Anxiety and dating
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| Mon, 10-16-2006 - 12:14am |
Hi all,
I've dealth with generalized anxiety and social phobia since I was in highschool, in addition to bouts of depression which have in some cases lasted for months.
The two have the tendancy to fuel each other, and I do lack friends except for a small few because I have a really difficult time connecting with people.
I posted here a while ago and was really disappointed when I only got one response, but I figured I'd try it again. Essentially I am curious if anyone here with anxiety has had any difficulty when it comes to dating, relationships & such.
I've asked my friends, and not only are they not willing to try to set me up with anyone, but they only like to get together in a small group with the same individuals there every time. It is just really hard to meet any prospective dates, even being at school full time.
I want to know if anyone can relate on any level to these difficulties I'm having. I haven't been on a date in years and it's getting depressing at this point, and also it's feeling pretty hopeless.
Thanks to anyone who took the time to read this, and take care.

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Hello! It's nice to see you;) I don't recall your post & using the advanced search I have come up with no matches, 3 times): I am sorry for that. All I can say, is that our posts move very quickly & it is possible that it moved to the second page & just didn't get attention. If that happens again, please feel free to bump your post up.
I haven't much up-to-date
Hi and welcome. My advice may not work for everyone, but it did for me.
Hi, thank you for the response. When I posted last time, it was with another username. I haven't used the search feature here so I'm not familiar with it, but they may have been a factor. It was back in July I think.
I started to have difficulty with anxiety and such at about the same age as you. I'm turning 21 now and have been in therapy since January 06, and progress is undoubtedly happening but it's slow. Additionally I've made a lot of progress on my own since my graduation in 2003. I was on meds in the past but they did not help, and currently I'm taking small doses of St. John's Wort which has had some positive effect (people tell me it's a placebo, but to my knowledge it does affect Serotonin levels, I just don't know how much). I've additionally been putting effort into finding school clubs and volunteer work to get involved in, which has also been slow. I'm trying to get involved politically, too. I've got the initiative, but I never thought that actually getting in touch with appropriate people would be so hard.
The problem with my city is that it's fairly small and we don't really have all that much for people my age to do unless it involves wandering a mall or going to a bar or club, the latter two have never really appealed to me. Especially so when I'd have to go alone, and I've tried to get people to go with me but none are interested. I'm still in school and that occupies a considerable amount of time and money now.
A problem of mine is that I spent too much time on my own, and I'm growing accustomed to it. I've always been pretty a private individual but it's becoming a bit of a problem now. Plus within my circle, I'm the only one studying either psych or philosophy, so I am alone in class too. Self esteem is a really big problem of mine- I'm coming out of a phase during which I thought I was dirt and that phase has lasted for years. But I've made significant changes in most aspects of my life since the time when anxiety had peaked back in grade 12 (I dropped out of school for almost a year due to it). My psychologist has been trying to help with these self esteem issues but when it comes to the dating-related aspects of my life, the fact that I've had such bad luck has been a cause for lower self esteem as well.
I'll keep trying though. It just is really frusturating. I really hope that I get some more responses as well.
Thanks again and take care.
"Hate is easy. Love takes courage."
Hi Dharma,
You're right- the more you face an anxiety provoking situation head-on, the less anxiety you'll ultimately feel when you go to face the task again. I'm in the midst of cognitive behavioral treatment right now, so that's essentially what my therapist has me doing. Habituation is key.
I just get frusturated, I guess. I haven't been looking outwardly for someone in quite a while. With that mentality, I wonder if when someone appropriate for me does come my way, I won't be able to recognize it until it's too late. I really liked a guy last year, whom I still like today, and I was so nervous and unsure about how he felt towards me that I didn't talk to him. Then I got the guts to add him to my MSN (we knew each other anyway, just not well) and asked him out a few weeks later- and he had just started seeing someone new so he turned me down. He continued to show interest until I decided that the whole situation was childish and I stopped talking to him. I don't want that to happen again.
"Feel the Fear and Do It Anyways..." - I like that quotation, thanks for posting it. =)
Take care.
"Hate is easy. Love takes courage."
Possibly join a group who have similar interests.
My ds has anxiety/panic but he did meet a girl on-line.
Unfortunately it did not work out mostly due to it being a long distance friendship.
Sometimes joining some activities held at your school.
It is hard to meet ppl without an anxiety/panic disorder let alone with one.
Hope this helps, I am not sure how much help I have been.
I think we're supposed to be getting a Chapters soon, complete with Starbucks. I guess otherwise I could go to Tim Hortons or something. Generally I eat lunch on Wednesdays at school, too.
There are no cafes in my vicinity and that would require a 30 minute bus trip, but I could try it. I love that kind of atmosphere, it's just hard to get anybody to go with. But I guess I should be going alone, I'd probably like that anyway.
Thanks for the suggestions. =)
"Hate is easy. Love takes courage."
I did try online personals a while ago, I had memberships on a few websites. It didn't work out- I don't want to try a long distance relationship and there are usually few singles from my city on these sites. I also found that most of them didn't work well for people who couldn't afford to buy paid accounts or credits, lol.
I've joined a few clubs & such on campus (it's still an ongoing thing, trying to find some suitable ones), and have tried to get involved politically and additionally I've tried to find volunteer work (local soup kitchen and such...). I was just looking to get myself out there essentially, in situations where I'd be facing people and would have to confront anxieties.
Thank you for the comment, I appreciate it. =)
"Hate is easy. Love takes courage."
Welcome!
Sheri Ann
Hi Sheriann,
It may have been that you were the one individual who responded to my last post - your name is familiar. I don't know if I saw it when I was lurking here or not though.
I hope my therapy does help, the progress is slow though. I'm a member of a few societies and clubs at school also. I guess I'm making a lot of moves in the right direction, but the fact that progress is so slow - that's what really frustrates me. One has to wonder just how much effort should have to be put into getting involved and getting oneself out there and such... I never thought it would take this much effort.
I think I can relate to you in that my depression was largely a result of anxiety that had been ongoing for quite some time... and in having, at a point, been consumed by it. Additionally my closest friends are also online, people I've known for years now.
Thank you for the response and I will definitely put effort into becoming a more active poster here in the future.
Take care!
"Hate is easy. Love takes courage."
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