Hi everyone

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2005
Hi everyone
14
Fri, 10-27-2006 - 7:22pm

Hi all,

Just wanted to say hi. Things have been flying by pretty fast since I last talked to you all. Let's see, I already mentioned that I have been put on Paxil & Xanax. I have been feeling so much better! I have felt much more at ease, more confident, and more outgoing...which are things that I am normally not. Well today, particularly this afternoon (and now) I have been felling a bit "jittery". I think it is because I am getting sick. My daughter has been sick for the past few days with a fever and vomiting. Plus my appetite has diminished a bit. So of course I am beginning to worry that my problems are going to come back and the scares me.
I also have an issue at work that I am embarrassed to talk about but know that I have to get it off my chest. And I did discuss this with my therapist as well. There is a girl at work that I find extremely attractive (not the flirting girl). Outside of finding her cute I never paid any thought of it. However in the past week or so I have found out that we have many things in common and I have found that to be even more attractive to me. I mean to the point where I have made sure we crossed paths and conversed. Obviously the problem is that I am married but I can't get her out of my head. I feel like a scum over this even though I have not done anything really.
One positive thing to come out of it is that I have begun writing again which I have not done in years and it feels good to do so.
So right now I am just totally confused about everything. Has anyone been in a similar position? And can you please offer me some advice.

Take care,
Confused Rob

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Avatar for peoplearenuts
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: mrmet
Fri, 10-27-2006 - 8:15pm

I don't think there is anything wrong with finding someone else attractive even though you're married. I think everyone has secret crushes. I do think it is wrong to act on it in any way. If I were you, I would not cultivate anything other than a cordial professional relationship with this woman. Anything other than that will for sure cause you a bunch of anxiety and problems! Maybe that's part of why you're feeling jittery.

I think often times thoughts about another person like this are a way not to think about larger issues in your life - sort of a mental escape. It's probably a pleasant diversion.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2003
In reply to: mrmet
Fri, 10-27-2006 - 8:42pm

hi confused rob:)


i have no super great advice for you:) but wanted to say i'm glad that you are feeling better dispite coming down w/a sickness.


do you think these feelings/thoughts that you are having could just be a way your mind distracts you from what is going on?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: mrmet
Fri, 10-27-2006 - 9:00pm

I am happy to hear the meds are helping, Rob. My goodness, but you sound

 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2005
In reply to: mrmet
Sat, 10-28-2006 - 3:06am

Thanks for the advice everyone, I appreciate it greatly. The whole issue that I mentioned previously with the flirting is really nothing more than that. I am not really attracted to her and it is more of a fooling around thing (not sexual fooling around). This other girl is different though. Anyway, I can't really go on much longer or I'll be late for work but I will pick up on this later.

Thanks again.

Take care,
Rob

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
In reply to: mrmet
Sat, 10-28-2006 - 9:28pm

Rob, I am soooo happy that you are feeling better!

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2005
In reply to: mrmet
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 10:21pm

I don't know exactly what it is because I know that I love my wife. Even though at times things get boring and we fall into a routine I know without a doubt that I love her. But then I have feelings for this other girl. She is attractive and into so many of the same things that I am it isn't even funny. I had to work with her one day last week for an extended period of time and we just talked and it was like...I don't know, I just felt something. I know I have to try and refrain but I don't know if I want to. She just seems so perfect in every way. I feel terrible because I think about her so much yet can't help it and my T tells me that I am treading on thin ice. It's not like I want to do it or crave the excitement, it's just that I can't help these feelings I have. I have never ever cheated on anyone in my life either. When I see this girl it is like the room lights up and I know that is a bad sign. I am so confused and I don't know what to do. At times I think I have it under control and yet all of my writings for the most part say otherwise. I feel like a total jerk over this and all I have done is continuosly attempt to make this girl notice me more. I'm scared of many things like a) maybe she is Mrs. Right and we get together b) we get together and it isn't right c) my wife is Mrs. Right and I am gonna screw it up and be without anyone and my life would be ruined.
I am so lost in my emotions right now that I don't think anyone else could possibly understand what I am going through. I would like to say I hope some of you have been through this but I don't wish it on anyone.

Thanks for listening,
Rob

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: mrmet
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 5:43pm
Well, if your *T* is telling you that you're treading on thin ice, it won't be any more effective if I say it. I have no clue why this is happening to you, Rob. People & relationships are complicated. I really wish you didn't have to suffer, though. I have a feeling that everyone will jump on me for saying this, but here goes. I do believe that men & women are not equally matched when they are attempting to find the *perfect* relationship. We look @ things alot differently. In case you don't have the list of Love & Sex message boards handy, here it is: http://love.ivillage.com/messageboards Maybe the guy boards can help you. Good luck! (((hugs))) jan


 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2005
In reply to: mrmet
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 6:09pm

Thanks for the advice Jan. When I get home from work I will check that link out. It's just so weird and complicated. Anyway, thanks.

Take care,
Rob

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
In reply to: mrmet
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 6:50pm

Rob, from someone that has been married THREE times (did I just admit that??!!), the grass is NOT greener on the other side ;)

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
In reply to: mrmet
Thu, 11-02-2006 - 11:11am

Your marriage needs some more excitement for ya.

Jennifer

"Oh, that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evi

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