Overwhelmed and could use a friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2006
Overwhelmed and could use a friend
8
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 3:12pm

Hi, everyone..

I'm new here and was hoping to find someone to talk to. I just need to express what I'm feeling right now in a supportive, non-judgmental environment. I hope I've found that here.

I'm 41 and have had social anxiety disorder all of my life..so bad that I've never been in a relationship. I just go to work and come home to my kitties. How pathetic, huh? :(

I finally went to a doctor about my problem (two previous attempts proved futile--the doctors were jerks), and am awaiting a call to come in to discuss my blood test results so I can begin treatment.

In the interim, I just discovered that I will have to go on jury duty next week, and I'm feeling very anxious about that. I also need to travel to my sister's for Thanksgiving, and will be taking a different (additional) bus to do so. Also, in December, I will be traveling by bus with a bunch of (mainly) strangers to partake in something the town has put together, and a co-worker who intially said she'd go, too, may not be able to. Lastly, I have a first ever mammogram and LONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG-overdue pap smear scheduled. I am freaking out. :( :(

This is causing me to feel terribly overwhelmed and in need of controlling something. My "solution", lately, has been to stop eating (or to eat as little as possible); a far cry from my nine-teen year bulimic (with anorexic tendencies) and three-plus year binge-eating history.

I was just wondering if anyone could relate and needed a friendly ear to vent to. I'm certain that not a soul on here can relate to never having been in a relationship (especially at my age), though..but, anything else?

Thank you for taking the time to read my post and for any support you can give.

Sincerely,
Cozyjo

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2004
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 4:42pm

Hi Cozy Jo,

I have not had social anxiety or bulemia, but I was quite sheltered, naive and overweight when I was younger. I was also embarassed at not having had a intimate relationship until a lot later in life. I was sure I was really odd in this and that further discouraged me from making efforts to meet guys or even being more social.

Well, in my thirties, I met some "large & in charge" ladies, one who was happily married and one who was divorced, but happily single and their friendship really helped me gain a lot more self confidence about my weight and as I became more outgoing, I got a lot more positvie reinforcement.

I met my husband when I was 32 and my daughter was born when I was 35.

I honestly think that us really late bloomers may be more common that is generally thought. So don't give up and keep trying to make friends and try not to withdraw...just one good friend can really make a difference and there are some great guys who may surprise or be feeling the same way you do.

Hugs,
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 7:34pm

Hello! I am happy that you found us. Noone will judge you here. Although I don't have social anxiety, I do have anxiety in situations that cause great fear & some avoidance. It has interfered with my life, so I can relate to how you feel in that respect.


I think you are doing a great job by seeking help. That is the first step & a difficult one for us. It probably was made even harder by your anxieties. I am really impressed. You did make some remarks that concern me. Your eating worries me too. Please try to love yourself & be kind to *YOU.* Finding acceptance will come in time. This is a flaw in your chemistry. Not your character.


I happen to think that coming home to cats is a wonderful thing. No home is complete without pets. IMHO, no cat ever asked his/her owner, *what did you do all day? Watch the soaps? Why aren't the dishes done?* LOL My cats are very loyal & steady companions;)


There is alot of info on social anxiety, but I just looked up a few. When you get a chance, here's the links:


http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhpanic/?msg=20969.1


http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhpanic/?msg=20403.1


http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhpanic/?msg=20228.1


http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-bhpanic&msg=20090.1&x=y


http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-bhpanic&msg=19744.1&x=y

 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2006
Sun, 11-12-2006 - 3:41pm

Dear Dee and Jan,

Thank you for your replies.

To Dee: Good for you that you have found a relationship despite your being a "late bloomer". It gives some of us hope (although I highly doubt I will be as lucky).

To Jan: Thank you for your response and for those links. I am, however, very knowledgeable about social anxiety disorder. If anyone needs information on it, it would be for those ignoramuse's that haven't a clue!

As far as being good to myself and "not withdrawing", that is a toughy. I have very low self-esteem and having the SA and living in a remote suburb makes it easier for me to withdraw. Unfortunately, I have to suck it up and do things that I don't want to do; don't we all?..except it's harder for people with anxiety disorders than for most, I would think. Things that most people take for granted (like ordering cold cuts at a deli, for example), make me panic. I just can't wait for tomorrow to be over. Maybe if I'm lucky, I won't have to serve. Who knows, I may just die of a panic attack and it won't matter! ;-)

Thanks, again, for your replies.

Sincerely,
(Cozy)Jo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Sun, 11-12-2006 - 5:03pm

Within those links were threads from members who were facing the same issues as you. I always find comfort in knowing I'm not alone in my feelings. Within the last month we have had threads on anxiety & dating. You can read those if you'd like to see what suggestions were made.


IMHO, self esteem issues & anxiety go hand in hand, Jo. Some folks may not agree.

 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2005
Sun, 11-12-2006 - 8:12pm

Jo you've come to a very loving and caring community. I've been on this board for over a year now and have made myself some what I feel will be lifelong friends. I don't really know awhole lot about social anxiety but have suffered from panic/anxiety for over 30 years. Suffering from anxiety does make even going to the deli a chore as I have problems with stores and being around alot of people I don't know. I've also suffered from eating disorders most of my life and still have trouble with that. My partner makes me eat, as if it was up to me I'ld only eat every three/four days. I also live in a small community and my biggest social activity is the chats here on Ivillage. Come to chat and join in you'll get the support you need and a place to vent.

Keitha

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Sun, 11-12-2006 - 9:58pm

Hi & welcome to our board.

Sheri Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2006
Wed, 11-22-2006 - 7:52pm

Hi Cozyjo,

I have social anxiety and can relate to what you are saying. I started cognitive-behaviorial therapy in February (and went for over 20 sessions) and it was the best decision I ever made. I will say that it was the toughest decision I've ever had to make. I chose to go through therapy because I wanted to see if I could conquer the anxiety on my own. I tried self-help books in the past but I was unsuccessful with that. Therapy is so great because it helps you rationalize your negative/irrational thinking, which is one of the causes of social anxiety. Therapy is really empowering, but you have to be ready for it. I have lived with social anxiety all my life, and didn't seek treatment until I was 29 years old because I was afraid to, ashamed to. I only sought out treatment after a very important relationship became threatened- my anxiety was so prominent in my life that I almost lost a dear friend who became fed up with my condition.
I still deal with social anxiety, and I am not completely "cured", but I would consider myself a work in progress. I have learned to take more social risks, and it has very much improved the quality of my life. In therapy, I've learned how to deal with the anxiety mentally and physically.
I know how you are feeling and I think you are very courageous to share your story.
Good luck with your treatment:) I sincerly wish you all the best

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Wed, 11-22-2006 - 11:58pm

Thank you so much for replying to this thread & offering your insights. It's great to hear that you sought help & are coping better with your social anxiety. That's an inspiration to those who visit the board & may not have the courage to take that route. Therapy IS work. It takes commitment & motivation. Please don't be a stranger. Good luck & GBU! (((hugs))) jan



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