Interesting thought

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Interesting thought
7
Wed, 10-25-2006 - 4:30pm

I just answered the poll on "what started your anxiety" and I put that it was learned behaviors from growing up with my mom. My whole life, all I heard was "don't touch that, it's dirty" or something along those lines. She taught me to be scared of nearly everything. I watched her strange rituals. And now I have them. So my thought after answering that poll is how do you UNlearn such things? This summer I spent some time with my boyfriend and his mom (who lives a few hours away from us). She is the complete opposite of my mom, and I really hoped she would rub off on me. She said to me (the girl with horrible fear of public bathrooms) that "you should never pass up a chance to use a bathroom." She had absolutely no problem using them everytime we went out. It was amazing to me.

Anyway, just an interesting thought I had.

Avatar for peoplearenuts
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 10-25-2006 - 4:41pm
I am sure that it's a combination of nature and nurture. My mother is the child of an alcoholic, so she spends her life ALWAYS thinking of the worst case scenario. It drives me crazy. (Example: I tell her we are driving out to spend our first holiday with her in 6 years and she says "Let's just hope there's not a blizzard when you drive out here.") I try not to do that myself, but I have to admit I'm the queen of the backup plan. What if, what if, what if. I try not to verbalize it to others, but I think it has probably taken its toll on me over the years.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Wed, 10-25-2006 - 5:37pm
I think alot of it for me was learned from my mom & dad, too.

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Wed, 10-25-2006 - 11:15pm

I feel my panic attacks are about 50% inherited genetically & 50% learned behavior. It's the old nurture vs. nature debate:) I am certain that we still can change, as I have made many changes over the years. I am not stronger or smarter or braver or anything different than anyone here. It's all in the coping.


I'm glad you brought this up. Anecdotal evidence is always interesting. Thx. (((hugs))) jan


 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2005
Thu, 10-26-2006 - 7:08am

I noticed I have a bad habit of not picking up after myself.

 

Amy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2005
Thu, 10-26-2006 - 9:11am
My mother made me and my brother fearful of a lot of thinks too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2006
Thu, 10-26-2006 - 10:17am
Very interesting thought!! My dad lost his mom at a young age,and his father was an alcoholic and rarely there for him. I am sure my dad suffered from depression but that was at the time when you couldn't admit to things like that so instead he would drink to ease his pain. I remember my parents always telling us don't do this, don't play there, be careful, watch your step etc. The biggest thing I remember is when I got my drivers liscense. My dad would tell me before I left the house. Don't drink and drive, Play heads-up, if it starts to snow come home, don't drive in certain areas, call me when you get there and so on. The interesting part is driving is when I have the majority of my panic/anxiety. So I do believe the old saying "children learn what they live" and our past plays a huge part in how we are today. I just pray that I don't do this to my children. I know that as a parent it is only natural to worry and want the best for our kids, but not to the extreme of making them afraid to try new things, and go new places.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2004
Thu, 10-26-2006 - 10:30am

Interesting, I think most of my issues started later in life, after my parents' divorce. But now as I am dealing with anxiety myself, I can recognize that my Dad was most likely GAD and suffered from depression for many years before my parents broke up. Since my Mom really used the behaviors from those problems to justify leaving him (I understand that those years were really tough on her), that added a lot of guilt and fears onto me when I started to feel and act in ways that I related to being "bad" and thought it was my fault. I have this deep fear that I will drive my family away when I get depressed or anxious.

Hugs,
Dee