is NOT the person to be teaching you. Please consider taking private lessons until you gain the experience you need to take your test. You need to be with someone who is calm & can direct & teach you in a professional manner. After that, spend alot of time driving by yourself to increase your confidence. @ a later time, you can show off your new skills to hubby.


If you feel that the fear of having another accident is the cause, then consider relaxation exercises, hypnotherapy or seeing a counselor to talk about your anxieties. Medications are an option, but you can't be sleepy & driving @ the same time. Check out the folder below entitled *coping tips & tricks.* There are ways to reduce stress & teach yourself to be calmer.


Please post anytime. We care & want you to feel better. Good luck & GBU! (((hugs))) jan



 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2003
Wed, 09-27-2006 - 10:11pm
I'm sorry you are going through this Irene.
Photobuck
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Thu, 09-28-2006 - 8:59pm

Irene, I think driving lessons might be a better idea than going with dh.

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2006
Fri, 09-29-2006 - 1:00pm

Hi,

Thank u all for ur encouraging replies.As sheri has said, when I drive with my husband when he keeps saying keep ur speed,change lanes,or turn ur steering like this in case of parking ,I dont drive with my mind but his rather.
But, I have also gone to a driving school and have taken 4hrs and that instructor did not teach me anything.When he came he said this is brake,gas pedal,indicators and rightway took me to the road and just said change lane,or keep seed, more gas etc. My steering wheel was so shaky,during turns.He did not say me proper hand position in steering,or seating position,mirrors etc.
These were infact taught by my husband and I can say the dollars I spent was too much for the 4hrs.Can anyone say me what to expect from the instructor.

And the other thing is I donno why I have also developed this complex when I see other women drivers on the road.I think "Wow how she is driving.Is she not a woman like me".And really it has become such a obessession.

But thanks to u all,it was so good to share these thoughts.
Irene

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Fri, 09-29-2006 - 4:34pm

Irene, for me, the only thing I would expect from the instructor is to keep me safe & to be patient. It sounds like you know all the basics, you just need someone to take you that is understanding.

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
Fri, 09-29-2006 - 6:59pm

Learning to drive is scary! Especially when the one helping you is freaking out! I wish I were there to help you! Is there anyone else who could help you practice? Someone with a more calm demeanor? The best thing to do is just keep doing it. Even though it scares you horribly, do it anyway. It will just get better and better and better. And by the way, we all hit things when just beginning. I hit a post and got yellow paint on the bumper and my dad was so mad. And I've hit a parked car, more than once. I've been in the ditch because I was driving on ice not knowing what I was doing (we don't get much ice here in Oklahoma so none of us know how to drive on it properly). I'm still here and I am a good driver. Be strong! You CAN do it!!!! Hang in there and keep practicing! You'll just get better and better and soon you will be a better driver than your husband!
Take deep breaths when you start and keep telling yourself you are capable, you can do it, and you will do it!

hugs,
Laura