Husband wants me to go to NYC-Scared!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2006
Husband wants me to go to NYC-Scared!
11
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 9:13pm
I hav lots of anxiety and can't handle a lot right now. It is a day to day thing and not really having panic attacks but it has affected me alot. Anyways, my husband wants me and our two girls (7 & 4) to go to NYC for THanksgiving WITH his mom, dad, 3 brothers, sister in law and my two nieces (1 &4). This sounds so stressful to me. I really do not want to go to NYC during the holidays- I fear the airport, planes, flying, crowds and terrorist attacks. I am worried about buying winter clothes and coats for the family and packing and the money involved. I especially do not want to go with all of these people. He is VERY close to his family and why can't we go on a trip by ourselves? I am also currently weaning off of Effexor and having bad withdrawls and feel awful and dizzy and overwhelmed! He told me he will go without me and take our daughters if I can't go. THis sounds mean to me. He knows how rough of a time I am having and he gives me these two choiced-go or we'll go without you. He thinks I can just snap out of this anxiety and toughen up or something. I think it is unfaie and he should have said don't worry we'' just relax at home this year. I have never been to NYC and want to go someday, but when I do I want to go with my husband and kids only and be able to do things that I wasn to do. I really am not interested in seeing a parade in a large crowd (scares me) and having to do everything with his family. Should I just let it go and not worry and pop lots of xanax and go or do I just stay home and relax and let him go and then have his family all judge me as the bad mom (they do not understand or want to) and I will feel so bad for not being their with my kids but at the same time I would rather be home with peace and quiet????

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2005
Wed, 10-18-2006 - 9:05am

Hello


First of all, going off Effexor can cause lots of anxiety because the withdrawal is really bad. How far along are you in the process? Are you going on something else?


I live in NJ, 8 miles from NYC.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2006
Wed, 10-18-2006 - 9:45am
I am almost done w/ Effexor. Been taking it real slow I am down to 25 out of 110 pellets of the 37.5mg. Yes, it has been bad enough that I have to count pellets- if I went any faster I wouldn't function. I have dizziness and balance issues and headaches, memory is terrible, hard to drive sort of like tunnel vision, nausea,fatigue.. etc. I was going to wean onto Lexapro but have changed my mind. This experience with Effexor has scared me. I really just can't stand ANY stress or noise or chaos right now and am doing the bare miunimum to get by and trying not to feel guilty for having my husband help me so much with the kids and driving. NYC terrifies me and I just wish I could be an easy going wife who was "gung-ho" about everything and now i feel bad that I am ruining my kids and husbands life. If he wouldn't have put this pressure to go there on me I wouldn't have to be so distraught over this right now. Just a really bad time and I can't wait for the withdrawl to be over.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2005
Wed, 10-18-2006 - 10:13am

I had to go the pellet route myself when I weaned off years ago (I'm back on it). I took Lexapro for 4 years and it's much less painful. It may be a good choice for you if you decide to do it. The only side effect I had while going on was nausea for a few days. My pdoc does a 'cocktail' where you wean off one and go on the other at the same time so it minimizes the bad side effects.


You are not ruining their lives by not going :) When you feel better you may find that you are up for it, but I understand when you're in the throes of anxiety, everythign is overwhelming. New York is a great city and lots of fun but you have to remember not to 'terrorize' yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Wed, 10-18-2006 - 10:38am

This trip is sure coming @ a bad time. If you could learn some coping skills to manage the fears without meds, that would be great. But, it takes time & lots of practice.


I am sorry that your dh isn't being supportive of your illness. We cannot *get over it.* This is a pretty common misconception. Is there any way that you can educate him? Give him some articles to read? Maybe copy off the info that iVillage offers & have him take a look?


I can understand where you're coming from & how hurt you must feel. NYC would be one big trigger for me. Crowds, subways, taxis & just the general closed in feeling would be confronting some of my greatest fears. Though, I want to go someday & under the right circumstances, I will. But, I know the pain of not being able to accompany your children. I made excuses for a very long time because I couldn't face driving or going to a crowded amusement park or the circus, restaurants, movie theaters. Things are much better now, but I have alot of guilt & regret about the past. I remind myself that what has happened is past & there's no way to go back & change it. It's a hard life lesson we all have to learn.


I don't have any answers for you. This will have to be your decision & whatever you decide, you will have to live with it. I hope you will find some reassurance that you are NOT alone. That this struggle faces many of us with anxiety disorders. I'll keep you in my T&P's. I wish you the best. Please let us know what you decide. We're here to listen

 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2004
Wed, 10-18-2006 - 12:38pm

Hi,

I understand how you feel about the guilt and upset, the pressure to do activities that you are just too anxious to enjoy. I hope you can educate your DH somemore on this...is there any chance he would go to a doctor's appointment with you or see a couples counselor who could help explain it?

That said, I think you deserve input into the family vacation, it shouldn't just be his choice, especially around the holidays.

On the other hand, how long is the trip going to be? I can honestly say that DH has taken DD on some day trips that I just did not feel up to, tired and anxious, not wanting to cope with the stress...and while I felt a little guilt about not going, I actually was much happier at home, getting some rare "me" time to do whatever I wanted!

I think you need to make the best decision for yourself, what is best for you! Don't let anyone guilt you into it or give up on a family vacation that you'd prefer, keep working it out with your DH.

Hugs,
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Wed, 10-18-2006 - 5:11pm

IF you feel comfortable with his family, I think you should go.

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Wed, 10-18-2006 - 5:15pm

You still have time to change your mind & want to go.

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Wed, 10-18-2006 - 5:17pm
Hi Dee, I'm not sure we have *met*.

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2005
Wed, 10-18-2006 - 8:42pm

I can totally feel your pain. I know exactly what you are going through. When we went to Disney I was on a total anxiety mode. Same thing when we moved in April. I do think it is wrong of your husband to tell you that he would go without you. It isn't fair to do that to you when he knows what you are dealing with on a dialy basis. I hope that you can come up with a solution to this. Good luck and stay strong.

Take care,
Rob

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2006
Wed, 10-18-2006 - 8:58pm
Actually, I live in Orlando and went to the Nick Jr hotel late July, that was not too hard for me but not that easy either. That hotel IS exhausting. The kids loved it but sure isn't much of a break for the parents!!! Anyways, my husband isn't really being mean about this he is just really wanting our girls to see NYC and the parade. I of course am so wrapped up in myself that I cannot enjoy much right now and I wish I could be easy going and not think sooo much about every detail and how much I am sure there will be a terrorist attack there and I think I am gonna be trapped. i also HATE flying. I flew a few mos ago and it was the first time in 6 years and I had to tae a xanax and hold a strangers hand the whole way up. Thank god she was nice- imagine if I was sitting next to some business type-might of freaked em out! Anyways, my dream is that the whole trip will be cancelled for some other reason that isn't because of me. I know my dh could take the girls alone with his mom and family helping them but what will they think of me? (4-5 days) And my girls have already heard us talking and are worried that I will be all alone for Thanksgiving (7 and 4 years old) and they are worried I will be sad (actually I would probably sleep and watch movies and paint my laundry room and have a great time!) Anyways, I guess no one can tell me what I should do but it is nice to know that I am not awful for not wanting to take on such a big trip during such a stressful time.

Pages