Relationship Anxiety
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| Wed, 10-25-2006 - 1:47pm |
Hi All,
I am new to the board. I have been experiencing panic attacks since age 22 (I am almost 30 now), and I have always been able to recover from these episodes eventually. I have been on medication since 22 to deal with depression,anxiety and OCD, and usually the combination of the right medicine helps to keep my emotions in check. Currently I am on Wellbutrin XL and taking xanax as needed.
Right now, I am dealing with the following:
- Last May, my family had a huge conflict. My parents and I are no longer talking to my sister and her husband (by their choice -- not ours), and I haven't seen my niece in 2 months or so. We were a very close family, so this is heartbreaking to me.
- At the same time, my mother began having health problems that will require multiple surgeries. Not life threatening, but still scary. And since I am a worrier, seeing her health decline weighs on me considerably.
- Last week I took a trip back to North Dakota to meet my boyfriend's parents. Things did not go well. They were not supportive of the relationship and of us getting married (which we are planning on). It was crushing. I learned that he had bought a ring and had planned to propose that weekend, but because things didn't go well (we had an argument about where we would settle down in the future), that did not happen. It is the type of disappointment that I can't even put into words. And with that trigger, the panic attacks came.
Then I came home from North Dakota to find out that my grandfather has inoperable cancer and is dying.
It has felt like 1 non-stop panic attack since October 19th. My boyfriend and I are OK now, but I now have lots of worry about our future together and seeing him is invoking these attacks. It's awful. He is so loving and supportive, but I am scared of the types of things we will need to decide in the future (where to live, when to have kids, etc.) I have never lived more than 20 minutes away from my parents and have some separation anxiety. The mere thought of leaving them makes me nauseous.
I went to a therapist last night, but it did not help much. Everything that she told me about how to stop a panic attack was stuff I already try to do. I am sick to my stomach all the time, barely able to eat, tearful, and having uncontrollable thoughts and worry.
I don't know that anyone can say anything to me to help. I talk to my mom quite a bit about this, but our conversation this morning made me more anxious and panicky. Of course she wants the best for her daughter. She keeps reiterating the same things i am already worried about, so now instead of just my voice in my head being out of control, i am hearing her strengthen and give life to those worries. I know she is not doing this intentionally, but she doesn't have anxiety and doesn't know what it is like to not feel in control of your thoughts.
Anyone know what to do? I am low on sleep (afraid that i will stop breathing if I fall asleep) and barely able to eat. I'm a mess right now, and I hate it. My boyfriend is a wonderful man, i want to start my life with him, but i feel paralyzed with fear and depressed with the amount of uncontrollable, sad stuff happening in my life.
- amber

I have a ds who has anxiety/panic attacks.
All I can say is I do understand, I know how difficult it is for him and I have realized I have it but didn't realize it.
You have alot going on and it is even more intensified because of the anxiety.
I don't know how to help you but just know here you aren't "Alone" we all do know what it is like for others not to understand how much you are feeling not in control.
I just wanted you to know someone does care.
Lorie
The many stresses you are under
Thank you Jan. I have been on Wellbutrin for about a year now, and I know that it is not the best medicine for anxiety (although i think it has worked well for my depression in the past). I have a prescription for Lexapro, so I may go back on that (with the guidance of my doctor).
I appreciate the support. I just have felt so overwhelmed. Unfortunately, a lot of the uncertainty about my future with my boyfriend can't be figured out now (he is currently in the navy, not sure when he will be out for good, may get deployed to Iraq this spring, and when he's out of the navy, isn't sure what college he will get into). We talk openly about my fears and concerns, and he is trying to help me not to be so afraid.
Again, thank you for the support. I will look at the tips and tricks folder you suggested.
~ Amber
Welcome, Amber :)
Sheri Ann
We have other members on the board with deployed spouses as well.
Sheri Ann